so then he loves a you…whats stopping you…maybe I addressed the question to the wrong party…do you get butterflies in your stomach when you see him…
Edit:what are you scare of?
This sounds like me. I self sabotage like I have this how things in my head about how my current partner doesn’t even like but is just putting up with me. I just feel like a burden or not good enough.
I also have a ton of trauma when it comes to relationships.
Do you have past traumas that you are dealing with even if you don’t know you are dealing with?
3 Likes
Before my ex moved out to me, we had an online relationship (intament) for about a year or so. I know how hard that can be, and that was just a year and half or so with both of us knowing she was going to move out at the end of that. Going 4 years online with zero physical contact is a lot, and honestly if you don’t plan on ever being with him then you have to give it a hard stop, don’t lead him on, don’t flirt or e-sex etc because it sounds like he isn’t moving forward with his life and in some cases you are not either. It is definitely hard choice, but you have to commit one way or another.
2 Likes
Oh yes I do, and quite a few. Dealt with a big one, but there is more.
2 Likes
On the other hand…the amount of patience and understanding he has for your situation may be the best thing you could ask for. It is hard, really hard, to find someone who cares enough about you to wait so long and still be willing to be with you. But do you love him? I feel like after 4 years you would know if you had deep feelings for him. Can you see a real future together? Because you would be leaving everything you know behind to be with him.
2 Likes
That’s what I thought I could be wrong but you should know if he’s the one you want to spend the rest of your life with after such a long time knowing each other,are you scare in making a lifetime commitment?
I dont know if I can say that I love him. I like him a lot yes. We were planning to move in together at some point and I guess that’s what scared me. He is really a great guy, I like everything about him. He never was possessive like all my other bfs, nor jealous. Always was here when I was feeling like shit, stayed around even though I was acting super cold sometimes.
He is serious about it, there is no doubts. But me ? Not so much. I really want to believe in it, but I’m just here like “What if I fuck it up again ?”
You know for a French woman you seem oddly afraid of love 
. I am reading two things, that you are not really in love with him, you like him like a great friend, but you don’t love him. And secondly, you are afraid of messing up what could be a good relationship. Honestly, that can happen no matter what, relationships will rarely last a life time and they don’t need to. What matters, in my opinion, is living life, taking risks, and being fulfilled in the moment because that is all we really have.
3 Likes
This is a really good advice actually. Thank you
1 Like
I think this is what my problem is too. 17 years of being told I wasn’t good enough. Has me believing it goes for any of them.
I would take it slow with this guy he seems to be in it to win it. He also seems like he will take the baby steps with you too.
Meanwhile do the spiritual cleansing and Shadow work and just take it one step at a time.
1 Like
At least you guys have a chance at love. I think I am done with that game lol.
1 Like
Well here goes another rando way in. In my experience, long distance relationships very rarely workout. Besides being difficult on both parties, what it comes down to is you truly don’t know each other. The only real way to know someone is through being together in close proximity and seeing how each react to the trivialities of the day lol. On a second bit of advice though, even if the aforementioned is true, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t give it a shot. Some of the greatest joys in life are from venturing into the unknown. At worst, if you go all in and put yourself out there, it will end back where you are now. At best, it has lifelong potential. So to summarize all my meandering nonsense, know the risks and chances of what you want coming to fruition, but at the same time know that a jump into the unknown brings with it amazing things and knowledge at the least. Good luck to ya!
Good morning all.
1 Like
Hello!
So, I’m not you, and I think it’s ideal for people to interpret thier own dreams, and it’s a part of getting to know yourself. But I can take a stab at this as if it had been a dream I had. Maybe doing that, the bits that are plain wrong will jump out at you, and help you know what it does mean for you?
So pretending I just dreamt this and now I’m analysing my dream:
First I have the River styx and the boat, which to me represents change, possible change of incarnate state, but also, like the Death Tarot, change in circumstances, ending on old and beginning of the new.
It’s interesting that the crossing doesn’t happen because I get stuck, I can’t get a grasp on the boat, which represents the mechanism of how I initiate and progress the change.
I do have help, a green skinned child, for me, represents my inner child or subconscious in a healing capacity, symbolised by the colour green, trying to help me.
But from the deep waters, representing the unknown, or perhaps fear of the unknown in my psyche, I self sabotage the attempt, and my subconscious is stopped from communicating with me again. I’m aware this is happening but the waters, or fear/unknown are too strong for my conscious mind to overcome.
So my subconscious thinks it’s a change for my good, and I’m aware of an opportunity here, but I’m afraid of it at some level, a level which my subconscious is very much in contact with, but consciously I am not.
But as the struggle doesn’t have a clear conclusion, I feel I am still working on this.
Side note: it’s interesting that Charon is not present. He should be steering the boat in this symbolism, he steadies it so I can get in, and I pay him a coin for the passage.
If Charon is not there, the boat is not the right boat maybe? Or this isn’t the river styx as I thought?
To me, it implies the change is definitely not about a death.
From here, I guess I want to work on getting more about what this crocodile represents specifically, e.g., if it’s fear, what am I afraid of, if it’s a person that holds me back, who, etc. etc.?
2 Likes
Wow! That is amazing!
1 Like
Great points. So the boat itself was actually an inflatable pool floaty, in the shape of the Psychopomp that taught me those skills. The way it floated over towards me, and parked itself against the bank was very deliberate, like it had a mind of it’s own. The river felt more like an ocean in size and scope, but it had a current similar to a river.
The floaty/boat looked similar to this, except the center was open to the waters, and the wings were more defined and vertical. All in all the dream version seemed much more noble than the picture, but the picture is close. The first time I met the psychopomp he appeared to me as a Giant swan floating towards land on an ocean.
Whats certain is that I was dead in the dream, and being shown the passage towards rebirth-reincarnation. I went through these winding halls many times before I got shown the room with the river/ocean. That room was hidden from me until the 3rd or 4th time I went through the passages, and a guide came to show me/force me into the room.
I also have thought that the crocodile was Sobek-Ra, one of the Egyptian deities who judges your soul after death. In fact, that jumps out at me really clearly. I wondered also if the child was one of his spirits as he had green skin like a crocodile would, despite Sobek being completely grey.
Ive also wondered about the child being the child in me as you mention. Perhaps that is what is holding me back, and that is what needs to be judged and passed beyond the veil. Child me has certainly passed on a lot of trauma to adult me.
In part I think I needed to see this to feel a little bit better about death. Since my covid vaccine I’ve had this feeling of impending death hanging over me. I know it’s just my psyche misbehaving, but I had a negative reaction to the vax, and that fear just wont leave. In truth, the fear of death I had after the vax is something much deeper inside of me, something that plagued me as a young child. I thought it had gone away, or been conquered, but it was simply sleeping.
Its a totally irrational fear, but I cant help feeling like death is absolutely imminent for me, despite that probably not being the case. This dream/vision has helped me feel calmer about the whole ordeal. I might die, but at least I know ill be going somewhere calm and peaceful, where I can finally rest.
That is if Sobek doesn’t get me lol.
I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, you make good points.
Yeah, and I’m sure there are plenty of other details that are important for your interpretation. 
And your background is different than mine so you may have different associations…
Oceans are bigger than rivers and impressions that give me, is of a crossing that would take a long time, you can’t see the other side, it’s cold and dark, it’s dangerous, you can get lost when you lose sight of land etc. Kind of reinforces the “unknown” element for me.
Sounds like Charon was there as the Swan… Why a swan and what swans mean to you could be an interesting question? This one has a lot of different cultural meanings, from beauty and grace, to sacrifice (but it’s not a black swan) to fae folklore tricksters and shapeshifters (usually princes/princesses to swans and back, cursed by a bad witch etc), so, tricky that, could be quite varied in how this changes the interpretation and be very personal.
So the styx was not the reincarnation option? It sounds like you prefer not to reincarnate, at least, on Earth, and wanted to move on in the higher realms across the ocean (maybe the “abyss”), and indeed why should you be forced to? What if, you were searching for the other way out and the “guide” was an Archon or other trickster?
Just a thought, based on my own feelings on the transition. Going on with our spiritual lives as we were before we were made to forget who we are and all our godlike skills, and be human is something of a scary and unknown proposition, and might fit with the ocean and dark waters symbolim. The sun chariot passes over the oceans on it’s daily journey as well.
That would fit with the Archonlike impression above, but I have rather negative views of who and what the Egyptian entities really were that color my analysis and probably aren’t relevant here, except to say that the reptilian ETs are thought to have hybridised and control some of the small greys. 
The crocodile also reminds me of Amit, the Egyptian deity that eats the heart when it’s heavier than the feather.
Well, I was talking about the inner child as in the subconscious. There’s also the shamanic concept of a soul fragment that separated at the age you received trauma.
In either case, I would say “judgement” is a scam. You haven’t done anything “wrong”, because imo, duality as not a ever exchanging process but black vs white is fake and a control mechanism of the religions, religions by people who like to keep control, it’s not spiritual truth, so it’s not real, and applying it as “justice” is directly an injustice and an inversion.
Whether this is also true for you, is something you will feel within. Does an innocent deserve to be eaten by Amit for being abused?
This sounds like a reasonable line of questioning to me, as it would be for any drug that is giving you side effects and with the news that’s out there today. Also our society is really bad at talking about and preparing people for the transition and psychopomps are few and far between… My browser dictionary even thinks that’s not a word lol.
I think most people have an instinctive fear of death even if intellectually it’s all understood, it’s like our very DNA compels us to continue via the survival instinct. It’s coming, not from the mammalian part of our brains, but the amygdala, the ancient reptilian core, which is faster than the higher brain, controls us and makes up our minds before we even have a chance to think about it. It’s the amygdala that draws your hand from the fire before you even know it was being burnt … “you” don’t get a choice. We evolved from humans that survived, not the ones that didn’t react fast enough, and conscious thought is too slow.
Let’s hope not, but at the same time, maybe do some divination and make sure that this isn’t your subconscious trying to prepare you, and show you there are options and how to get what you want at a spiritual level out of the options. There were entities “forcing” you into the room to reincarnate, which implies there’s another way or they wouldn’t have to do that.
The dream seems to say you are strong enough to evade them and make it to the boat anyway. So that’s awesome.
Maybe watch out for last minute booby traps. “Don’t do into the light” they say, that’s where the amnesia/reincarnation trap astral machines are.
Not now probably, whenever, but, the subject coming up has given your subconscious a hook to get the information though?
1 Like
Hello all my people how are you this evening?
Good evening! Not bad tonight, just made oyakodon so my stomachs happy at least.
1 Like