So, the hundreds of grimoires everyone here has read doesn’t exist? Don’t have tutorials about how to perform the magick?
Why do you think you need a mentor? There are many resources, a bunch of them free, to educate yourself. We don’t live in the middle ages, when to start practicing you should first learn how to read and all the good stuff was hidden due to fear of execution by church or angry mob who thinks every little thing that happens to them is your fault.
Piece, I’m out.
We have many things here that are very helpful.
I started young in magick and even now 19 years later I still have things to work on. Hun it takes time. Everytime one door does not work there’s another out there that just waiting to be opened. Don’t look down on yourself. We all have our own strengths it just takes time to find it.
Take the advice of the many that’s been trying to help.
To the ones who was being asshole… I will flat put state I told that person they had parasites and then they got into an argument with me. That same asshole then said something to me that set me off and that was a side I don’t unleash that side often.
Alright, heres the thing. You said you tried to learn tarot and failed… how long were you trying? In the words of a wise man “the master has failed more times than the apprentice has tried”. Like darkestknight said above, it took me 8yrs to get to a point to where I can say “yes, I am competent at speaking to spirits”. 8 fucking years of unclear and confusing messages, and a few years at the start talking to various liars and deceivers.
I BLESS you with Chaos! If you want God to “destroy your pagan heart”, by Eris it will be done!
And then, after you have been reborn from your sinful ways, think about the magick you wielded to make it happen.
There’s a whole world full of other gods and goddesses. I worked with the Goetics a lot when I first got started. I don’t much work with them now. There was (is) Pele, Tiamat, Inanna, Hecate, Zeus…
Someone will work with you. Don’t get hung up on just one group of spirits.
Just saying, my Eris never flooded the world because she was salty at people enjoying themselves too much. Or demand someone’s child as a sacrifice, or ask people to live restrained unhappy lives.
Who do you reach out to? No one, you must reach into yourself.
Most people do not get the benefit of a mentor. We get videos if lucky and grimoires and struggle through.
I consider myself mostly a beginner & have no mentor but I preservere knowing that the more I work at it the better the odds of success and the lower the odds of failure get.
Example coin tosses. Science has determined by experimenting that the actual odds are 50/50 and off you toss the coin 100 times (assuming it’s not a trick coin ) you’ll get heads approximately 50 times and tails 50 times. So let’s say you’ve had a run of bad tosses and have had 10 tails in a row mathematical odds are that the next toss and likely several after will be heads. You just have to keep at it.
Sure times you will fail but if you keep at it you’ll succeed eventually especially if following the advice of other mages even if you don’t have them mentoring you you still have their grimoires and videos and forum information and internet (internet is NOT the best source but it connected you here where people have been trying help you. And it connected me to some grimoires and helpful advice. So while not the best source it is a source and it did get you here).
And grimoires (and videos) are a partial long distance type mentoring if you have the right one/ones.
And for the record I’ve failed lots but I’m not giving up. Failure is just a step still to success. Especially if you look at athletes, musicians, school kids etc. Fail once try again, fail again try again. Didn’t Thomas Edison say I didn’t fail to make the lightbulb 100 times I found 100 ways it didn’t work? Persistence is everythingz
Dont believe anyone who says they are a master, or that their magick is always successful. Peter J Carroll supposedly estimated his magick success rate at 25%. Failure is an intimate part of the human experience.
Why even care what other think about you? You are an Individual so be yourself and
do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law
Said Crowley the biggest magician of last century
Girl, stfu with that defeatist foolishness.
You’re learning, it happens. We make mistakes and we assimilate the new data into the old architecture until it becomes something new.
You, are great.
Say it with me. “I AM GREAT.”
Just don’t forget that this is all a process.
You’ve got to give yourself time. It’s like most other skills. Some people are naturals who lose interest and others suck at it until they overcome their obstacles and can find a lot of success.
So Vigilante saw this post and asked me to pass on a message for you:
First I’d like to apologize, don’t let my bashing discourage you from doing magick, you pick your path that best suits you,
my only advice is don’t try to force or enslave demons, especially as a newbie since you don’t have the level of power required, it’s dangerous and you may make enemies of the demons. That being said, you do you.
Spiritual beings don’t normally care about your skin colour, so in my opinion, you shouldn’t let that bother you.
I spoke to Archangel Michael for advice for you, and saw a vision of you shuffling the tarot cards, so maybe start with that and develop it, it may give you some clarity.
I hope you find my channeling useful. Trust yourself and don’t listen to people who put you down.
And once again, I apologize, best wishes!
Whoa. Hang in there kid. You keep kicking your own ass like this long enough, you will eventually realize you are your own worst enemy and hopefully stop with the self inflicted ass whoppings. Then you can make some changes and hopefully grow into the person you know you want to be. It takes time and effort. Give yourself some grace. Nobody can do this for you. You can and you are enough. 
All of these things you say you can’t do in this post I can’t either
rarely do I dream
meditation becomes a list of what I have to do this afternoon
rarely do I see auras
astra projection ha illuded me for the last five years of trying
can’t evoke ? invoke MMMM HAVE THEY ARRIVED MAYBE
spirit guides /ancestors/spirit animals quite as a mouse
But when I go and ask for help from Lucifer Marbas Andromalius Bune Nitika I KNOW that they will come through for me, and that is not something I need to question even though all of the above still stands.
The magick still works, ask for it with power Demand it to be so, and expect it Quickly,
In that moment you are the creator Don’t give up you will miss out on a lot of fun stuff Happy Magick
I wish I would have come to that conclusion earlier, then I would have stopped loving my ex sooner. I highly recommend reaching out to different spirits, spending some time to feel out the energies of each one. It is much easier to work with someone who clicks with you, especially for a beginner.
Another option for you would be to request a reading from someone on how to best open up your senses.
Funnily enough I’ve had a similar experience with Lucifer…
Really caught me off guard. Lol
I was brought up in a demonic path if there’s some way to change don’t maybe stop going to church shit
Maybe take out the word “children”. You are a creation of science, DNA, spirit, - so so much more than a child.
I didn’t read your other post and personally, reading this post I sense you are in a very negative place where you doubt yourself.
I know where you are coming from; however, no one ever starts out mighty. You’re really the own key to your success - you don’t need anyone but you.
Learning from others is good - let the forum be your mentor. The right people will come into your life and I can promise you this.
Much love 
@Pamelq_Taylor Whether You Think You Can, or Think You Can’t … You’re Right. You’re in control of your path and direction.
There are thousands of Pastors, Preachers and Teachers that will lead, guide and direct you in the Christian Religion. There are waves of testimony, community and uplifting messages for you to consume coming from over 40,000 different denominations.
But keep this in mind, the process of initiation is the SAME. You WILL go through ritual by giving yourself as a Sacrifice. You WILL speak incantations from a 1700 year old Grimoire (The Bible). You WILL do magical ritual by consuming the blood and flesh of a deity (Communion).
The Left Hand Path is not as accessible or convenient as Christianity. It often takes an autodidactic “spirit” to walk the Left Hand Path. But make no mistake, you will still be walking a Path either way. Just one is of submission and the obliteration of the personal will and the other is of dominance and of self Will.
So by all means let your Shepherd take the hook of his staff and pull you back into the flock by the neck. Not everyone has a Faustian Spirit. And Wolves never complain about an over abundance of sheep.