Yesterday or I think two days ago I stumbled upon this whole thing and man am I hooked.
Today I tried to evoke? summon? (english is not my first language) Lucifer and I could feel his energy and even before that I felt insanely connected to him. Then later on sun was beaming strongly through the window when I wasn’t feeling well. I was tired and sleepy but after letting the sun rays in my room I felt a whole lot better.
I also did a ritual for incubus hope it works:)
Ever since I came on this page I have been researching and researching and gathering informations. I will actually get a book specifically for this so I can simply have an information and stuff written down.
Now it’s 16:49 and I am studying maths for tomorrow and my coffee is sitting on the desk right beside my notebook.
Also I used to be all in for Christianity but I never felt like I fit in and I even argued with them because they were homophobic as fuck and used The Bible as an excuse for them being like that. However HERE, I feel welcomed and everyone here is extremely nice and open-minded.
I am very glad I found this page. ^=^
welcome im happy you are happy or uhhhh happy to know you feel welcome congrates on your envocations and i hope to see you round the page pm me if you have questions about any one i work with or you can hit the post up for one of the experienced ones on here and ask questions every one here is nice so feel free n good luck on your math i hate math
So basically I planned on pulling an all-nighter to study for maths and here is what happened:
I had a big ass mental breakdown. I have severe depression (did tons of tests with my psychologist), horrible mood swings, am recovering from eating disorder and of course anxiety. However anxiety hasn’t been that bad lately.
At around midnight I completely broke down or I think it was a bit sooner?
I cried and I relapsed. I self-harmed after weeks of not doing it but honestly when I self-harm I always cut myself at least 20 times however this time, I only did 6 small cuts.
I AM PROUD?
For some weird reason I didn’t feel like self-harming at all and I think I felt some kind of comfort? I have no idea why I didn’t feel like it and I simply can not explain how was I feeling back then. And just earlier I wanted to purge because I felt disgusting after eating but I didn’t? Because I got this weird feeling again?
So, I went to sleep at around 2 a.m. and I didn’t study and in the morning I talked to my mum about this. She knows about my mental illnesses and she told me to stay home because beside having mental breakdowns I am also a bit sick so yeah. Today I spent the whole day laying in my bed and I even deactivated my social media because I want to focus on school and stuff.
Right now it’s 18:07 and I am going to eat dinner (homemade vegan pizza boiiii) and then I plan on meditating and work on my mental health. I plan on making a study list because tomorrow I’m not going to school therefore I am still going to try to be as productive as possible.
And throughout the day Lucifer was constantly popping in my head haha. I really want to meet him and other demons as well but I have a strong belief that I should do more and more research about this whole thing before trying to evocate? him (again).
Let’s all work on improving our magick and our life in general.
I hope everyone here is having a wonderful time because time truly is precious, so spend it well!
Okay let me say that yesterday nothing major happened really but then the night time came and honestly ever since I started this path I’ve been staying up till like 2 a.m. thanks to me not being tired…I think it’s because I am going way too fast with everything.
Anyhow here is what happened: https://forum.becomealivinggod.com/t/what-is-that/49133?u=arielxxst
I remember how scared I was because man if this being were to show itself to me in reality I would literally lose my mind. It’s currently 14:48 and I am waiting in the car for my parents. In school one hour ago I had a horrible stomach pain and I ran to the bathroom and started chanting Lucifer’s enn and I asked him to get rid of the pain and to give me some strenght (I was panicking because the pain was really,really bad and chanting his enn gave me some comfort in a way? Like it was literally the first thing that came into my head for a weird reason). Now I am completely okay and my stomach doesn’t hurt as much as it did before. I think something is wrong maybe an indigestion? Eh idk haha.
But yeah I haven’t slept at all, I’ve been awake for +24 hours and I am exhausted.
School was great tho. I told some of my friends about me doing magick and what happened and they think it’s really cool haha. I am glad they are cool with this and aren’t making fun of me:').
Today I probably wont be doing any magick and I will just go to sleep ASAP and before that I plan on putting Lucifer’s sigil underneath my pillow because apparently it does something great haha.
Three months later and here I am! So I figured out something just a couple seconds ago.
Apparently Rudolf Steiner was an occultist? And he made Waldorf schools and stuff? Now the amazing thing is: I GO TO WALDORF SCHOOL?!
Which makes me wonder…Ever since I’ve heard of this high school I set my heart on going there and I didn’t know exactly why. I just felt in my blood that this is the school for me and now I am researching stuff and honestly the whole stuff is connected? Coincidence? I think not.
This is so exciting and honestly in school during eurthmy, the teacher speaks very highly of Rudolf and I talked to her about him quite a lot and stuff. I will search for more things later. I am just laying in bed right now and thinking how cool would it be, if it is actually fate and that I was meant to go to that school and that this whole thing lead me to where I am.
Anyhow, lots of things have happened in the past seven months, I am two months clean from self-harm, I am less scared of spirits (still quite terrified if I am honest) and today I also did the tarot readings for myself and I really want to achieve great things, so you know, fuck it imma face my fears. :’) I am much happier as well and I am more than excited to face all of my fears and become the best version of myself.
