To begin, i apologise for the long post. I am at wit’s end. I believe my love life has been cursed, and if so, i seek urgent advice because I cannot ignore the signs anymore.
I met a girl when I was in high school. A beautiful girl with a charismatic personality. This is someone I never thought I would ever date or call my girlfriend because I never approached her. She approached me, hit on me, and in my weakness I fell for her.
Due to my introverted nature, naivety and, what they call simping nowadays, our relationship never matured to what could have been permanent. We just distanced ourselves from one another, right after the day we were about to have some good ol teenage sex.
That was 8 years ago. I’m an adult now. And I’ve never been in a lasting relationship with a woman ever since then, and here’s why:
Ever since I moved on, went to varsity to study, i met someone there. I asked her out, she agreed, we got to know one another, and just when things were about to get really flowing with us, she cuts me off. Okay. I’m mature, somewhat, i accept the conditions, and move on.
There’s another girl i met at the same varsity, same thing: i ask her out, she agrees, we get talking and vibing, and instant ghosting after we got too close.
Now my ego and esteem have been roughed up, i wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Was i not good enough? Don’t i deserve to be loved?
A few years later, into my final years, there was a beautiful girl I knew that lived in the same apartment blocks as i did. We started off as innocent friends, twittering birds, inseperable souls. We spent a lot of time together, and connected on so many realms and dimensions that we fell for one another before either of us ever realised.
Well, with bruised ego, and all, I melted the day she told me she loved me. I was as high as Neptune with joy and ecstacy. I immediately responded in kind. We were a match in the stars.
And as stars die instantly, so did our seeding relationship. Immediately after our confession to one another, she ghosted me. This ended me. I mourned and grieved as if I had lost a brother. It was a difficult time in my life, and if i was ever so insecure, so low in self esteem and so defeated in any prospect of pink love, well now it was tattooed on my soul.
A failure in love.
It took a while to get over her. It took years. It took me getting angry over thinking about her that i had finally moved on…
But now, suspicions were growing strong. Something else was at play in my life.
The last girl i met, she began as a friend, just like the previous one, and we both had designs on one another for many years. She Capricorn, me a Virgo, as well as shared interests and circumstances, we were smitten with one another. We just could not stop vibing. As scarred as I was, i was willing to believe again in pink love. I was falling. I had fallen, but i admit, with my bad record at dating, i was like a wounded dog, afraid of getting too close, but so hungry to be loved again.
On Easter, this year, 2023, i asked her out. We went out. I admit, it was a terrible date. I was absolutely out of practice, out of touch with the dating world that I summoned every trick in the book to try impress her. Well…immediately after the date, she ghosted me.
Surprise, surprise. No, not really. I expected this. I sensed this would happen. Was I broken, yes, shattered like mirror, but still intact. Were my suspicions that my love life may have been cursed coming to bear fruit? Certaintly.
Remember the first girl i met in high school? This is why i believe she may have done something to me.
Every single time…in every instance that I’ve been with someone else, I always dream about the High School vixen. In every dream, she’s seducing me, or she’s just in the background, or “doing things to me,” i don’t know what because it’s so god awful strange, and when i do dream about her, my relationships end, and the girls ghost me, without a reason or closure.
With the girl i met in varsity, i dreamt about the high school girl, sitting on my lap, seducing me. The varsity girl ghosted me immediately. I didn’t take this dream seriously, at first, i thought it was just a flash from the past.
The second varsity girl i asked out, same thing: ghosted me right after i dreamt about the high school girl. Now I’m curious.
The girl i believed was the love of my life who lived in the same apartment blocks as i did: exactly the same thing…ghosted, without closure or explanation right after I dreamt about the high school girl making love to me.
And the last girl, though i loved her, adored her, i treated my experience with her almost as an experiment, as if i wanted to see what was going to happen, and i was not surprised that, immediately after my date with her, I dreamt about the high school girl…and she ghosted me soon after.
What motivated me to ask for help on this forum is that last night, September 21…i dreamt about the high school girl, and to say that the vision infuriated me is an crass understatement. I really believe that she’s cursed me. And with reason.
She always used to take things from me this high school girl, whether they be bracelets, hats, pencils or stationary. I was so smitten that i just went along with the ruse.
Right after high school, in my first year of varsity is when i developed an interest in magick, and right now I’m a beginner Chaote at best. I don’t believe, with my knowledge, that the dreams i have about this girl are mere coincidence anymore.
To add to my spiritual journey, I’m South African, and in South Africa we have Sangomas, which, to the rest of the world, are called Shamans. My mother is from a long line of Sangomas, so her children, including me, have inherited spiritual “gifts” for lack of a better word…and my grandmother was a witch… a terrible witch…but that’s another story for another day. Right now, I just want to fix my love life.
I just included a little bit of my spiritual background to explain that I’m not ignorant of magick, curses and hexes. I’ve experienced some really bad things for some period, but then again, that’s a story for another topic.
I just can’t ignore what the one Shaman/Sangoma told me once, when he was helping my family resolve our issues…he mentioned the high school girl, and confirmed that she did put a spell on me, to keep me tied to her, bonded to her, and that is the reason why she always used to take objects from me, and why I keep dreaming about her, and that reminded me of an instance that the first time i kissed her, this high school girl, and it was my first kiss, a cold sore appeared on my upper lip the day after.
Back then, i was so naive and unbelieving in the power of magick that I just brushed it off, but now…i can’t ignore it.
I want to break this cycle. Exorcise her. Please help. I can’t live without love, as much as I’d try to convince myself. I’m human too. Is there any spell, any petition out there that could help me break my bond to this girl that i haven’t seen or spoken to in years? I’m so afraid to move on with someone else, as experience dictates that the same thing is going to happen again.
Or am i just…overthinking it?
I’m willing to try anything as long as a positive result is achieved.