Ive been offline for a while, and these trials in the Qlippoth have been… HUHH. It wasnt too terrible at first, mostly surges of anger, I transmute it, store it in myself for later use, and Id be cool. As far as the physical it wasnt much more than that, most of my work was astral. That aspect of it was, WILD. Sick at times actually.
In this particular sphere, Im working mainly with Asmodeus both in the astral and physical, and Im learning that yes, its fine to indulge, but over indulgence of anything is fatal, and a hinderance. Everything is a tool, and this is where awareness and mindfulness comes into play. My personal experience may be slightly different, because I am a Vampyre.
Now, although I tend to overindulge in sexual activity, Ive come to learn it should mainly (for me) be used in my workings, making a child, or to drain. It has a function and should be used as such, atleast for the most part. I still enjoy it, but it has meaning. The time correspondences, planetary placements, etc, can all be used to empower those working.
Now with all THAT being said, one of my objectives i was given is go not orgasm from masturbation for 30 days. Im almost done, but the fact i wasnt told not to masturbate, and rather to not orgasm from it tortured my brain lmaoo. Ik, TMI, but it made it painfully aware as somebody nearly one year completely sober that i do have atleast one vice, which leads me to believe I have many more.
The shadow work has been hell this entire time. Everything that tormented me, every lie i was told OR i told to others, and everything cringeworthy in my life has been coming to me. Its not like how normally i just accept it and “it is what it is” my way thru it, i gotta LOOK at it, soak it in, and learn from it, THEN accept it for what it is. No comforting. No “it had to happen so you coul-” NOPE just stare at shit i dont wanna watch over and over while being told whats happening, being asked why it happened or why i did it, acknowledge MY PART in it all, and accept it. Ive known for a long time that the ego is a huge (and maybe the BIGGEST) block to ascension. This is where i saw why. It padded everything. Yeah life may have been a bit more rugged than the average, however i always downplayed my part in it all. I know the ego justifies as a defense/coping mechanism. Ive known for a long time, but the extent, and the part it played in many major life events of mine is mind boggling to immerse myself in it all this time later.
Generally speaking I have had a very low tolerance for bs this entire time since I jumped into the Qliphoth, and i dont recommend anybody to just dive in like i did, please find out if u have or are currently (unknowingly) going thru the spheres. Do your research as well. Its helped me with alot, my boundaries are A1, i dont accept anything that does not serve me and immediately reject it unless it has some sort of purpose in terms of devolpment. My skillset has broadened, I have found what I am, my lineage, and many amazing things about myself during this journey, maybe not specifically in the Qliphoth, but with skills i acquired and strengthened during this time. Still not, done, few more spheres to go, and MAN imma be glad when its finally fucking over with.
But its been worth it.
Pardon the book. Didnt think it would be so long.
