(If this doesn’t follow forum guidelines, please let me know so I make changes accordingly.)
Last year, I held a funeral for myself. Under the sun on a relatively humid day. I dressed up in white, and watched my body placed on the stack of wood.
I also invited those had hurt me, hurt me enough to do this.
I never saw a funeral before, I have lost people dear to me but I’ve never seen the actual proceedings. Yet, I watched the people gather around my body.
I looked at them one by one, observed their blank faces and umoving eyes. Walked on the stone barefoot, not a single person moved, not a hair moved.
I walked a whole circle, and began talking to the me laying lifeless.
I praised myself for the things I’ve achieved, I got angry at myself for not letting the pain get to me, and I got sad for myself, because all my fights had been for nothing and I kept adding sticks around my heart.
I let each and every single memory pass my eyes, and I let myself feel each and every single emotion.
The good, bad and the ugly, all of it.
Then I took a torch, and set the wood on fire.
I fell on my knees and bawled my eyes out. Watching the people around me realizing and noticed the crack in their faces.
For me, they understood now. And I, was long gone.
I went around once again, told each and every single one of them how they hurt me, and how I’m no longer letting myself be affected by them.
The bullies, the abusers, and the manipulators.
They all disappeared in the air along with the smoke, and I found myself in my body again.
This time, when I walked on the sharp edges of the stones, I let myself cry.
This time, when someone hurt me, I let myself be angry and stand up for myself.
This time, when I hurt others, I let myself apologize and accept that I did wrong.
This time, when someone appreciated me, I let myself accept it and be happy.
I collected my ashes in a pouch and walked along the bank of the river. The wind finally moving again, and the sounds of nature washing over me.
The new me, accepting and moving forward with everything that I’ve learned.
A/N: I would like to add that this is something I really did in a meditation, and it was quite personal to me but I felt like I should share it. Slowly I’m getting out everything in the real world and working through it. So you could say this is reflecting in the mundane, although quite slowly.
I did this a few days after I had meditated with Lucifer, who helped me realise I wasn’t working through my feelings but suppressing them. So this piece is, in a way, dedicated to him.
A thank you, for helping me empower myself and truly understand what strength is. I am forever grateful for his guidance and patience he has showed me (I’m honestly very close to tears right now). I know he likes poems and this doesn’t exactly count as a poem butttt I hope he likes it.
I hope everyone who reads this has a good day💜