I’ve been into magick for quite long a while, more aligned towards left hand path and working with the demonic. I’ve been rather inactive for a long time (lots of depression, apathy and alcohol abuse included to my past) but my practice is becoming more and more serious as I’ve been pathworking and evoking more than ever. As I feel myself evolve I’m starting to find an urge to connect with others doing this but I still have not met a single real magickian in my entire life. I know a lot of people interested in studying the subject, but literally NO ONE who would have been interested enough to try to do more than maybe one or two rituals. The most experienced magickian I’ve ever met personally had done something like ten rituals five or six years ago and freaked out because a baneful working would actually work and after this did not practice at all ever since. I have friends who are into spirituality and several of them know what I do and they are very impressed with my experiences and my insights but apparently not enough to try find their path with anything that does anything else than makes them feel more “spiritual”.
So my question is how to find others? I’m not necessarily looking for someone to ritualize with (which might be cool, but dunno), but just other people with experience with working with spirits, evocation, real magick with real results. Yeah, I know this forum exists, but it does not serve the same thing as meeting someone. I’m also rather bad at texting and talking online to people I’ve never actually met. I’ve got cool insights and experiences to share and would be so awesome to compare notes with people I could meet in person and possibly help each other out. I should maybe add that I’ve been living abroad for two years and moved into a new city after better job six months ago. Sure I’ve been able to find cool people to socialize and play music with, but all the spiritual people I’ve found are again just these new age hippies or pagans into all “how to feel super spiritual” -things.
But I’m not giving up, there must be something I can do. Magickians might be a rare breed, but we exist. Any good spirits/spells I could do for this? Maybe I could even try somehow find lodges where others do their work? I have absolutely no idea how, but it could be super interesting. Maybe I could even find a mentor. For quite a long while I have kept heavy secrecy around what I do, but maybe I should change also this somehow, at least a bit? I know I have also certain fear about this also, you know the insecurity: “maybe I’m not cool/serious/powerful/whatever enough magickian for others” and that stuff, but I try not to take that too seriously I need to overcome this fear anyway and I’m starting to be quite confident about the fact that I actually CAN do magick. Still noticing this fear has led me to ponder that maybe there is also certain attitude that needs to change when coming from a long path of being solitary practitioner to join with others…?
Please share if have any ideas or experiences on this!