So, this is kind of embarrassing for a magician to admit, and it’s taking a lot to say this, but I’m glad to finally get it out there.
My first experience with magick was somewhat harmful to my psyche. I was around 17 and hadn’t educated myself properly on the importance of banishment and protective circle casting. I ended up drawing a lot of spirits to my house and traumatizing myself and my family. Rookie mistake, I know.
After that I stopped practicing for a while and only returned when I had properly educated myself on protection. But I sometimes still feel the effects of anxiety when I’m working from those first few bad experiences. Sometimes it even stops me from doing any ritual work at all. I tend to be somewhat of a spirit magnet and I always chase them out of the house like pest-control.
I’ve recently connected to a deity that I feel will protect me more thoroughly but I’m still afraid to go out and do rituals at night for fear of negative entities surrounding me and that i won’t be able to defend myself.