I don’t mind your asking at all, I’m an open book and I will answer any question with integrity and honesty. And it’s very difficult to offend me on the onset, so you’ll never have to worry about it.
My conversion was initially prompted by a complex series of events which led to me in late 2009 coming to the conclusion that since it was Satan (er, rather the Serpent) who said “Ye shall be like gods”, (and at that time I had decided that Satan was a bad guy) and therefore all the Ascended Masters taught to me by the Theosophic Society were saying the same lie as Satan. And I joined Christianity with only the faintest idea of what I was joining.
I remember praying to God that if he was real, he would have to prove it and so I asked for three things. First, to move out of my grandparents house in Prince George; second, to move back in with my mom in Grande Prairie; and third, for my mom to get clean and stop using drugs. All this came to a tee in March 2010 when my grandmother gave me my mother’s number because they didn’t want me to live with them anymore (woo!), I called my mom and she was going through the AADAC program at that very moment (woo!), and she got permission to go through the program off site so that she could take care of me (woo!). So, I moved back to my Mom and then when Easter came she asked me if I wanted to go to church with her, as at that time I hadn’t gone to church because I had terrible anxiety about the idea of trying to find a place in a community of people who I thought were more perfect than I. But, I did go with my mom, and I saw a whole bunch of friends that I knew from school and the music was like a rock concert, I loved it and started going every week afterward, even if my mom didn’t. I later received the Sacrament of Baptism on July 4, 2010. And Baptism has a unique effect. I’m going to quote some Scripture for reference, I hope no one minds.
Acts 2:38-39, “38 Peter said to them, ‘Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 For the promise is for you, for your children, and for all who are far away, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to him.’”
This one happens during Pentecost and the 120 first Christians had just received the Holy Spirit and they were speaking in tongues. St. Peter makes an impassioned, Spirit-filled sermon on Jesus and the people ask him what to do and his answer is to repent and be baptized (in water), and once someone is baptized (in water) they will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 8:15-17, “15 For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received a spirit of adoption. When we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ 16 it is that very Spirit [of adoption] bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ—if, in fact, we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him.”
So, all Baptized receive the Holy Spirit, and this one says that anyone who has that Holy Spirit is a son of God, the fancy Catholic term is ‘Divine Filiation’. And there are many concepts of theosis and divinization found in this verse, such as being joint-heirs with Christ and that we will be glorified as he was glorified.
1 John 3:9, “9 Those who have been born of God do not sin, because God’s seed abides in them; they cannot sin, because they have been born of God.”
So, building up from the previous Scripture, those who have undergone divine filiation cannot continue in sin, because God’s seed abides in them. In the phrase, “do not sin”, the Greek verb translated as “do” is in Present Active Indicative, which means it can either mean “I do (now)” or “I do (regularly)”, we can tell that it means “I do (regularly)” because of context clues and the next part of the verse. Because, in the phrase, “they cannot sin”, the Greek verb translated as “sin” is Present Active Infinitive, and since it is without the article it means “to sin (every time)”. And so, this Scripture is not saying that Christians cannot sin ever; but that they cannot sin forever. Because the divine seed (lit. sperm) of God dwells within them, and they are on a course to be conformed to the image of the Son of God, Jesus Christ, with or without their continued consent.
Note that this doesn’t mean everyone who is baptized will go to Heaven, but that everyone who becomes baptized will be changed and transformed from one form of lesser glory to a greater glory, in the Son.
I speak on this because it is integral to understanding the rest of my story, and how even though I have tried to leave Jesus, God, and Christianity behind many times, I have never been successful. The seed of God within me aches for holiness and righteousness that can only be found in the Church and the presence of God. In November of last year, I returned to the Church for the last time, and I prayed and I greatly desired a grace from God to prevent me from ever wandering away again. And one Sunday, after receiving My Lord in the Eucharist, I was keeling in prayer in my pew and I entered an ecstasy and I couldn’t hear anything. The entire Church had gone completely silent, I remained kneeling with my eyes closed. And then I felt a presence in the pew in front of me, which I believe to have been Jesus. We spoke a bit about things that escape my memory now, but when I asked him for the grace to never leave the Church again he told me, “Offer an Our Father, a Hail Mary, and a Glory Be for the grace of final perseverance. Offer it daily, and you will receive this grace.” And then, my ecstasy was ended just in time for the priest to stand up and say, “Let us pray”, which was the next part of the Mass.
I told my Spiritual Director and began to do as Jesus had told me, I did it for about a month or so before losing the habit, but I have remained in the Church since, and I say this to my shame, but this is the greatest amount of time that I have remained in the Church. And, I suppose then that meant that Jesus’ devotion worked and My Lady, that Mediatrix of all Graces, was pleased to mediate to me the grace of final perseverance to me from My Lord.
I’m sorry for this word vomit, but it’s many things that I feel are necessary to say. But in regard to this last question, the answer is yes, that I do disavow everything occult related now. I find enough grace and power in the traditional mystical practices of the Church without needing to dabble in the Occult as well.