I thought I would share some recent developments and revelations from my path, as Im sure there has to be a few others here going through the same thing.
One of the major goals of a mage is to become 100% self sufficient, providing your own resources, being your own support system, etc. While this is no doubt a quality that needs to be attained if you hope to attain godhood, dedicating yourself to this will lead to unbalance.
Over the past few years, Ive been running into what I thought was a problem. If I was running low on funds, or things were actually getting bad enough that I was running out of food or something, I would do a ritual for it, and usually the next day, a friend or a family member would drop by with a gift or needing a favor that would end up paying to get me out of my situation. After this would happen, I would usually get angry or depressed, and convince myself that ritual failed, because the resources didnt come in a “magickal” way, and that I had to rely on another human being to rescue me. To me, this was the opposite of being self-sufficient, and was a true failure, something that I should be ashamed of.
Today, after years of fighting this pattern, and never really catching on to the whole idea that the universe delivers what you actually need, I decided to consult Azazel on what I considered to be a source of shame.
His response was:
"Just because events have not unfolded in a manner that you deem desirable, does not mean that your workings have failed. Quite the opposite, in fact. You received what you needed, so the ends justify the means. The forces of manifestation take the path of least resistance, so it should be understandable the path that these resources take to find you.
How fortunate are you to have fellow beings that love you and are willing to come to your aid! How is accepting their help any different from enlisting my help, or that of an entire legion? In helping each other, we help ourselves…this is as true for humanity as it is for the non-corporeal. On a universal scale, there is not as much to be gained from working alone, as in comparison to collaborating with other forces.
You already know this, or you wouldnt evoke as often as you do."
Anyone else run into a similar situation?