Moonlit Notes from the Abyss (Nyxifer's journal)

[Nyxifer]

We interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast to bring you haunting music to mourn the human condition by.

[Nyxifer]

Stumbled across a passage from Steve Savedow’s book Goetic Evocation that pretty closely parallels the aftermath to my first evocation with Belial (ignoring his melodramatic pseudo-Christian interpretation of events):

Although no visible appearance took form, we were both stricken with a nameless fear. The primal instinct of a man when encountering a being of demonic nature stimulates terror and loathing, which must be overcome eventually, but neither S.H. nor I have ever experienced such a presence, a power or force not of the world which man usually dwells. Perhaps a form of concentrated evil, although words fail to capture this feeling of dread and disgust. One could never prepare themselves effectively to initially encounter this experience with no desire to flee and hide from such a horrible fate, at the clutches of a demon spawn from hell.

We immediately ceased the evocation, then shakily performed the release and closing, and proceeded to banish the circle area with the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Hexagram, the Banishing Ritual of the serpent, and The Star Ruby. But afterwards, a dark presence hung in the air of our temple, like a dense cloud or fog. Hated, diseased, unseen, the feeling of a soul tortured and tormented over countless eons of eternal and infernal damnations.
…
The dark presence loomed in the temple for approximately twelve days, surviving well over one hundred well performed banishing rituals, before becoming unnoticeable. This may be described as an astral “fog”, which seemed to permeate the area, apparently seeping into other areas of the dwelling. Several visitors commented on experiencing an “uneasy feeling” in other rooms, and some mild poltergeist activity did occur during the twelve day period. No severe reactions were recorded, however, and after this period, things seemed to return to “normal”.

Now I conducted my evocation alone in a separate room while my girlfriend was in an adjacent one, and while I felt a sense of euphoric power from the communion, she did experience the same nameless fear and incoming rush of a powerful, sentient force of “evil” that led her to frantically run outside of our apartment. We also had the same aftereffect of spiritual contamination, in that a heaviness or thickness in the air palpably oozed from my temple area into our bedroom (and one that only seemed to agitate and worsen after attempts at banishing, but eventually dissipated). Likewise, I felt more at home in the energies but it gave my girlfriend nightmares and pretty extreme anxiety until it went away.

I’m left wondering what determines how an individual will react to demonic energies: are some of us constitutionally predisposed to vibing better with the infernal, or is it more a matter of differing reality tunnels (if you believe that demons are malevolent and out to get you, this is what you will experience)? I’m leaning more to the latter now that (more than a year later) she’s had some very positive experiences with Azazel (but still won’t fuck with Belial, lol).

Be careful, lest in casting out your demon you exorcise the best thing in you.
–Friedrich Nietzsche

[A_Pariah]

@Nyxifer

are some of us constitutionally predisposed to vibing better with the infernal

I think that predisposition shouldn’t be underestimated. My SO is a piece of wood when it comes to energies. He wouldn’t sense a presence if it would do a heated break dance right in front of him. The one and only presence that ever made me to think about leaving my seat ASAP was Focalor because it was REALLY REALLY heavy. And there my SO was, in the neighbouring room, totally oblivious. The only energy he receives so far is a funny little thing: he sleeps much better since I started with it.His sleep disorder is gone

[Nyxifer]

Hah, that’s awesome! Yeah, it’s strange how some people are totally oblivious to spiritual energies while others notice them immediately. I tend to have to work at it whereas she’s more naturally sensitive (I enjoy bugging the hell out of her by asking for verbal descriptions of what the energy in question feels like until she throws her hands up in exasperation ).

They do say though that women tend to make better scryers and psychics than men but I wonder if there’s any correlation between psychic ability and one’s natal chart (maybe not specifically Sun sign but perhaps the associated element)? I’m sure being raised in an environment that incorporates spiritual entities into one’s worldview probably helps as well.

[Nyxifer]

Haven’t really been on for a while cuz of life 'n stuff, but figured I’d pop back in to catch up with friends. On the plus side, blockages that were holding me back have been blown to smithereens, which has been a painful but necessary (and ultimately, very beneficial) process. The kicker is that I’m pretty sure this is all just an extended result of a working I did with Belial close to two years ago. Took a while to manifest but goddamn is he effective at breaking chains, metaphorical and otherwise.