Tonight ill begin working with lucifer for the first time. I know he has walked with me throughout my entire life, but he has given me distance and I have stayed away. That changes tonight. The deal has already been discussed but I will not be providing my offering yet. I need to converse with him and get to know him first.
Im actually quite terrified. I know for a fact he is going to bring some incredibly nasty things to my surface and I’m not sure im ready to handle that yet. I suppose I no longer have a choice in the matter however.
I think my biggest fear is I will lose control and hurt someone. Second to that is the fear I will lose control and harm myself. When he comes to me he is rarely accompanied by calm emotions. He makes me feel such a divine, pure wrath. Holy rage burns through every atom in my body. All that surges through my mind is one word: destroy.
Long story short I’m not really sure what will happen or how I will handle it. Part of me wants to do some shielding or protection but I know not only would that be useless to him (he’s already inside me), but it would be disrespectful and counter productive.
I guess ill keep this updated with whatever happens. Wish me luck.
You know this kinda reminds me of the first time I came to visit my friend. I know it’s a bit off topic, but what I felt was this strong presence of well anger. I did not know why i felt anger. But I knew it was a presence that has been in the background of my life that I feel only comes to the surface when absolutely needed. Now I understand a bit why who it was angry.
It could be that the feeling of destruction isn’t to your self in a physical light but more so the need to change and destroy that weak you. I had and still have this problem. I was always afraid of my self and when I began this path only a few months ago, I was more afraid that I was going to do something bad rather then them. The first step is always the hardest. Your going to need to tip toe in like I did. Just start out with small and basic rituals and soon enough you’ll just jump in. Lol I know at first I was honestly intimidated by the feel of the energy. But I grew tired of being the floor mat so I one day suck in my breath and did my first real evocation and since then I have had yes big and at times scary changes but ones I know is needed for my own growth and to get to the point that I have set for my self. But that’s one of the things that drew me into this path, no sugar coating, no beating the bush, just simple in your face boot camp change.
Just know your not alone and we are here to help you along your own path to your own god self or what ever highest point you set for your self. You got this!
We started talking directly after I made this topic. He told me a great deal, and is very understanding with the fact that it will take time to make my offering to him. I thought he would take control and post something through me on here but I am glad he has not (at least yet). I like trying to remain humble I have no clue what he will say.
When I arrived home and decided I was ready I said his name. It came out of me as a throaty scream. I said this multiple times. This is all I need do to summon any spirit. He came quickly as did the glossolalia. It became angry fast.
Im up from the couch and beginning to walk, but so quickly this time did I lose control of my limbs. I find myself on the concrete floor of my basement, on all fours, hyperventilating with growls and snarls. I loosed at least a few bits of spittle on the floor.
The pain is unimaginable, in a strange incorporeal manner. I lose further control of my body and im twisting and contorting my limbs all around after I take a swipe with my nails at an object I do not own. The breathing has only become more erratic. Im laying flat on the floor with my arms splayed out and my legs held in the air. It seems I no longer have any sense of gravity, of up or down. As a worm I know only the surface I touch.
I want it to stop but I know once it has started, like a psychedelic, I have no option but to see it through to the end.
I begin throat singing, and I see through the concrete I lay on and see a great door set flat on the floor somewhere far beneath me. I know it to be the gateway to the dead. My throat singing is charging it and bringing it closer to me.
An explosion of white light rings through my head and I shout as I feel hundreds of thousands of deads being bound to my body. This is quite painful. I hear the voice “this is your power”.
The presence begins to leave me and after a few minutes I begin to remember how to use my limbs. The arms and hands were difficult to remember how to work but particularly the legs were an issue. I had to pull myself up with my arms to get up on my feet and even then I still havent taken an actual step yet, i just sorta stumbled back to the couch and my phone.
I feel dark. Like, really fucking dark. A kind of dark different from what I’m used too. It feels like a layer of black paint over all that I am. There is someone new with me I can tell that now. He doesnt wish to acknowledge me but he’s there. Lord Luci has given me a gift most sublime, if only he would explain it.
My mind jumps to the thought of a “damphir” I believe theyre called, or the gift of a dark spirit the strong may use to achieve their will. I thought I already had one though? Im not sure how much stock to put into my frail pre-initiate magick I cast years ago. It feels similar to that but different somehow. Another aspect of me? Maybe but no still does not feel right. I must meditate maybe taunt it some see what comes of it. Also I should look into that old dhampir I called and see what came of it, maybe something needs slaughtered tonight.
Lastly my hunger is still unsatiated. That ritual was quite short but it packed a hard punch.
Warning: this post is going to probably be rambley and not well organized, ill try to clean it up before I post it though.
I’ve been talking a lot with lucifer today. He mentioned to me I should not feel like I’m leaving or abandoning my path by coming towards him. I should look at it like a continuation of what I must learn, and not a submission to the “herd”. He holds many things that I could benefit from, and slowly I’m learning he will respect my individuality and independence, and actually encourage that.
First thing on the list of things to do: I need to find a means to vamp and fast. It was first told to me maybe a week ago. To paraphrase I was told “vamp and the rest will flow easy”. It’s clear Lucifer is helping me face things I have been unable to on my own. I have been running away from the fact that I need extraphysical means of nourishment for some time. It is amazing how one can be so aware and in denial at the same time.
I’ve kept my feeding to ambiance mostly but suddenly it has become clear how much not feeding has fucked me up. Ever since that moment I’ve felt insanely hungry. I know how to vamp quite well (intuitively, a lesson on transmutation might be nice though). I don’t however, because I don’t understand the ethics of this well. I know I can cause serious harm to someone and don’t wish to do that to random people. I know I could focus on taking negative or harmful energy but to be truthful I don’t trust my transmuting enough to want to do that either.
I’ve explored a few ideas to circumvent this limitation but I haven’t been able to find anything satisfying. I’ve done a small bit of reading too but that has also been lackluster. Hopefully Lord Lucifer can guide me to something.
The demon I was gifted is interesting. Very quiet to the point of disliking conversation. Their eyes shift from red to blue. We got off to a bit of a fight and they made a big show of huffing and puffing but I don’t believe they were actually angry.
Lastly, he wants me to post a ritual/spell here for people, but idk how I feel about that. The “Absolute Obfuscation of Truth”.
Its not my work, but it could help
-luc
So that’s fun. Kinda strange how something can just burst through you like that. Embarassing but I’ll leave it. Moments like this just shows I’m going the direction I need to be.
I am sick of people telling me to see someone or get medicated just because my emotional stability is not perfect. I know I have flaws, I know I have things to work on, but my problems lie mostly in inaction, not lack of thought or introspection. And I 100% cannot trust some random person prescribing me something from the pharmaceutical companies.
Years ago, when I was a much younger lad, thinking deeply about my cause and my direction, I decided that magick was where I would take my life. Magick is what I will dedicate myself towards. Fuck the people who doubt. I hold the keys to godhood, I must simply turn them in the lock.
By 9 upturned stars, 4 squares, and the Dragon Kings name writ 8 times, I finally gave Lucifer his key he had requested from me for some time. I greatly dislike drawing my own blood, to the point I have to request special permission to be able to spill it myself. Many a ritual have failed upon finding it impossible to bring my wine to the air, yet it frightens me some to now also have the power to do so.
Be now stoic in remembrance! They will know my triumph of magick and not society!
Thank you Lucifer Lightbringer Dragon King! I very well might be getting a house through his grace, something I had wanted but not thought possible. And to top it off, if this house comes into my possession it will essentially be a family heirloom!
Hail the King of Darkness!
Hail the Queen of Discord!
You got this! 
