So, first of all, I’ve never done the Lilith rite posted on this site.
So, as I’ve explained, my family and I moved down South several months back.
One night, I dreamt that I awoke in the middle of the night in my old room. I felt the thud as if someone jumped on me. In the pale nocturnal light, I see a feminine shape. Then I hear in a Harley Quinn ish voice “scrumptious”. I woke up in my current bed room, both aroused and frightened.
I’ve gotten the idea that it was some form of parasite. Perhaps one that feeds on my sexual energy. I’ve never had a positive relationship with my own sexuality. I feel extremely repressed, but when I try to follow it and show interest in someone, I end up coming on too strong. It makes them uncomfortable, so I decide to distance myself from them as to prevent any more trouble. Leaving my only outlet for sexual release to be porn. And I have to say, this doesn’t leave one feeling too confident and fulfilled. And I feel like I have myself to blame, feeling like my sexuality makes me vulnerable.
I thought it might be possible that these feelings may be caused by a parasite that feeds off of me. However, I’ve recently talked to someone who proposed that it might not be a parasite, but a demon that has chosen to be my familiar. He claimed it was specifically a succubus. Course, he’s a demonolator.
I’m not sure I feel comfortable with a familiar introducing herself this way. It comes off predatory. And I’m not convinced she isn’t a parasite. I’m not sure how to communicate with her/it, nor do I think I should.