Hello everyone. No introduction needed for I am at the end of my rope. September 15th 2022 I started to date who I strongly believe is my person. We spent an entire year together. Just her and I against the world. I had experienced so much, felt so many new things, felt things I hadn’t in a very long time. And I fucked up. I started to be distant. Irritable. Comfortable in the place I was. She’d ask for us to go on a date. I’d say we would. We didn’t. She’d ask for flowers. I didn’t fucking bring them to her until after she broke up with me. She decided to split with me because she wanted to find her own person. She said she still loved me, and that she still wanted for us to be best friends. I didn’t like the idea of me being friends with her because I knew it’d end bad. Maybe it did because I didn’t follow through like I should’ve. I started talking to another girl. My person told me it hurt her, but she respected it. Why was she hurt? She’s the one that broke up with me. I understand now she was hurt because she meant it when she told me she loved me. And even after she was still willing to try and be friends. I finally got her the flowers and I gave them to her. She liked them but her mother made her return them. We never talked after that night. She has someone new. I know now my wrongs. I thought she split with me because of my lack of communication. But I was absent. I took it for granted. What I would give, to have her back. Which is why I’m here. I’ve tried studying under others teaching. I’ve tried moving on. I’ve tried talking to other people. I’ve tried divine surrender, this and that, trying something a friend told me, I’ve tried making pacts with demons, and angels, I’ve tried astral projecting to try and make a connection in the astral plain or to try and put my consciousness in the past. All these things. And I still feel so empty. I feel cold. Weak. I have brain fog. My anxiety sparks every time I see her. Which is why I am here. I am at the end of my rope. I intend on ending my life soon. I’ve thought about everything already. Went through the motions, all the hypotheticals. But it doesn’t stop this pain. It feels like it wasn’t supposed to end. But it did. And now it’s like I’m a man stuck in a different time. I am. I got my genuine happiness ripped from me because I couldn’t just be there for her in the way she needed me to. I’m paying the price. Before I do end it, I’m willing to try some more rituals or deities or techniques just for the fun of it, so please, share your strongest or darkest or lightest piece of knowledge with me. I’d like to put it to the test, why? Maybe I’ll live the life I wanted. Maybe, just maybe.
Welcome @3500 It is a rule of this forum for all new members to properly introduce themselves so &&PLEASE CLICK ON THE IMAGE BELOW** and tell us about yourself and any experience you may have in magick, such as what you practice, how long you have practiced, areas of interest, etc:
But objectively it looks as if it was, because:
Sounds like you have been through some time of introspection. Have you found something about yourself? Why you haven’t been able to communicate on a level she could perceive? Why you’ve been absent in this relationship? Have you been able to overcome these problems or are they a part of you in a way that would make you fall back into these patterns as soon as you would be back together?
Out of experience with the terminally emotional absent people in my life: she broke up with you to protect herself from the way you made her feel. Easy as that.
Sometimes people have different needs that are not compatible in the long run. Maybe your lack of communication towards her would fit better with someone who is able to understand your silence or who can handle your emotional seclusion without feeling anxious or hurt or confused about it.
I see two options here: overcoming these aspects of yourself (introspection, meditation, character building magick, shit hurts like a motherfucker) or magickally attracting someone who fits better into your overall communication and affection style.
(a hidden third option is neither, as a time of solitude can be surprisingly beneficial once you realize that no other person can interpret or carry your lifes purpose for you)
Zoom out.
Everything in this world is a vie for power.
Permit yourself to dream beyond her. What do you want? Do it. Do what you want.
Do what you want!
DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!
There’s a whole world out therr for the taking and you’ll just reincarnate with the same problems with different symbols pointing to the same issue. Handle it now and relish the victory!
You stake your entire happiness on the affections of one person? Really?
C’mon man, you’re more than that.
In your heart of hearts she’s the girl in your dreams, not the girl of them. Lose the illusion.
Look up world champions and contemplate the moment they all had of “why not me?” When they went all in. I guarantee you’ll find qualities you’d have missed with" just her." You’ll also poise yourself to be in the best position possible to “win her” if you go all in on yourself too.
I dare you. See what happens if you fly higher than Icarus. You’ll never know otherwise
When you are lucky enough to get into a good relationship with the right person, don’t screw it up in the first place. My exes all learned that the hard way.
You’ve had a learning experience - communicate, be good to your partner, don’t be irritable and distant. Now you know better. Apply that lesson when the next person comes along.
I did a spell to break my first ex’s hold over me before ending it with him for good. The pain finally went away a few months later (he tried to get me back after that and I told him HELL NO).
Please do NOT. Give yourself a benefit of doubt that you will weather this storm.
It seems like the world is ending and you cannot bear the pain. Things will change. Things always change. Because you will change. That’s the point of life. And that’s why we use magick (among other things).
Do talk with a professional: spiritual and/or psychological. They will help you ground your pain and fears. Also, vent to your friends and here on this forum. That will help you release whatever you can from your system.
First, start with protecting yourself. Magickal Protection by Damon Brand and Angelic Protection Magick by Ben Woodcroft are an excellent start. Then Angels of Alchemy by Damon Brand to transform yourself.
Awww sweetheart… I’ve been in a similar situation before and I understand the feelings you’ve had about that stuff. Don’t worry about that. Things we get better soon.