Uh…well…yes, Lady Veil…
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…I bet it was you who left that dead toad on my windowsill months ago, too. 
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It wasn’t dead when I left it…
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you’re killing me here mate
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Good 
That’s my job. But I didn’t kill the toad.
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Norse900 the hitman 
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Well, if all I can manage to whack are innocent toads…
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Don’t worry, mate. With enough practice, you can upgrade to mammals. 
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Thanks, Lady Veil. I will carry your encouragement forth as I practice.
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Tuesday, July 13th
Had an interloper drop in as I was going to sleep early this morning. I’d started the sword banishing ritual, and as soon as I called the first name I felt a small presence behind me, which quickly expanded into a large presence. An unknown one, and not the one I was expecting. Then incongruously I heard a malicious little voice behind me say a full sentence in some unknown language, and then laugh jeeringly. Sounded like a little goblin or imp thing or some minor spirit. It was weird as hell. I was very sleepy and definitely could have been in alpha or some other altered brainwave state, right on the edge of sleep, but I wasn’t in sleep paralysis, I could move freely.
And the voice distinctly sounded like it originated outside of me, which isn’t a new experience but it’s uncommon – usually in the hypnagogic state I will hear voices which are clearly not my own voice/my internal monologue; they have a “location” but they seem to originate inside my head, while still triggering my external sense of hearing. If that makes sense. A minor but noticeable difference.
Anyway it pissed me right the fuck off, as does any unwanted, unwelcome, and uncalled-for presence in my room or temple space. So I told it to fuck off, did a full banishing + Metatron + Sandalphon, and had Metatron blast the whole place in a holy flare before soundly dropping off to sleep.
Thursday, July 15th
It occurred to me that I haven’t done a ritual with the Goetia in a while, so I called on an entity last night. I actually did one around 5 or 6 July but I’m a sausage and didn’t record it in my journal or write any notes afterwards.
The opening ritual (DOM) flows so easily and I can raise a great deal of energy in it. Like the last Goetic ritual I did; as soon as I open the demonic sigil I can feel the eagerness of the spirit waiting to be called, building up to a frenzied almost-lust, filling the room, pressing close against the veil. But as soon as I move on into the ritual godnames and the calling of emissaries, the presence fades to a shadow. It comes back with the evocation keys, but diminished. Not sure if it’s me, or if I need to tinker with the ritual a bit to make it work better for me. I can still make contact but it’s patchy and less… vibrant.
I have another experimental ritual I am formulating. More of a chaos magick, pop-culture-driven one. But it should be interesting to see what the results are.
Edit: Oh, and just to round this out a bit more and speak a bit more of Law of Consciousness. I’ve abandoned my structured, regimented routine and I’ve gone back to just indulging in my imagination freely. I was getting too tied up in “I’m not doing it the right way”. Once again – one day I’ll tell the full story of how this worked for me in the past, before I knew anything about conscious manifesting. For now, I don’t care about results, I’m not doing X to get Z. I’m just indulging.
Mark 10:14-15
“…Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
The childish innocence of daydream and imagination and make-believe is the ultimate goal, in and of itself.
Romans 8:18-19
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God.
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Wednesday, July 21
A celebration of sorts tonight; a vindication. Around March last year I asked Belial to remove a troublesome client from my work-life so they would stop causing me stress. After a few weeks of increased stress, suddenly they backed down a great deal to a far more manageable level. Over the past year they’ve receded into the background, becoming less and less important and demanding far less of my time and attention. First, delays to their project, then a few months later they scaled their project back significantly; today I got the word that they were severing ties with my company completely, but would still honour their contract and pay us for the work we’ve done for them.
It is DONE. My greatest thanks to Belial, who makes good on his promises. A ritual I cast on 9 June 2020, now complete, just over a year later, with absolute finality. I’m certain you’ve enjoyed my offerings, but I offer them again to you now. I know I asked you for many things. I offer these things freely, asking the patience of you that you’ve asked of me. You’ve been good to me and your powers are fucking astounding. May we continue to work together.
After some rumination, again, I can’t help but to look back (again) with some regret on all the work I did to bind myself to the King of Pentacles. The cord-cutting I did a few months ago worked a charm, but these connections grow back. So in the real world I ignore him, for the most part; make myself a limited resource. Someone I’m still drawn to, despite my best efforts, and who I know is drawn to me. But I’ve learned better, and I don’t want my time to be wasted.
And I first see, and then I live through, all fluctuations in my perception of his character. I don’t want to waste my time on him any longer, but I can’t seem to bring myself to cut him off entirely, although through my own choice I haven’t seen him for about two months now.
Fucking annoying really, when I consider myself the ultimate authority, but some part of me holds onto him, and I know there’s part of him holding on to me. I know at the core of it all is simply belief – my own belief – but I can’t seem to make the decision either way: to cut him off entirely, or reign him all the way in. I can’t be bothered either way.
In other news, I continue to see the near-impossible continue to unfold, when it comes to health and healing. Maybe I will speak of specifics more when it is decidedly over. But with Melahel and Raphael, and Silence, and Metatron, and the help of my good friends devoting their time and their energy to this end, I have witnessed healing nothing short of absolutely fucking miraculous, literally death-defying odds, in a matter of weeks. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Friday, July 23
Last night I had an odd, brief, clairaudient incident while I was simply relaxing in bed, meditating and drifting in thought. A male voice, originating seemingly from the centre of my brain: “Stay alert.” And when I honed on it, but in a relaxed and open manner, just listening – “That’s right. Good.” Then, “Listen”. Then, something like “A rent in your shirt” (?).
Another, deeper male voice, which I only caught snatches of: “It’s been…”, then something else which I forgot before writing down, and then “…Until next time”.
After that, alongside a dull roar in my left ear, a voice (the first voice?) which said something like “Holly will be your charter”, or “holly gave them charter”.
Holly, in Ogham divination (which I have very little experience of, admittedly):
And its ruling over the period of early July to early August, et cetera.
And to define “charter”:
- a grant or guarantee of rights, franchises, or privileges[…]
- a special privilege, immunity, or exemption[…]
Or as a verb:
- To establish, enable, or convey by charter.
I n t e r e s t i n g.
I then idly thought to myself something like, “It is the Law which sends me to work again.” The first man’s voice replied — “It is truth.” His voice throughout the experience sounded tinny, as though hearing it through an old speaker or poorly tuned radio.
After that a third, androgynous voice whispered, “They are in our future.”
Today a coworker, who I think is very fascinated with me, told me about his future plans for an endeavour in a certain kind of software to do with a very niche (but widespread, in our country) hobby. Yesterday he spoke a bit about it to me and all but offered me a position in this side-hustle and eventual business he wishes to put together. Today he told me he needed a name for the endeavour. I immediately offered up the name of a video game character named for a God/ess of the industry, and also, offered up the name Orobas.
A few nights ago I had a touching and symbolic dream, where a very archetypal character from a show that I love taught me a lesson, and then later, led a horse toward me, as the dream faded. The dream also featured a body of water, and an unmistakeable characterisation of what we like to call shadow-work, a direct reference to some of my worst habits/failings as a human, and yet still the seeming unconditional love of the deepest reaches of my own subconscious.
To add to that, forces have contrived so that my Mon-Fri, 9-5 job has also opened the doorway for me to potentially work four-day weeks. I am keen to take this on, but of course, I need to ensure my finances are in order. 
I also continue to give my thanks to Bael, who apparently gives me the glamour of a fkn rocket scientist who never stops working, when in reality I do as little as I can reasonably get away with. Maybe that’ll change one day when I’m properly medicated for ADHD. I hope so, but maybe not, since I don’t care about career, and I’d be perfectly happy doing something that is either very niche or very tolerable, and being paid a reasonable but middling amount for it. I am not a career-minded person and I don’t care or worry much about money or material things; if something is required, it’ll make its way to me regardless.
Saturday, July 24
I’ve really not much else to report, other than having just made the connection between hearing “a rent in your shirt” the other night, and yesterday at work (the night after said event), a coworker showed up with a shirt torn rent at the sleeve so he could give it to his sister to fix. Irrelevant or nah?
Things seem to be a bit in stasis since I have dropped my single-minded and all-encompassing vision of a few weeks or months ago, but I don’t feel much of anything. I am just taking it easy, not doing any strenuous or involved rituals, and my desire to reach and grab for the things I desire has died down. So, it’s nice to reach that place of dual “it is already done, it is on its way to me now” and/or “whether or not this happens, I will be fulfilled regardless”.
I see the need to work on myself, in a purely mundane sense, to throw off some shackles. But it seems like every time I make progress I backslide. So that belief needs to change; or perhaps it’s my 30-years-in-the-making ingrained lack of impulse control, or any sense of delayed gratification. Discipline, that is something I’m slowly learning. Patience, that is something forced upon me, that becomes easier to bear the more I learn.
Anyway. It’s weird to see the gears moving so quickly and seeming to point me in one direction when I focus on it, and I think I have been spooked a bit by the destructive nature of everything coming into alignment to set me up for my manifestation, when I really direct my energy at it. A “test” or the “bridge of incidents”, whatever you want to call it. It’s just reminded me to sit back and count my blessings.
Oh, and I forgot to add, I’d been thinking about calling on Asmodeus to help me develop my skill in something purely mundane (a video game). First game I played tonight, I played and won against someone with the gamertag “Asmodeus”. Lol ok I hear you.
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Monday, July 26
A Deathless Song – Parkway Drive
After I posted this on Saturday, I had a dream that night where SP appeared to me, and asked if I was serious about the whole thing that I wanted, because I seemed to be running hot and cold with commitment. I assured him that it is what I wanted, and he was satisfied with that, and became happier and more relaxed. I woke up feeling more committed, and more relaxed, and confident. I felt his presence lingering.
The following night (last night) I dreamt of him again, and this time we spent time together, and afterwards he texted me saying how much he liked me and asked when he could see me again. I remember my dreamself thinking “how can this be so easy?”, and also thinking I had to tell one of my online friends, who is on this whole Goddard/Murphy manifestation journey with me.
as an aside, It’s nice to be able to, true to my Air-like nature, sway so capriciously with the winds. when something seems to go my way (by message from my subconscious) it is a sign from god, and i gladly welcome it. conversely, when some element of a dream troubles me, i can dismiss it readily and easily; perhaps even more so denying the unwanted than accepting and blessing the wanted.
Let me beat in your heart
Be your drum of war and love
Let me hide in your arms
Be my cage, my key, my lockBe my deathless song
Fill my aching lungsBreathe your life into me
Because I drown in your shadow
Like salt in the rain
If my fear is tomorrow
Your memory’s the fight in my veins
Oh, and I have these notes from another unstructured, meditative clairaudient thing, that I’ve noted down as 24 July.
“there doesn’t seem to be as much [room] for yourself”
– male, high-pitched voice
“well, you’d have to be honest [with yourself]”
– basically my own voice, but sounding like it was spoken by somebody else, not originating from the place from where i normally “hear” my own inner monologue
I thought for a little bit on things I needed to change about myself, and a feminine voice interjected “What!?” incredulously.
A minor Veil ramble. Good night to you all 
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Tuesday, August 3rd
A special kind of torture: retiring to bed at 9pm last night, and finding myself still wide awake at 3am. Read an entire book in that time. I’m slowly going through my entire library, every book I own. All I want is the escape of sleep.
It’s still winter here by the books, but the humidity today was overwhelming, and so it felt about 5 degrees hotter than it actually was. May not sound like much but it’s the difference between 73 F and 82 F; 23 to 28 Celsius. Those are the temperatures you expect in mid-spring to mid-summer, not just past the midpoint of winter. And the humidity was intense. I remember reading about how there’s supposedly some limit of humidity the human body can take, and if the environmental humidity rises beyond it, you’ll simply suffocate. Today felt like that.
Moody and restless, heartsick and bored, questioning, unmotivated. Sulking. And then I check the moon cycle and see we’re in the final stages of the waning moon, so it at least makes sense: the tides of my body draw away from the shores, exposing all the collective detritus washed up in the emotional tide, as we approach the period of death and rebirth.
No focus for LOB techniques, just sulking. But I do have my little superstitions and my associations that I’ve put together strongly and they pay off. And as always, the “small” manifestations and changes come easily. Today I was sulking to myself wondering if manifestation even works for me and within 30 seconds my phone was ringing to confirm a manifestation. Or rather not a manifestation, but an assumption. Because assumptions, about yourself, other people, how other people see you, how you see yourself, and how the world works; are generally always reflected back to you. So, funny timing, cheered me up a bit.
At least last night I had a nice moment of comfort doing a sort-of-but-not-really LBRP + Metatron + Sandalphon (naturally) and just lying around feeling comforted by their presence. I requested Metatron and Sandalphon to stay awhile, and didn’t really speak with them, but contemplated their nature. Twins, brothers, coworkers? Sandalphon, who takes the wreath of prayers to God, and Metatron, the “lesser Yahweh”, perhaps the closest (or, in my experience, maybe the second-closest[?]) personified essence of God and of the clockwork force, the structure and order of matter, the framework. Equally important each brother, but one rules “from above”, from the cosmos and spacetime, and the other “from below”, concerned only with the current state, the inner space, the unspoken prayer, which he brings to his brother (coworker?) to make manifest in the name of God (NB: UPG).
When I finally did sleep, I woke groggy and disoriented from a disturbing dream, a combined grotesquery of real people crossed with imagined futures, symbols and symbolic acts, still keenly painful. The kind of dream that stays with you all day and makes you want to reach out for reassurance.
Mostly I just think I have a lot of work to do on myself.
On the other hand, my front lawn has sprung up in a lovely field of clover and dandelions, so I will be fashioning some clover wreaths for luck and prosperity.
There are one or two, perhaps three spirits who I think are trying to attract my attention. I’ve yet to do anything about it.
So, not much to say.
But I felt like writing.
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Wednesday, August 4
What’s funny is that after I wrote this, that example I gave actually happened. I literally received a text saying an overseas parcel had been shipped, and then the next day another text saying there had been some sort of fuck-up and my shipment was delayed and hadn’t left the country yet. Granted, it was about a week or a fortnight after I wrote that post, but I was reading back through my earlier posts just now and connected the dots. 
John 5:22 - 23
Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son, that all may honour the Son just as they honour the Father. Whoever does not honour the Son does not honour the Father, who sent him.
The Father (the subconscious mind, or the gateway to the greater All-Consciousness) does not judge your thoughts as good or bad, but “entrusts all judgement to the Son” (the conscious mind, or the local consciousness). Whatever thought you entertain in your conscious mind are accepted without judgement by the All-Consciousness. Whether it be a good thought or bad thought, if it is repeated enough, it is accepted by the subconscious, and made manifest. And in this eternal feedback loop, your subconscious thoughts are fed back into your consciousness in moments of mental idleness.
John 5:30
By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.
And this is why we pay attention to where our conscious thoughts go, and where they linger and stay. Because your conscious mind tells your subconscious via repetition what to believe as true, and then your subconscious schemes to make this manifest in your world. Notice your conscious thoughts. Examine them. Especially in times of idleness. You will notice a pattern. What is your pattern? “Everything always works out for me”, or “nothing ever goes my way”? “It feels so good to know my result is coming to me now”, or “I haven’t seen any results, why isn’t this working”?
Neither your conscious nor your subconscious modes of thought are static. They are always subject to change, and each informs the other. What this means is that if you doggedly persist in a certain conscious thought, it is accepted by your subconscious, and in times of idleness, or even in times of doubt or acceptance or failure or success, your subconscious will offer back to you the thoughts you have fed it.
Often our upbringing shapes our subconscious, before we are too young to think critically or reject notions, when we are just little feedback systems relying on outside input to shape our reactions and our view of reality. “Money is hard to come by”. “I am ugly”. “Nothing ever works out for me”. “You have to work hard for everything you have”.
Do you identify with any of those?
Have you ever considered that you could replace them with better views?
It also occurred to me tonight that I have seen the outcome of a ritual I have yet to cast come to fruition. So, nice to know this experimental ritual works. I will perform it soon, so its effects can be felt in the past, leading to the outcome in current present-time.
Protip: If ever you receive something you wanted, without ever having lifted a finger to make it happen, perform a ritual for it.
Destroy and discard your notion of linear time. Everything is happening simultaneously.
Sunday, August 8
White Flag – Delta Heavy
My superstitious walls are still soundly in place, so suffice it to say that a loved one of mine has beaten incredible, death-defying odds, going from ICU to being fully discharged from hospital in a matter of precisely eight weeks and one day. This is the second time said loved one has beat the odds for this same ailment and come out of it with no side-effects, although the last time was about 15 years ago. This is a medical condition which has a high fatality rate and usually causes people to drop dead on the spot, and survivors to suffer pronounced mental and physical ongoing side-effects. Nope. My loved one is completely back to normal – possibly a little bit weaker physically, but that would be the combined effects of having been bed-bound for the better part of two months, and a small handful of other things. My loved one did tell me that they had a final CT scan before being discharged, and some robotic non-bedside-manner-having neurosurgeon pointed out all the possible doom-and-gloom potentialities, but I mentally dismissed this, and my loved one then later told me another doctor had looked at the exact same scan result and said there was absolutely nothing to worry about and everything was perfectly normal.
I take this moment to rain down praise on the angels Raphael and Melahel; my beloved Metatron; the unknown and divine Silence; my own personal angels in the flesh, @anon39079500 and @ReyCuervo; and my own somehow unfailing refusal to believe in anything but the best possible outcome.
Now I am seeing this come into my life in the form of a nascent extracurricular project with a coworker, which excites and scares me – probably excites more so than scares – my shining dreams pushing the looming phantom of imposter syndrome way to the back of my mind. This is the side-hustle thing I spoke of a few posts ago.
Really it’s just given me something to look forward to and to be excited about, something with potential. The thing about me is that I am at least a little bit good and a little bit knowledgeable about almost everything, and what I don’t know I can find out easily, because I have an innate hurricane force of curiosity which drives me down every various rabbit-hole.
But the other thing about me is I have few formal qualifications; I actually never finished high school (though I can fudge this on my resume since I left high school in my final year), and I have a tertiary diploma in journalism, but for some reason employers seem to want me to slave away for four years and spend tens of thousands of dollars to buy a piece of paper which tells them that I can do the thing I was born knowing how to to do.
The truth is I am a jack-of-all-trades, and there’s no degree for that; I am a writer, an artist, I sing passably well, I act convincingly, I know a little enough about everything that you would want me on your team at trivia night down the pub, and I have a huge range of experience dabbling here and there in various disciplines in the software industry.
Aside from (or maybe in addition to) that, job-wise, I’ve effectively been given carte blanche to do whatever the fuck I please with a particular project at work, and since it’s something that not only interests me but delights me, I am looking forward to it.
I think the lockdown laws in my area are lifted now but I am 100% working from home tomorrow, and will plead guilty to not watching/reading the news if questioned (which is true, I don’t). Plus I get a great deal more done from home than I do from the office, where I always seem to tire easily, get bored or distracted, take five minute breaks every half hour, and prefer to laugh myself sick talking and joking with my coworkers instead of getting work done.
Outside that, I keep returning to the question of what I want, what I REALLY want, and it troubles me a bit, because I am a strange mix of incredibly loyal and supportive as far as relationships go, but also incredibly curious and easily bored. I suppose what I mean to say is I need to find a balance between putting my life on hold until my manifestation comes about, and actually living my life knowing that it’s going to lead me where I want regardless.
One night
One more chance to say I’m sorry
And I can’t believe a lie
Say you need me
P.S. If you like very involving or trippy or animated music videos, go and watch the video linked under this date’s post.
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I wasn’t going to say this publicly, but I think I feel the start of my angelic wings forming, just anterior to my scapulas.
Do you think they have mail order halos? Should I go with a blacklight one or some other color? 
My pleasure to help out, my friend.
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Definitely go with the blacklight 
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I know how weird this is gonna sound, but I realized your posts bring me peace because it feels like is the most ascended part of me talking to myself, when all the pettiness and ego are disolved. So… maybe me in 10 years, after some English lessons, 500 hours of psychotherapy and 2 Valium’s 
Always love to read about the Father and the Son… now I really wonder how I didn’t realized before, with all those catholic lessons? Is there, is just there.
It’s just happening to me. Happens in just few days after the doubt creeps in, with a feeling of being in a dream, waking up in the middle of the night and knowing, before taking the telephone and seeing a confirmation, that is actually not real but just a sign of the doubt I have created and that will materialize in the reversal of the circumstances, for bad.
Been having that feeling more and more. Sometimes what I’m living is not the consequence of my past thoughts, but I thought that because I was (gonna?) live this, and I had already lived it?
Reaaaaally interesting, will do. Thanks!
Is it then the way to change our subconscious? How would you say we should hack, then, the voice that obviously comes about and says that what we’re repeating is not true? I’ve finally identified the couple of subconscious beliefs that create the patters that make me more unhappy. And mind you, they are improbable. But the circumstances keep repeating because… well, you know, I think they do and that’s what happens to me. Affirmation tapes and the like feel like a joke when I play them, and I keep thinking there must be a way to hack my subconscious and I just don’t know how.
Always a pleasure to read you, thank you for this journal 
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Thank you for the lovely feedback, it makes me really happy to know my ramblings have some meaning or usefulness to other people 
It’s a tricky one and I wonder about this myself too. I think what helps me is to go back to something really basic, like just affirming “I love myself”. It’s easier to forgive yourself for having doubts if you give yourself love. And if you love yourself it is easier to accept that good things can and will come into your life. Another good one is “everything is always working out in my favour, exactly as it should be” or “everything that happens to me, brings me closer to my goal”. You could even do some meta affirmations like “I always manifest what I want”.
Another thing that has helped quell that voice of doubt is affirming “I am someone who deserves X”. Like “I am someone who deserves love” or “I am someone who deserves to be wealthy/have all my material needs taken care of”. I find that most people do have an innate sense of belief they are destined for something more than what they have, or of deserving a better life or better circumstances.
I also try not to focus on other people, e.g. “X is in love with me” or “X company offered me a job”, instead flip everything so it starts with “I am”. “I am loved by X”, “I am working at X company”.
Two more things - emotional freedom tapping (EFT) can help get rid of negative thoughts. And also if you find you keep having doubts, just ignore them or flip the thought to something positive, but also make sure you are putting effort into changing your subconscious with other methods, like Neville Goddard’s SATS or meditative self-hypnosis, visualisation, or the lullaby method (repeating an affirmation as you fall asleep). That’s a quicker gateway to your subconscious and with enough repetition should make it easier for your subconscious to accept instead of making you have doubts.
Hope that helps 
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It does help, thank you very much! Maybe the secret is to tackle it from different sides, with affirmations, visualizations, SATS… I’m starting to use questions too (“How did I come to learn this so quick?”). Thanks again for your help 
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Friday, August 13th – Sunday, Augsut 15th
Burzum - Illa Tidandi
The Pearl of Great Price
I have been thinking a lot these past few months about how to reconcile the Law with ritual.
And more recently, I have thought a lot about the “Pearl of Great Price”.
Now here is the quote from this 13th of Matthew:
The Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.Very few are willing to sell all and buy the pearl.
Christ is defined as “the power and the wisdom of God.” In the first chapter of the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians: Christ is the power and the wisdom of God.
Don’t look for a man! A man is only the instrument through which this power and this wisdom is exercised.
But Christ himself is the power and the wisdom of God. You and I are the instruments through which this power and this wisdom is exercised.Now we are told: By him all things were made, and without him was not anything made that was made.
Examine yourselves, to see whether you are holding to the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not realize that Jesus Christ is in thee? Unless of course you fail to meet the test. I hope you will discover that we have not failed.
Everyone in the world is using this only power, but they don’t know it […] It’s called – as we first quoted it– it’s called “The Pearl of Great Price.”
So great is this pearl, so valuable, it takes everything that you own to buy it.
it takes everything that you now believe in other than it to pay for it.
You believe in astrology? You’ve got to sell it.
You believe in numerology, in teacup leaves, in numerology and all these things?
No matter what you believe in as a power to control you, you’ve got to sell it.
There is no way to God but Christ.I AM the way.
There is no other way.
Way to what?
To everything in this world, but especially to the Father.
No one comes unto the Father but by me.
And here he defines it, that he is the only way in the world to everything in this world that you and I seek. And it takes everything that we own– as to beliefs that we think are powers to guide our life– to pay for that pearl of great price.
If you think for one moment you can hold on to one little thing in the event this doesn’t work, you can’t buy the pearl. And so when I buy the pearl, I go all out and live by it. And there is no other being in this world… just the pearl, and I live by it.
And this pearl is your own wonderful human Imagination. That’s Christ.
Christ in you is the hope of glory. Come test yourself and see.
Test yourself and see.
As you test yourself and it happens… well, then, can you turn back to the belief in any power outside of Christ Jesus?
He calls upon us to test him every moment of time. But you can’t buy him unless you pay the price, and the price, it takes everything that you have to buy it.
Every belief in a power outside of Christ Jesus, you give up, and you give it up and hold onto him and only to him. Then you’ve bought the Pearl.
And then you exercise it, the greatest value in the world, and that’s Christ Jesus.By him all things are made and without him there was not anything made that was made.
No power in the world can stop it. All it needs is acceptance on the part of us.
He who is not with me is against me. He who does not gather with me scatters.
And this is the one who can overcome all the powers of the world. And if you are not with him, then you are against him.
Can’t be neutral. I either believe in it, or I don’t believe in it.
So when you go before anyone, don’t even take thought as to what you’re going to say. Just imagine the end, and having pronounced his judgment based upon the end you have predetermined.
Do that.
Live this way in the world, trusting one hundred percent in the pearl of great price.
May I tell you, it will not fail you.
But you can’t modify it. You can’t hold back one little reserve thing.You’ve got to give up every belief in this world in a power outside of Christ to buy Christ. There is nothing but Jesus Christ. You either believe in him or you don’t believe in him.
And any reservation for a rainy day… it’ll rain.
[…]So it’s crucifixion, resurrection, birth from above. These are the three stages.
Then comes the fourth stage. The fourth stage is when the title of titles is conferred upon the one who is born from above. For conferred upon the risen Christ in the experience of man is the divine title “Father.”
And no one can utter the word “Father” but the Son.
And then comes the next stage, the final stage, when the temple, and its wonderful curtain that separated man from God, is torn from top to bottom. So that now you have direct access to the being that you were and are, the being that is God. No intermediary between yourself and God.
Go straight to the being that you really are, which being is God.
– Goddard, The Pearl of Great Price
Den of woe
I don’t know if I can take any one way of thinking, magickally-speaking, and give up everything else. But to buy the Pearl of Great Price, you are asked to sell everything you own – give up every external cause – and accept responsibility for every outer circumstance in your life.
Earlier this year it really shook me when I felt I was getting a handle on the Law, and I had such a clear vision, and pieces fell into place so rapidly. Things that turned my life upside down, but in a way that clearly and quickly opened roads to the goal I was seeking.
Yes, it shook me how rapidly my life changed, and so I let that vision drop. And I don’t know if I can accept responsibility for the bad things that happened in my life when I became afraid and let that one clear vision fall to the wayside. But I suppose I must.
Truthfully I don’t want to give up everything. I like ritual. I rely on certain entities. I don’t want to turn my back on them and take responsibility for everything.
So I ask myself if I’m just attempting mental gymnastics, telling myself it’s OK to proceed with rituals if I can accept that these beings I talk to are just parts of myself. How do you reconcile that? They’re not just my imaginary friends, they are part of my world and experience that bring me joy and peace and knowledge.
And while my worldview sometimes says it’s OK, that everything that exists is part of the same whole, it is a big fucking ask to accept that YOU are responsible for everything in your life, all your foils and fumblings and failings included. It is not so hard to accept a spirit-as-mind model, but it’s something of a terrifying and lonely thought, that kind of sister-solipsistic worldview where you’re alone in your consciousness and everyone else is just an NPC. Do I really believe that? No, I don’t think I do. I believe in other people, human and non-human. So how do I reconcile those two views?
Is that something I must sell in order to buy the pearl of great price?
Or does it merely speak of giving up the means and going straight to the end?
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