Subconscious mind can’t be tamed

My subconscious is saying I should die and asking god to kill me or give me a disease, it is quite disturbing I hope I’m not the only one that is having this problem … how should I deal with this ???

That is some kind of an egregore, a false demon you probably accidently encountered. Banish it or call Abaddon to throw the parasit spirit into the bottomless pit. But Azazel and/or Hecate can do it too.

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It occurred when I was meditating and praying to YHWH, can I just daily do LBRP instead?? Oh nvm you said it already !

Take excellent care of yourself and remember that demons love life, pleasure and fun.

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Banish, and if that doesn’t work, it’s just intrusive thoughts. I think I remember from previous posts that you struggle with them?

In which case, don’t worry about it. I also have (Or had) intrusive thoughts, actually just like the ones you experienced.
They’re just nonsense. Magick firstly comes from your WILL, it is what drives your magick. So I’ve had a lot of intrusive thoughts like that during rituals in the past, and nothing bad ever happened, because it’s just an intrusive thought, it does not direct the magick and it’s not part of your will.

Everyone has intrusive thoughts, and it’s not an issue for most because it doesn’t bother them, unlike for us, because when they occur in magick that can obviously be a bit distressing if you haven’t seen that they don’t do anything.

You stop having them as you realize that they are just nonsense. When you fight against them, they just come up with greater force. So let them come, don’t restrain them, but know that they are not your will and they don’t do anything. Don’t let them bother you, instead gently focus on your actual will, because you know your intrusive thoughts aren’t your will otherwise you wouldn’t be having them in the first place. And spirits are more than intelligent enough to recognize that.

They will disappear within a few days if you just practice that.