(Sorry this is kinda long but hopefully worth a read)
Hi!
I’ve noticed that when I find myself actually attracted to a guy and it’s reciprocated we kinda just create something that’s almost consuming but it never becomes anything. It’s rare that I find myself having genuine feelings for someone. When I do it’s almost like we’ve known each other before but it’s almost always painful for just me(at least that’s what it seems like at times). I dream of them and the dreams feel like memories from some time ago.
They’re always at the back of my mind in a manner that makes me feel like they’re thinking of me too and then they just leave suddenly and it feels like I’ve lost a piece of me. This has only happened 6 times but each man has had a HUGE impact on how i proceed forward.
Usually there’s a long time before the next guy (like 2 years) but most recently I’ve noticed it drop down to 8 months and then quickly drop down to 3. So I met one guy at work and we had a weird and very complicated connection. Things didn’t go well but our bond was the deepest connection I’ve had outta these 6 men. Then the wait time dropped down to 3 months and that ended a lot better than any ever have and I recovered a lot quicker. Then another 3 months pasted and I met this guy who I immediately hit it off with and we hung out into the wee hours of the morning. We had bonded in a way that allowed us to experience things that took weeks to reach within those other connections in less than 4 hours. It was so weird and is still so hard to put into the right words but we just bled together.
The night ended and the dreams and the emotions i experienced afterwards was unlike anything I ever felt before. We just never saw each other again in person and talked briefly the day after but that was it. Every night after, we were in each other’s dreams. I told him he would I just didn’t expect me to, nor did I expect to remember them.
These dreams continued Until the full mom on the 17th and that was the strongest one ever. I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t, it just felt like a recent but distant memory of us.
I saw him at an environment that looked like a nurses station and he somehow had my cat and returned him to me and then left quickly without making eye contact and I got sad. Then suddenly I was in a dorm/apartment and he magically appeared and everything was okay again and we laughed like a couple and joked around like one too.
Now, I will say I did stupidly have a sex with someone else the day before the full moon. I know it was wrong but I needed someone else to distract me from him. He was just everywhere and i couldn’t think. I thought if I slept with someone else those feelings would lessen but they didn’t. It was the opposite.
I felt like I was possessed or in some kind of witchy trance as the random hookup was nearing his orgasm and I called out the one I truly wanted and chanted his name in my head. I felt powerful, godly even. I had never felt like that before but suddenly I was in control and leading his orgasm. Using it as fuel while entranced by whatever force that overcame me to reach out to him. Suddenly we were done and I snapped back into reality. I was tryna process things and then I looked down and saw blood and panicked.
The day after the full moon he blocked me and any attempt to get in contact with him was a failure. My birthday was a few days after the full moon so I made myself focus on anything but him and have been doing so since.
I wonder if he felt that full moon thing and if so was he afraid of me? I don’t mean to do some of the things I do, they just happen but that witchy trance thing was something over never done and I’m lowkey kind of terrified it’ll happen again.
