I will begin with an introduction.
I am a single, white, female. over 40. No kids/family. I am a friendly but guarded person. People say they love my smile most. They tell me I have a way of making them feel safe and they tell me things they have never been able to tell another soul. I’m a genuine person who helps others without demands.
I am told by entities that I am too friendly at times yet also told it’s rather what makes them like me. Some say to me “You’re so innocent.” I am honest to a fault and given my memory damages I couldn’t lie if my life depended on it if I wanted to.
You’ll be lucky if I can manage to learn your name so wondering if I can hold up a fake sense of self for anyone can be put to rest. I take my time getting to know people, but here? I am diving in giving trust more likely than not too easily. I am given to taking risks at this point because the potential for gain is higher than for loss. Frankly I seem driven in a way I don’t understand anyway.
I am not a traditional sort. I became aware of being “different” around the age of 18-25. then things calmed down so much so that at times it seemed like the things from before were a dream and I was “normal”.
I struggled after loosing my Grandfather and a year ago I became very suicidal and for once responded to one of my only “unusual” friends I had left. Somehow they managed to bring me back from a place I don’t think I would’ve. We began talking about things from the past and things picked up with me again as contact with him became more frequent.
Eventually this led somehow to the conversation of the Ouija board and he say to me “You know you can make your own right?” From there the rest is history.
What was with me instilled this hatred and distrust of books back when. That all those I somehow would come across most often were all missing things that made them more dangerous than useful. I did spells only at the guidance of this being, I Just Did Things, I Just Knew Things, I Just Felt Things. I didn’t know how I knew I just did and weirdly totally random people would seek me out to help them.
I didn’t dress unusually, I didn’t advertise nor speak of these things and yet somehow these people just knew. Some would say I don’t want to know how you help me just please help. About that time the internet had been around for maybe 4 years? The age we know now was still budding…
I had never learned a thing about demonology or the craft and I wasn’t raised with religion. This stuff, actually understanding any of it is Brand New.
Up to this point my experience has been only in speaking with beings I can sense in other humans or feeling what I should do from the main one I was aware of.
I still can’t tell you how I landed on this web site, I Just Did and I couldn’t remember how then nor now.
Most of my life I have attempted to speak of things only with a very few because I watch people I know how they can be. Make them mad and they will take anything they can and turn it on you. I wasn’t going to wind up like that so I made friends etc. but never did I trust anyone “just human” That Much. Now my fear is outweighed by the Need to Understand and Know and Defend myself.
The things the beings tell me I can do when I apparently dream walk. The things they tell me I do over and with the board, and the things I have felt/experienced and how they have escalated drive my motion forward.
I use a term in relation to myself and others “Friendly Possession” where an entity has at some point in life attached to you and can come forward or take over. Even when friendly becoming aware can just about destroy you, the fear, the uncertainty, the nature of what is occurring… It can be overwhelming to say the least.
I once believed again thanks to this One beings effects that Demons never share that it was impossible to have more than one with any individual. Why they did this I don’t know. But now I know of those it hid the presence of. I know a person can have more than one.
Don’t think however this stops me from questioning if everything is real or if I am insane.
At the age of 25 I think I was in a wreck thanks to a drunk driver. It has been a 17 year battle since. Before it I saw a lot of beings all the time. Since I can’t remember dreams usually. My memory sucks. I have tried a few times to learn intentional astral but it never works. I no longer share dreams or pull others into them. Things I had done before the head injury.
I have had some close companion entities try to heal me but they’ve hit a wall thus far and when people who see auras speak they say I have a hole in mine where my head is damaged. My health is shit and my energy nil. I have tried so many things that all ultimately fail.
I have taken note here that some demons are known for healing. how I got there I have no idea either. It is difficult for me to consider asking them for aid because what do I even have to give in turn? I am not the type to use anyone and defining what constitutes Using an entity over it being okay to just ask is something I need to learn about.
I don’t even ask people for help more than not because they always want something and as an attractive woman that is usually an attempt to get into my bed nothing is offered genuinely but rather to serve their own nefarious desires. It’s an issue I don’t need in my life for any reason.
I don’t merely want to learn I Have to now it seems. If I don’t gain more practical knowledge and the ability to do things with intent others will continue to suffer.
The first few entries here will be about how I wound up here, What is happening and How it effects me. Likely a summery of life prior to now as regards the unusual.