Journal Entry 23:
I remember how as a little kid, I used to always “play imaginary” with fairies. My parents always remind me of how each had a very specific personality and name. It was kinda too descriptive for a little girl, and even for how creative I was.
I say this, because a dream last night makes me try to remember them. It was about freeing captive fairies. I don’t know why I dream about them now, but I guess soon I’ll find out.
I used to have some problems with my appearance and I now think that I tasted just a small fraction of the barriers that hide ones beauty from ones self. I cant remember those who I heard this from, but I think it can help…If you start to look at yourself with the same confidence you would have by looking as you want to look, it may be a slow healing process, but like carving a sculpture, just be confident and see the beauty that flows from your being, and project it where your focus is, and you will see more and more your vision becoming a reality. I hope that helps, I’m thinking of making a post about this.
I did make the subject a post
I also found your posts fascinating as they spoke to questions and doubts I have been having. I was wondering if you would be down to PM?
Journal Entry 24:
I feel… empty inside, nothing but pain, like a weirdo, like some huge embarrassment, and like I don’t fit in anywhere…
I want to scream and go on a rampage, but I can’t do anything… All I can do is pitifully cry about it all… I feel so worthless, and everything is like a terrible dream…
I’m nothing but a freak show…
Freak show is what I think of when it comes to America and all these PC nazi, pedogate, soylent green agendas that people are eating up like soup because they don’t really want to know how bad they’re getting fucked. But not you…Fitting in is really not worth sacrificing or concealing your true likeness. Fuck fitting in! Just the thought of all the shit people have given me, like I’m not worthy of shit, like I’m not worthy of respect that I think ‘normal’ people take for granted. See them for their stupidity and their close-mindedness. See them for their hate, which they may be projecting at you out of how they feel toward something that you had nothing to do with, but that’s not an excuse for them to do as they do, far from it, it is their weakness, and perhaps a reflection of how it burns them up that they cant see their own weaknesses in you. I feel very strongly so I must emphasize, fuck people!!!..There are good people out there who you can just walk up to and ask for help and they will help you, but there are some people who want you to feel like shit. Never let anyone tell you that your not beautiful. I cant stress this enough, a man’s/woman’s self esteem should not be contingent on the treatment of others. They want somebody to point at and say “that’s the bad guy” about, but let them point a finger at me and I will make them feel smaller than microscopic-if I have the time and am so tempted to destroy them. Stand up. If you show the world that your insecure they will eat you up in every way. Never think of yourself as inferior. I would way rather be talking to you than the people I used to have to be around-or thought I had to.
Journal Entry 25:
I’ve been neglecting to post a few things, oopsies. 
Anyway, well, let’s see what I can remember:
Well, yesterday, I’m pretty sure Lilith came around to pay a visit. (If that wasn’t you, Lilith, I apologize.) She wanted to change a few things up with me. I felt a couple quick pains, but she reassured me and said it was just her doing what she was planning on doing. I wonder what exactly is the changes she made. 
Thanks, if that was you Lilith.
Also, so here’s something else that was very important and I forgot to post:
A few days ago, I finally decided to go astral travel like I said I was supposed to. I decided to go to the void, and with the help of this void meditation. All I can basically remember is that I ended up being given a key by someone unknown. All I could see is a shadow entity. They told me I must find the box. I think they also added in with something like “Since you like being cryptic.” (Lol, I really do…) Anyways, I guess I have to find hints, possibly, to be able to find the place with that box.
Check it out…
Journal Entry 26:
I woke up feeling a bit off, and not just because I’m tired. (For some reason “tired” autocorrected to “Firefox.” 
)
Anyways, I’m feeling a bit more powerful. I have never felt like that after sleep or a nap. I normally feel like drunk shizzle. (Half of me still does, but not really important right now.)
Anyway, I’m now thinking over of what I think Azazel said once. I get all nervous of this upcoming subject, because people respect me less when I say it, because they think I’m crazy. I’ll begin talking about it anyway.
Rudely not respecting me for my own experiences? Kiss my arse, mate.
Anyway, Azazel said a few days or more ago that I’m having his kid. I dunno if that’s true or what. No wonder I’ve been so UP and down. Both a kid and mercury retrograde.
Anyway, yadda, yadda, yadda… blah blah… pains everywhere… and all that jazz… No, I don’t feel okay.
Doo pa doo pa doopity dee…
I’m gonna make an egregore to protect me from the idiots, who try to attack me.
Now I’ve been getting so many intense pains that I wanna scream… I THOUGHT LAST TIME WAS THE LAST TIME. 
I’m done with these journals… who cares anyway?
Whatever, whoever hurt me, won. Congratulations, to that big jerk.
Nooooooo!!!
We do! Deep breaths… it’ll be okay. Stupid jerks tend to get theirs in the end. 
Sorry, just so stressed lately, and feeling sick. Past few days have been chaotic. 
I guess I’ll try to look at the positive side of things. 
I need a hug…
My post above means I’m basically saying I’ll continue the journals.
So… Journal Entry 27:
Since I got sick this morning, about 5:30 for me, as I was sitting there worrying, over time I was contemplating on how there’s a positive. I said “at least I’m not throwing up” so there’s a good positive.
Now, not too long ago, I remembered how terrible I’ve been feeling. That was even before I knew about the mercury retrograde. I decided to think of this as cleansing my anxieties, negativity, and all that jazz. Just a good ol’ cleanse that makes me yearn for hugs ‘n’ cuddles.
I kinda want to really get things done, but I have been given warnings, of course… Me being sick won’t go unnoticed by any entity around me. I’m grateful for them, though…
(Also, it doesn’t help that my house kinda permanently smells like burgers… it makes me feel worse, lol!)
I know I probably embarrassed myself last night. I’m not alone on this when I say, my sorrow can feel so awfully painful - words can’t describe. I know there’s others like that…
My points being, I think it’s good I tried to let out my sadness. What’s the good of acting tough? Pain for ego? I don’t think so… not for me.
I know, I know, I shouldn’t have reacted like that. Truth is, it’s hard to control sometimes. It really is, and I’m sure some of you can completely understand. I know that others have been in my shoes.
Yes, some may have it worse, but that isn’t a reason to not complain. That’s like saying I can’t be happy, because others have it better. Well, that’s how I view all that.
Moments like this help a lot:
I’m getting it was Azazel. I got praise from papi! 
coughs awkwardly I… I just… dunno why exactly I said it, but it just kinda was a need.
Indeed you are doing good and I’m very happy for you and Azazel <333 ^-^
Journal Entry 28:
Today has been a good day for cleansing. I’m starting to feel a lot better, and ready to kick butt! To think I almost did step down from the throne… Hopefully I never get close to that again!
I’m slowly becoming ready to step on anyone who even dares to come at me! This queen will rise from her fall, so I hope you all will be ready. 
But if I’m going to rise, I may need to discipline myself… I’ve been to wild lately…
