I have been have health issues, extreme fatigue, depression for many years now. Medical tests are inconclusive. The past few years it’s gotten worse with the suicidal ideation. It’s almost like someone it’s implanting repetitive suicidal thoughts in my head. I feel cursed and drained. Lots of bad luck, as soon as things start go well, it’s taken from me in the most chaotic ways, literal rug being pulled out from under me constantly to the point I’m scared of everything. I’m perpetually stuck in life. I am not attracting good people into my life but what feels like constant undercover enemies romantic or otherwise. Strangers on the street look at me and it’s like I’m disfigured or something. I know that I’m not, I’m pretty average nothing to gawk at. I see shadow people on and off and sometimes have the feeling of being watched, and the feeling of someone standing in my room. Is there a way to determine what is happening and who is doing it and a way to protect myself? I don’t think I’m a particularly bad person even though when I was younger I wasn’t the most careful with people’s feelings, particularly men, but most young people are like this due to immaturity. I never did anything outrageous or purposefully cruel.
One guy in particular stands out for some reason as the the potential person to do something. I don’t fully understand why. Maybe this is just something he does to women he feels wronged him. (I only rejected him). He has a wife, there was no overlap but I can tell she still watches my social media because she copies me. I don’t really think about her, it’s mostly him I think about. I haven’t seen him in years but I haven’t been able to get him out of my head even though I REALLY want to. It’s a constant thing. I even thought he was my twin flame but I feel like there is something darker going on. It just feels like someone outside of me wants be to die/suffer.
How can I figure out what’s going on and who’s doing it and how can I stop it in a safe way. I can only assume it’s the guy I mentioned but I don’t know that for a fact and I don’t want to do anything to an innocent person. I just think the constant thinking about him is some sort of spell. That’s what it feels like. It’s really painful.