Drunk Harry's Shack

[Hypnos]

Watching various creatures vying for the great prize: some chicken skin I left on the front doorstep of the shack. A chunky young opossum battles a kitten, an older cat, and more.

Chicken skin.

And what scraps am I fighting over? Nothing better, I guarantee you.

The things I think are important, aren’t. The things I love often aren’t worth loving, either, but I do love and care for them.

An opossum nearly walked into my house. Well, there are people, and deities, who would regard me as little more than an opossum, whose “homes” I’d walk into, if only I could.

Kindness to small creatures is something I can get into. Because, in so many ways, I’m a small creature myself.

[Hypnos]

I’m still drawing breath. Yeah, I know. Everyone was so worried…ha, ha, ha.

Anyway, busy time here. Most of my occult impulses lately have been coming through in dreams. Totally bizarre dreams.

I’m still doing ritualistic exercises, but freeform work, as well.

I keep waking up in the morning, but I’m not sure why. Still, while I’m here, I’m simply fascinated with life. I seem to be interested in the things that most people tend to forget about. The simple things keep seeming more profound as time goes on.

I’m not going to bash “simple” country people for preserving certain old ways, because there’s likely more magick in it than we (and they) realize. I don’t like to see traditions die out, even when they appear on the surface to be somewhat senseless.

Rituals don’t happen overnight. Something happens, over time, to codify them. Sometimes, even though the rituals seem silly, there’s a lingering sense of the magick they may have once contained.

[S.Boheme]

@Hypnos I was worried…just a little bit lol! Don’t just stay away like that D%@#*&! I for one am glad that you’re OK and back! I actually may have missed you…just a little

[Hypnos]

I’m here. At least I think so.

I sang at a church service this morning. They keep asking me to do that, Odin knows why. I always learn something when I go, even if I learn that I really should go to the john before they start the service.

I learn things wherever I go. I’m always watching, even if it looks like I’m falling asleep in my chair. I’m like some kind of cosmic squirrel, stuffing away bits of knowledge here and there to use later, or perhaps, right at that moment.

I’ve said it before. I think I’m polytheistic at heart, but I don’t know what to do with that while living in an aggressively monotheistic culture. Of course, monotheism is called into question occasionally with concepts like the Christian Trinity, and I’ve injured my brain quite enough trying to read amateur (and professional) theologians discuss the Trinity.

Folk magic? Yes, please.

Dreams? I have 'em. They keep getting increasingly intense.

I see weird messages in little details, especially in houses of worship, lodges and so forth. Even businesses, parks and public buildings have forgotten little details. Nobody pays money to commission stained glass windows or wall paintings for nothing. Why are these things here? I read buildings like books.

What fantastic occult discoveries have I made since my last visit here? None. What spiritual advances have I made? None, although I’m still trying to suss out hidden details in common rituals that bore the ass off most people.

I’m drinking peppermint schnapps this evening. I may be drunk, but at least my breath is pleasant. Minty fresh insanity.

[Hypnos]

I don’t have any brilliant answers for you, or for me.

I exist. Hooray!

Hooray?

I’ve been feeling an odd sense of spirituality lately. I care about forgotten gods and abandoned places, but also care about spiritual or other currents that are operating in the here and now. There are certain energies, even within Christianity, that I feel are powerful.

I perform rituals, although I’m not certain of what good they’re doing. Sometimes, I think that giving a poor person (or animal) a meal is worth more than all the rituals ever performed. But still, I’m out here doing my thing.

I know, use the search function; use Google; above all, don’t bother people with stupid questions. But I’m curious about contacting ancestral energy although I was adopted. Only now, in old age, am I finding out a few things about where I came from. It’s not what I expected. It’s more interesting than I’d expected, in certain ways.

Sometimes, I don’t even know what questions I have, and that’s the honest truth. I’m too confused to even form a proper question.

But still, I’m a seeker by nature, and feel that I’m close to finding some things that are going to rip my silly head wide open.

And I’m ready for it.

[Kish]

I think you’re only gonna find things to rip your mind if you start delving into theoretical physics.

[Hypnos]

I’m still here. Almost.

There’s a lot going on, but not much I can speak about freely. Some of it involves unnecessary legal trouble threatened by a random weirdo a thousand miles away who could’ve gotten far better results from me by just asking politely. What kind of petty cretin resorts to legal threats when they’re unnecessary?

I’m tired of loudmouths, bigots and drama queens. There’s so much more to life than this.

I met with a mountain mage about a week ago. We exchanged amulets. That’s not a euphemism. We actually exchanged amulets.

I continue to feed animals that others would just as soon shoot. Including myself.

I hesitate to do destructive magick to those who are currently trying to harm me, but the barrier between “darkness” and “light” continue to erode daily, as people continue to push my patience. Mainly, I just want to be left alone. I’d rather do an “invisibility” spell to avoid people looking at me than doing something truly maleficent, but somebody is almost inviting me to destroy them.

I’m not some kind of “edgelord.” I’m just tired of the nonsense. I just want to live in peace with those I love, and will go to crazy measures to ensure that I do.

[S.Boheme]

@Hypnos , Hey - glad you’re still here! Just wanted to say ‘Hi’…Also, I love your writing/musings - your journal has become one of my favourite things!

[Hypnos]

I’m so sober it hurts. Thought I’d give my liver a little break. So far, so good, except that alcohol actually helps with the chronic insomnia.

I still have my usual preoccupations with ritual, symbolism, etc. Every day, I see weird new details, especially in buildings. Somebody just had to put that cross, star or gargoyle there. I saw pinecones as a decorative feature on an old building. Someone took the time to bless us all with gigantic concrete pinecones, but why?

Did a weird mix of rituals recently. Again, I’m asking myself “why?” This is especially true in religious or lodge rituals. Why am I making this gesture? Why am I facing this direction, using this wording, wearing this color? Why stand at one moment, but sit or kneel in another? To examine small details can enhance understanding of the rite.

I continue to have weird dreams. I have a lot of recurring dreams, some with magickal themes. I don’t have all that many sexual dreams, but when I do, I sometimes post them here, because there’s something otherworldly about them. The beings showing up seem to be entities. Through sexual encounters, they’re giving me some kind of information, or at least establishing a connection. I may post later about the most recent one, because it was so intense that it’s burned into my memory.

I was thinking about certain types of monasticism. Spending day after day in a cloistered setting, or practicing as a hermit, might sharpen certain skills. Long-term devotion to a path would seem to alterone’s psychic sensibilities. Then again, the mundane world is also full of knowledge.

It’s usually less mundane than most people think.

[Hypnos]

Ever wanted to perform some kind of devotional rite, but feel embarrassed about doing it in an organized religious setting? I have. I was at a church service, and lost myself in the music. I wanted to prostrate myself in worship, but that’s just not done here. Despite churches and temples purportedly being places for prayer, it’s only a certain style of prayer…calm, sane, sanitized.

Another time, I was at a outdoor Pagan ritual. I was suddenly overcome, and went freeform (after the Sabbat ended). People started copying my movements, thinking that what I was doing must be part of another group ritual. It wasn’t. I stopped immediately. I was just having a private moment.

I can’t kneel in prayer on a busy street corner, set up elaborate rituals in my front yard, or speak in tongues while standing in the bank lobby. Well, I can, but I’d get hauled away to a nice, happy place with rubber walls.

On another note, I feel that entities are visiting me in my dreams. Some may be giving me warnings. One seems to be a protector.

In the dream, the protector told me his first name. We were both wearing military uniforms, but he vastly outranked me. I was newly enlisted, with no idea what I was doing. He didn’t talk to me, but we lay down together on a bed, side by side. You can guess what happened from there. It was rough, the kind of sex you wear on your skin for a week - bruises, scratches and all. And I liked it. Wouldn’t mind having seconds.

He put something into my body. Something besides the obvious.

I have no instinctual fears about this entity, although he’s mostly silent. He’s very protective, despite everything else he has going on, which is a lot. Still, I feel that I’ve been fitted with a tracking device of some sort. He knows how to find me again. Then again, they all do, the dream people.

[Hypnos]

I’m here.

I’ve been going to church more, and trying to learn. For those who discount that, don’t discount it too quickly. Or do, for all I care. There are things to be learnt everywhere.

I’m still intrigued by the weirder side of everything. Not all of Jesus’ fans are exactly normal. The same would hold true for the devotees of any given entity. There are sub-currents within every path, process and ritual.

The Jesus Freaks were interesting back in the day, although some took different paths later on, either becoming authoritarian Evangelicals, hooking up with the occult (obviously, I don’t disapprove), or going into atheism or agnosticism (again, whatever works). Some became Orthodox Christians. Back in the day, tie-dye Jesus was pretty cool. Then again, so were a lot of other approaches and entities that were circulating at the time.

I have my feet on a dozen different paths, which is difficult, since I’m only equipped with two feet. I’m almost as skeptical as I am religious, and then there’s the whole world of the occult to explore. Some days, it’s almost too much. Too many options to select just one. Too many spirits, an embarrassment of spiritual riches, a banquet of delights that would probably kill me if I indulged in all of it. But I still try to take it all in, and savor it while I can.

[Hypnos]

I’m thinking about spirituality, of course, because I always am. I’m trying to piece together commonalities between two currents I enjoy, regardless of whether practiced within the occult, Christianity or other systems.

High ritual appeals to me, but so does the charismatic experience. Both styles can be found in most organized religions, as well as in occult and eclectic practices…ecstasy and ritual.

The idea of being completely overtaken, a sense of losing one’s self and riding the high voltage current of “getting the spirit” (the Holy Spirit of Trinitarian Christianity, or the spirit of your choice, including the Goetic beings so often referenced here) fascinates me. This could also be tapping into one’s own inner psychology, rather than communing with a literal spirit.

But there’s nothing like watching (or better still, participating in) a really good ritual - high ritual, carefully crafted. Of course, like most people who get involved in such things, I’ve seen rituals turn into flaming train wrecks. But when it goes right, it’s right.

Have I participated in rituals that I don’t completely believe in? Sure. Because I see it as practice. It takes discipline to properly perform any ritual, and that practice and experience can be applied to practically anything. It’s not just about getting the steps, gestures and words right; it’s about generating the energy.

[Hypnos]

Guess who gave up alcohol for Lent?

Yeah, this idiot.

It’s not so much that I put any stock in the self-denial rituals of Lent, or that Lent is 100% relevant to…well, anything. But sometimes, self-discipline can be an important component of spiritual development, whether in magick, Christianity or anything else, including solitary practice.

So, I haven’t had alcohol since Mardi Gras (but had crazy amounts of it on that particular day).

I usually never give up anything for Lent. I’ve often viewed it as a ridiculous concept, but at the moment, I’m using it as a framework for (temporarily) giving up something that isn’t good for me. The big test was going to my favorite bar - and having soft drinks while everybody else was hitting the whiskey.

Self-improvement can be its own form of magick.

[Kish]

You might want to make a plan and commit to it so you Do t overdo it celebrating the end of lent like when lent ends I will not have more then X drinks to celebrate it. Deprevation can make people overdo afterwords like the kids that give up chocolate then pig out til they’re sick afterwards when lents over.

Would hate to see a good thing go down the toilet too quick once the season ends.

Anyways… adding… Congrats on keeping to it so far

[Hypnos]

I agree. I don’t plan to go nuts the moment Lent ends. I learned that the hard way in my youth, when I decided to undergo a spiritual fast. Made it, but then ended the fast with various foods I’d been craving. I ate a pile of total junk food washed down with cola. I felt like crap afterward, enough to resolve to avoid repeating the experience. Deprivation doesn’t necessarily need to be followed by decadence. Moderation can sound boring, but it has its moments. Also, I don’t want to get plastered drunk on Easter Sunday. It might send the wrong message: “Alleluia, Christ is risen! Pass the goddamn rum!”

[Kish]

Pass the rum lol I needed that laugh after what I read in tmw a few mins ago imagine neighbors shooting off bazookas at night. Glad my neighborhood is a bit more tame then that all we have experienced in all the years we’ve lived here is a suicide a attempted homicide and a rash of car fires attempted car fires by teenybopper psychos. Quite the thing seeing that at the time I thought someone had done set off a car Bomb.

[Hypnos]

I’ve left my former shack for one over a thousand miles away.

There have been some spiritual episodes during the course of this journey that some folks might classify as a string of coincidences, but I think the spirits have been guiding me (if not gently hammering me over the head to get my attention).

I want to try to “fine tune” my psychic senses - not necessarily for predicting the Apocalypse or something similarly dramatic, but just to get a better sense of when guidance (or warnings) might be coming my way.

Had a weird experience today. Got a strong sense that I needed to get out of a situation. Something wasn’t right about a certain person. I sensed it immediately. So I got out. Some may think I was being silly, but somebody accompanying me had the same feeling. When someone radiates seriously bad energy, I used to be polite and stick around. Not any more. This time, I trusted my instincts and got away.

To whom do I owe my time and energy? Not creeps and psychic vampires.

An old friend is advising me to stop worrying about the opinions of others. I don’t want to turn into a ill-mannered monster, of course, but I also don’t want to be a plaything for the amusement of people who are merely playing me for a fool.

[Hypnos]

Well, well, and bless my soul. I’m still around. Just not around here as much as previously.

I moved, as I’ve already noted. Different culture, different things to do and see, and different challenges, both physical and spiritual. Sometimes, I’m dealing with the not-so-fun side of aging. But there’s a fun side to getting older, too. A certain “I’m not longer obligated to give a rat’s ass” attitude kicks in, and that’s why your grandparents wear embarrassing clothes and don’t even care.

During the move, I had a crazy amount of psychic “signals.” Things fell together in the strangest ways. Someone who helped me along the way had the rather rare name of a certain deity to whom I had appealed. Everything fell together so marvelously that I feel guilty for not feeling that this move is permanent, and that I’m living in paradise at last.

There’s a strong sense of impermanence. This ain’t it. I’m going to move again, unless I drop dead here.

For me, it’s never it.

I’m not a settled person, in any sense. I keep moving. I’m always on my way to the next thing. But someday, I’ve got to stop chasing it - whatever “it” may be - and make do with what I’ve got, where I’ve got it. But I’m not wired that way.

I’m obsessed with rituals, which I’ve made clear. But I’m also fascinated with the idea of “signals.” A spirit, person or animal can give me a signal. If I’m adept enough to read it, I can respond. It’s energy, knowledge, communication. Or, to liken it to radio reception and broadcasting, I’m in the middle of nowhere, but I’ve got the equipment (magick, intuition, whatever). So I send out a radio signal, in the form of a thought or ritual that sends a bell ringing out into the darkness beyond me. I don’t know who will hear me, but I just keep sending it out.

Or perhaps I’ve just hit the whiskey too hard.

[Hypnos]

I think I’ve been taught an expensive lesson.

I moved a rather long distance recently. Being a bit embarrassed to be from an area often considered to be full of ignorant, inbred people, I was happy to move away. Ah, civilization! It’ll make a new person out of me.

Well, I moved, but the basic underpinnings of who I am, and what makes me tick, moved along with me. “Wherever you go, there you are.”

I realized that my previous culture has become, in fact, a part of me.

My move was made easy, almost too easy. Everything fell together. I worked with Hermes for this. So, here’s what I think happened:

The move was easy for me, so I could learn a lesson. Yes, fool, you can escape your culture…or so you think. But now it’s time to embrace it instead of running from it. Work with it. Revel in it. Sometimes, going with what you know isn’t always a bad idea.

So screw it, I’m going back - a move that’s also being made surprisingly easy, aside from the packing. At this point, I’d rather gargle formaldehyde than pack one more time.

This time, I’m headed to an area where I lived for a few years during my youth. I was basically dragged there. I hated it so much as a kid, but didn’t realize how much it was going to help shape me into what I am now. The landscape itself taught me lessons that I find hard to describe. The woods and mountains are still there, waiting to teach me lessons. And Hermes laughs like the great golden god that he is at my foolishness, while still (thankfully) being willing to work with me.

I’m grateful for everything. And I’m grateful to my various spiritual guides, gods and guardians for not giving up on me.