I fully agree. In my dark times I found that meditation just created more space for my very negative ruminations.
I again concur. Get in to talk to a professional.
Again, agreement. I am in that space now. In my dark times I very very very nearly self terminated many times. Now I am glad that I did not.
Absolutely. Its a strange thing really, improvement creeps on you incrementally. I didn’t even notice it at the time. It wasn’t until one day I noticed that I was no longer miserable, that no longer ruminated on the things that had happened to me much or to the same intensity. All of my suicidal ideations had gone. I couldn’t put my finger on when change happened, because it was a gradual process. When I looked back, I was amazed at how far I had come. I believe that it will be the same for you.
As I changed, other people were drawn to me, no longer put off by the energy I was exuding.
Stay the course. Keep going. Things will change. Talking to a professional is a great start.
There is also something else that will help, again gradually over time. This is our friend Luna- I wish I knew about her when things were dark:
Safe Servitor for beginners, banishing, protection, shielding and warding - Spirits, Evocation & Possession - Become A Living God
You see, in your current state you will be generating and attracting some pretty counter productive energy and this becomes something of a cycle. Our Luna is great for transmuting and cleansing energy in your space. I suggest calling her in daily and you should start to notice your environment feeling lighter over time.