You’re not alone in your search for the Truth and the answers. Be wary of jumping into an order or coven to quickly. Yes there are many benefits associated with membership in these organizations but it’s a big commitment. Also don’t look to have easy answers given to you or have your hard earned truth fed to you or validated by others. This is just some friendly advice, I’ve been in the game a long time.
Now having said that you will find many students just like yourself here on BALG and many many knowledgeable magicians to mentor you and there are even a few real Adepts here.
Be ready to question your own beliefs and face your fears. Your going to learn to follow your own dark star.
Be well