Hello ixchel, what I’d do is changing the focus of your problem. See I understand perfectly what you’re talking about as I come from a poor family (my father lost everything and that has been such a heavy load for me in the past).
I’d focus on what I really need at this very moment (job, house, food, work, primary things you know), and then start working on those other things wich can uplift me in life (relationships, leisure, self image). There’s a pyramid of needs, the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:
As my father didn’t teach me anything useful about life, nor to my dear brethren, I looked for answers for long time ago, and one of them was this pyramid (the other one was magick :D). So I’d try to set up a plan of developing in my life (that’s what I’ve done), and follow it keeping in mind it’ll take years (actually it took me around 10 years fully recovering from the ruin I inherited from papa)
You can use magick to get oportunities for job, house, and later relationships, for confidence. Just keep in mind, in this world things go at a slow pace. You are not a loser, you just have a very complicated life, yet when you fix it you’ll be the strongest, most respected and wisest one around man, I assure you this.
I’ve seen people with an easy life, aparently happy, aparently surrounded by love and money yes… and also getting lots of useless problems at home and in their relationships (cocaine, infidelities, depressions,…) they go way down to meet Azazel to Hell faster than both of us (magickal joke)
Love in relationships can be a bxtch (sorry for the expression, but I’m sure you all agree with me) specially if you’re poor. But the advantage you have (as I had it) is that you have the oportunity to see what it REALLY is indeed, the very heart of the matter of love. Most of it sums in = No money, no honey. So you’d do well in analyzing relationships. Of course there’s real love, but believe me that’s not widespread.
So fight ixchel, you have to overcome all of those problems you have, you’ll recover, but you gotta work some strategy out and follow the steps, just like in any ritual. And I’m sure you were directed to magick because it’s on your destiny, just like I was directed to it, and it helped me in many areas of my life
If you want to talk with me through pm you’re welcome, we can share experiencies, I can give you any tips I know. But never think of yourself as a loser, you think of yourself as a warrior in life, the more battles you fight, the wiser you’ll become