IrisAthena's Journal

Let me know how it works out! :smiley:

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The daffodils I planted for Santa Muerte are coming up. Their season is over & I planted them in the spring, rather than the fall like you’re supposed to. If they bloom, I’ll know that’s her handiwork. :grin:

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My irises, on the other hand, are taking their sweet time blooming, this year. I’m impatient.

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Since I’m impatient for the few irises I have left to bloom, here’s some photos of blooms past.

First, my favorite tall-bearded iris – it’s name is Conjuration.
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The diamond-dusted Daughter of Stars TBI
(This is its second blooming season, in November!
TBIs are big, but these are massive – flowers as big as my head!)
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Daughter of Stars with Alien Mist
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Alien Mist
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Lady Friend & Alien Mist
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Lady Friend
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Lady Friend with an orange climbing rose

Misty Lady
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I forgot the name of this one, unfortunately. (Hemstitched is similar, but not it.)

All-American
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Ice Wings & Harmonium
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Freshly bloomed Gentle Grace (Standard Dwarf Bearded Iris)
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And back around to a variegated TBI with little Tete-a-Tete daffodils (the ones that are growing as we speak).
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Ok, to make this post a bit magickal… orris root is made from powdered iris rhizomes. The kind I used to get was made from wild iris (blue flag), I believe. The new supplier I order from uses iris germanica (similar to these), which is stronger scented & makes me sneeze, doh!
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(I also love wild iris, Siberian iris, & Japanese iris.)
Here’s some info I have about magical uses of these plants (I’m paraphrasing here.)

Iris (any variety/species): “Feminine, Planet: Venus, Element: Water. Sacred to Iris (duh) & Juno. Powers: Purification & Wisdom. Has been used for purification since Roman times. Place fresh flowers in the area to be cleansed. The 3 points of the flower symbolize faith, wisdom, & valor – so they can be used to induce these qualities.”

Orris Root: “Sacred to Iris, Hera, Aphrodite, Osiris, & Isis. Powers: Love, Protection, Divination. Known as Love-Drawing Powder. In Japan, it protects against evil spirits. The roots & sword-like leaves are hung from the eaves of the house & added to bath water for personal protection. Can use a root as a pendulum.”

Daffodil: “Feminine, Venus, Water. Powers: Love, Fertility, Luck. Placed on the altar during love spells. Placed in the bedroom to increase fertility. Carried for love. Worn next to the heart for good luck.”

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They are so beatuiful :heart_eyes:

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Thank you so much! :grin:

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May 25th, 2019

Ok, so concerning my banishing spells this moon cycle, I altered things, yet again. I didn’t do any working on the 20th because things came up. On the 21st, I made the meal (salad & aglio e olio), but I made it & we ate it during the Moon Hour, cause my parents were hungry & didn’t want to wait any longer to eat. I figured the Moon Hour would be gentler than a Saturn Hour for something taken internally. I didn’t tell my parents I was including them in this spell, lol! But to avoid perhaps feeling a little guilty about lack of consent, I just asked the plants to please gently rid us of anything harmful; harmful emotions, harmful thoughts, or anything harmful in our bodies. We all got sleepier than usual after dinner & crashed out watching tv, lol. The salad didn’t taste very good, but the pasta was awesome. I haven’t noticed any difference in any of us since then, except we’ve all been extremely tired & sleeping a lot. I’m not sure what that’s all about. But there were no violent reactions to the enchanted food, so I’m happy. :ok_hand: But, since I fell asleep… the purifying bath was not done. :frowning_face: Looks like I may need to wait til June 1st to do that.

But, on May 22nd, I did a binding spell on the woman at my old work that I’m afraid is talking badly about me. I basically did Vovin’s Freezer Spell, with the added addition of wrapping the scroll around a piece of alum. :wink: I believe these were the timing correspondences for that working (I made notes, but can only find part of them, at the moment.): Counts as a Tuesday for Planetary Days, Jupiter Planetary Hour, Moon in Cap (Good for: All types of banishment, all business and career ventures, especially moving up the ladder, & success.),18th Lunar Day (favours the beginning of long-term projects, especially those aimed at earning money), 22nd Lunar Mansion (Good for speed, personal power, & escaping from difficult situations. Bad for financial matters, trade, & hiring employees, doh! But also good to suppress rumors, create goodwill between individuals, & the binding of tongues. “Warnock : Make images to cure illness, to cause good will between allies, … for binding tongues so that they don’t say anything evil.” So we’ll see what happens with that.

I told ya, busy little magical bee. :honeybee:

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I’ve been thinking of working with MCA. He’d be awesome as a spiritual mentor.

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Bzzz Bzzz :honeybee:

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Links to my job strategy rune reading by @Mephisto.

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Post 2

Jera – Perthro – Thurisaz

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" Object of power: Mill-stone, scythe" Interesting.

“Present significance: violence, attack, aggression. When reversed, this rune tends to mean defensiveness rather than aggression. Mjolnir is often considered as a balancing aspect of Thurisaz – the positive manifestation of this troublesome rune, which, once mastered is unmatched in power and might.” “This meditation is designed to balance the energies of Thurisaz that build up around us in response to stressful and emotional events. The energy of Thurisaz manifests in the fight or flight response”

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Mood Music

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Zepplin!

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May 29th, 2019

This will probably be edited many times or deleted completely. I’m in a little emotional tailspin due to my dad being the asshole he is & my having PMS (thus, much less control over my emotions than usual). I hate that he can still fucking upset me as much as he can. I hate that he is such a goddamned asshole. He’s a narcissist & has sociopathic tendencies, too. Besides being a goddamned coward. And yet, I love the bastard more than anyone else on earth. His opinion shouldn’t matter as much to me as it does, but it does. Sigh. So what’s this all about, huh?

He mentioned briefly, days ago, that he should have been there for me more when I was young. And I wondered why something I’ve wanted & maybe needed to hear for decades didn’t feel positive to me. I was figuring it was sort of a “too little, too late” thing. But then I thought back to what he actually said & realized it was just more of his old bullshit. He said he should have been there more for me when I was a teen, but I was so headstrong that he let me have my way & it turns out that was the wrong decision. For some reason (denial & racism, probably), he thinks the fact I went to the public high school near me was a huge mistake. I broke the fuck down in high school & had to be inpatient in a mental ward a few times (no longer than a month, any time), but it was because that’s when my C-PTSD kicked in. I was finally in a safe place & all the emotions I had to shove down & not deal with for a decade (because there was no time for emotions, I had to keep myself alive) came gushing out all at once. I never knew before high school that it was possible to mind your own business & not be hurt for no goddamned reason. My brain could not compute it. I kept waiting for the next attack that never came. I kept waiting to have to fight for my life, again. And the more time that went on where no one attacked me, the higher my anxiety & hypervigilance got to where I couldn’t even be in the school building anymore. I had to ditch, cause the longer I stayed in the building, the stronger the feeling of imminent doom & death got. I’d have panic attacks & have to leave. I tried to deal with it. But when it got to the point where i just locked myself in a bathroom stall for the whole school day, trying to calm myself down & chain-smoking… I was like, “Fuck this” & would leave & smoke weed with friends. Feeling safe & happy & having fun & feeling included & that I belonged & was valued & ugh.

I needed his ass before I was a teen. When my classmates kept sending me to the fucking hospital with broken bones & internal injuries. But, no… he couldn’t be fucking bothered to do a goddamn thing, then. It was my fault back then, too. If I wasn’t strong enough to win fights, I deserved what I got. I remember the first time I was hurt badly enough to have to go to the hospital. I got jumped by over 6 guys… it was a pile of dudes, idk how many exactly. I didn’t start the fight, but I didn’t roll over & submit, either. I fought for equal rights. And was beaten for it & told I was bad & the one who was wrong & the problem, by all involved, obviously. Teacher didn’t stop it. Wouldn’t let me go to the nurse even though it was right across the hall from the gym. Teacher yelled at me & told me to stop crying & being a baby. Fucking asshole, I was a 7 year old girl & I thought my arm was broken. Turns out it was my collarbone. I disobeyed (after catching the other gym teacher doing shots in his office) & went to the nurse & then the hospital. And my fucking mom was too afraid to call my dad to tell him. I remember her whining, “He’ll blame me, he’ll yell at me, you tell him!” & forcing me to call my dad at work. And he was instantly pissed & yelled, "NOW what did you fucking do?!" Yeah, of course getting jumped by a bunch of boys was my fault. Before hearing any of what happened – I was always in the wrong & the bad one.

So, the fact that he’s still trying to peddle that “all your problems were your own fault & that’s why you’re fucked up” isn’t fucking flying with me. My divinations lately have been telling me I need to be more assertive & speak the fuck up, so I briefly talked to him about it, last night. Reiterated that high school isn’t what fucked me up, but grade school. That he should have been there for me then. He got annoyed & I’m tired of banging my head against this brick wall, so when he said, “It was in the past, let’s just forget it,” I agreed. I used to protest that, but I know there’s no goddamn point. He can’t be the father I need. And I’m much more of a man than he’s ever been.

This is a man who, after being questioned by a surgeon as to whether his 9 year old girl had been raped, because that surgeon found scar tissue inside her vagina, just wanted to get out of that hospital asap. Because he was “bored.” Eating my food & drinking my juice, which is used to make sure everything was sewn up correctly & I can pass solid & liquid waste correctly after the unplanned additional surgery I just had. That I was bleeding from my vagina from. When I was told I wouldn’t be cut. But, no, fuck that. Screw the physical health of my child. Who cares if they sewed everything up correctly or not? Who cares if they missed something in that bloody mess & urine or feces invades areas inside her body that it shouldn’t. I’M BORED, LET’S GO! Luckily, the nurse caught him eating my food & brought me more, so they could make sure my body was working correctly.

This is a man who literally stepped over an old, injured man without any emotion whatsoever & was going to keep going as if nothing happened. I yelled at him to help the old man up & he did. The guy was a Vietnam Vet. He had vomit on his shirt & a hospital bracelet on. He asked for a cigarette. I gave him one. Then he started getting physically threatening toward me. I didn’t want to hurt the guy, cause I could tell he was altered (either by mental illness or drugs – he either escaped a mental ward or a detox place) & not really in control of himself. I probably could’ve taken him, but I didn’t want to hurt him. So, in an uncharacteristic moment of hesitation, I glanced to my dad for help. And he was running away down an alley. Saving his own skin & not giving a shit about me. The only way it could’ve been worse was if he had pushed me towards the poor crazy guy to save himself. He was NOT going to get help; he was running away like a little baby. I finally saw who he really was that day. I looked to my mom, who was still nearby, but confused as to what to do. I defused the situation (I almost always remain calm in an emergency, unless it’s my emergency) & the man ran away into traffic & almost was hit by multiple cars. I calmly called 911 & they had already received calls from the motorists.

My dad is a man who has been & has no problem being violent to animals, children, & women. He brags he used to beat guys up in high school, but he either was a bully or he’s lying, cause he only attacks those weaker than him. He beat me up once as a child. Terrorized me a lot, too. So why the fuck do I care what he thinks so fucking much? ARGH!

I have a pet that violently hurts me. My parrot has bitten me multiple times badly. Cracked a bone in my finger, left scars on my face. He hates my bird. Always asks how I can love something that hurts me so much. I’ve almost said, “Well, I love you, so…” But it’s not worth the fucking temper tantrum he’d throw over that. Here’s evidence of my parrot’s latest attack. The funny thing is, I didn’t even think he broke the skin at first. And then the blood started bubbling up & would. not. stop. This blood on my nightgown is just what escaped as I was holding the gaping edges of the wound closed tightly with my other hand, while I walked to the sink.


In order to try to break parrots out of biting, you are not supposed to show any emotion while they are biting you. Heh… this is easier said than done. But I do it. I stare at the bird stone-faced & tell him “NO!” in a calm, firm voice. Then get the fucker off of me & tend to my wounds. I needed stitches for this, but I didn’t go get any. The wound was still bleeding like a river 12 hours later. (I bound it tightly with big band-aids, but when I took it off to change it, the blood flowed freely, again.) I lost feeling in my thumb & some of my fingers for hours (he bit the thin, bony base of my thumb), but it came back. I was fine in a few days (luckily, I heal from cuts/punctures quickly) & there isn’t even a scar.

My grandpa (my dad’s dad) was a paratrooper in WWII. He & I got along quite well. He never talked to his kids about the war, but he talked to me about it. I think he knew I’d understand better than the others. I used to go to a VFW to hang out & drink (friend would get me in) & I get along with vets quite well.

Well, anyway… I just needed to vent a little. Here’s a couple of videos. I’d like to post something more “real” & “gritty” than the A-Team… but I have a goofy, fun sense of humor, too. So, yeah, here ya go. Oh, here’s the Wikipedia entry on courage, too. I have it. My dad does not.

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I am so so sorry you had such past, such memories and such frustration at the moment.

I just wish you to be happier. I am sure the days will come. PMS makes us more sensitive to everything, and you seem to have quite a lot on your shoulders.

Sending you love,x.

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Thank you very much, Nox. I just needed to vent a little, ya know? Oh, I forgot to mention that my dad didn’t go to the hospital the time the ambulance took me, when I saw Santa Muerte, which I wrote about to start this journal. Citing the “not wanting to be bored” thing, again. All my friends have left me, well, except for my best friend in another state, but I’ve outgrown him & am leaving him. At least when everyone is gone & I am done, Santa Muerte will be there for me. She’ll be my friend at the end. Probably the only one. Thanks again, Nox. :hearts:

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You have another friend in me, just so you know.
Whenever you feel it drop me a pm.
You are not alone.
And of course, Mamma Muerte is the best!

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Thank you so much, @anon48532061. Hugs!

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Don’t thank me!!!

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I am glad you overcome it like a boss :muscle:

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You will have plenty of friends I guess. Never worry about it :+1:

Btw, may I suggest that you work with Vassago for a little time, it has some therapeutic powers which may be very useful and will help you to release stored pain, confusion. This will help you with your future in a very positive way. :slight_smile:

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