Angelic Demon, My Journal of Mysteries

I will begin with an introduction.

I am a single, white, female. over 40. No kids/family. I am a friendly but guarded person. People say they love my smile most. They tell me I have a way of making them feel safe and they tell me things they have never been able to tell another soul. I’m a genuine person who helps others without demands.

I am told by entities that I am too friendly at times yet also told it’s rather what makes them like me. Some say to me “You’re so innocent.” I am honest to a fault and given my memory damages I couldn’t lie if my life depended on it if I wanted to.

You’ll be lucky if I can manage to learn your name so wondering if I can hold up a fake sense of self for anyone can be put to rest. I take my time getting to know people, but here? I am diving in giving trust more likely than not too easily. I am given to taking risks at this point because the potential for gain is higher than for loss. Frankly I seem driven in a way I don’t understand anyway.

I am not a traditional sort. I became aware of being “different” around the age of 18-25. then things calmed down so much so that at times it seemed like the things from before were a dream and I was “normal”.

I struggled after loosing my Grandfather and a year ago I became very suicidal and for once responded to one of my only “unusual” friends I had left. Somehow they managed to bring me back from a place I don’t think I would’ve. We began talking about things from the past and things picked up with me again as contact with him became more frequent.

Eventually this led somehow to the conversation of the Ouija board and he say to me “You know you can make your own right?” From there the rest is history.

What was with me instilled this hatred and distrust of books back when. That all those I somehow would come across most often were all missing things that made them more dangerous than useful. I did spells only at the guidance of this being, I Just Did Things, I Just Knew Things, I Just Felt Things. I didn’t know how I knew I just did and weirdly totally random people would seek me out to help them.

I didn’t dress unusually, I didn’t advertise nor speak of these things and yet somehow these people just knew. Some would say I don’t want to know how you help me just please help. About that time the internet had been around for maybe 4 years? The age we know now was still budding…

I had never learned a thing about demonology or the craft and I wasn’t raised with religion. This stuff, actually understanding any of it is Brand New.

Up to this point my experience has been only in speaking with beings I can sense in other humans or feeling what I should do from the main one I was aware of.

I still can’t tell you how I landed on this web site, I Just Did and I couldn’t remember how then nor now.

Most of my life I have attempted to speak of things only with a very few because I watch people I know how they can be. Make them mad and they will take anything they can and turn it on you. I wasn’t going to wind up like that so I made friends etc. but never did I trust anyone “just human” That Much. Now my fear is outweighed by the Need to Understand and Know and Defend myself.

The things the beings tell me I can do when I apparently dream walk. The things they tell me I do over and with the board, and the things I have felt/experienced and how they have escalated drive my motion forward.

I use a term in relation to myself and others “Friendly Possession” where an entity has at some point in life attached to you and can come forward or take over. Even when friendly becoming aware can just about destroy you, the fear, the uncertainty, the nature of what is occurring… It can be overwhelming to say the least.

I once believed again thanks to this One beings effects that Demons never share that it was impossible to have more than one with any individual. Why they did this I don’t know. But now I know of those it hid the presence of. I know a person can have more than one.

Don’t think however this stops me from questioning if everything is real or if I am insane.

At the age of 25 I think I was in a wreck thanks to a drunk driver. It has been a 17 year battle since. Before it I saw a lot of beings all the time. Since I can’t remember dreams usually. My memory sucks. I have tried a few times to learn intentional astral but it never works. I no longer share dreams or pull others into them. Things I had done before the head injury.

I have had some close companion entities try to heal me but they’ve hit a wall thus far and when people who see auras speak they say I have a hole in mine where my head is damaged. My health is shit and my energy nil. I have tried so many things that all ultimately fail.

I have taken note here that some demons are known for healing. how I got there I have no idea either. It is difficult for me to consider asking them for aid because what do I even have to give in turn? I am not the type to use anyone and defining what constitutes Using an entity over it being okay to just ask is something I need to learn about.

I don’t even ask people for help more than not because they always want something and as an attractive woman that is usually an attempt to get into my bed nothing is offered genuinely but rather to serve their own nefarious desires. It’s an issue I don’t need in my life for any reason.

I don’t merely want to learn I Have to now it seems. If I don’t gain more practical knowledge and the ability to do things with intent others will continue to suffer.

The first few entries here will be about how I wound up here, What is happening and How it effects me. Likely a summery of life prior to now as regards the unusual.


…have you checked out the scan thread? Also, maybe go to a reputable person because I’ve never encountered such a thing as a hole in the aura because of injury.

Spirits don’t need your soul or anything. A ‘thank you’ or some incense would suffice most likely. Spirits like to do the things they like to do. So go ahead and give one permission to do what it likes to do to help you. (Buer, Marbas, Raphael, etc.).

Is this really true or is this something you just assume? I’ve met men who want sex from me, but I’ve also met people (including men) who don’t. Even when I ask for their help.


I’ve personally also never heard of a hole, but there was a time my aura was cracked quite a bit, it might as well have been a gap.


Scan thread? no but I will be hunting it out now… Thank you so much for your direction, help and ideas. They’re invaluable to me. I am thrilled.

Auras: I have no idea how to find people like that. Do you find them by looking up energy healers? The couple of times I was told that were in crossing paths with a random person that decided to engage me. I got short with the last one because I could feel she was holding back from me and it frustrated me to be approached but then to withdraw and still leave me with nothing but a giant question mark… like don’t just bait me and walk away kinda concept that’s just plain mean to do to someone.

What do you offer when you can’t handle scented things? I am very chemically sensitive and much of those things will make me sick.

As to attraction: Yeah so far unless they’re entirely gay it has been and it’s usually very frustrating. They either ask me on a date immediately or start dropping inappropriate hints before finally trying something more obvious.

I wonder sometimes if it has something to do with what is with me. Maybe it is simply that my openness and friendliness is more attractive than I realize or the fact that people feel like they can be themselves for once makes them want more?

I have had an issue with both sexes usually females have been the opposite normally they instinctually seem to regard me as a threat. I wish I understood it.

I seek friendships, those like me usually don’t apparently, but I actively seek out entities not to challenge but to form bonds with and to learn from and to get to be what I am without secrets which is something I desire most not to hide parts of myself while accepting others entirely. No longer hiding parts of me to make others less afraid as well. Here I am finding a new openness is possible and I have high hopes with it.

Now entities do not at all treat me as a potential mate in this way. they’re not whatever it is that humans are. Not all seek a sexual relationship with me nor are they driven by that interest at all or alone. It’s rather nice actually. But they have different desires than humans tend to.

The highest compliment I ever received was from a man who had Never been attracted to a women in his life before. Sometimes when I was in a dark place that was a light of its own that I meant something without trying to those around me.

He had sat with me outside a club I once frequented to make sure I got safely into a ride home. A total stranger who had watched me over the course of some months. He sat and told me about things he said he couldn’t tell anyone else that night while I waited for the taxi. It was a defining moment in my life and I felt honored by his truth… Maybe this was tmi but you made me remember it out of no-where and it is truly one of my fondest memories.

I am going to check out this thread and see what it is and what I can learn there :smiley:

You can offer food or drinks. Also devotion, prayers. You can offer public appreciation to some spirits, poems and other non-material things as well.
I really don’t know what to tell you about your thoughts that everyone is either afraid of you or wants to fuck you (except one human). No advice there other than to take another look because it’s unlikely.
The scan thread:


Are you adverse to angels? I have a mantra for healing the subtle bodies that could help with the aura:


Not in the least. I enjoy contact with All beings. I know Angels come round though they rarely make contact with me of their own accord. I know I have spoken to one once. It was a pleasant encounter for both of us.

I will try this. I assume I pronounce phonetically?

Thank You :smiley:

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It has been people I encounter directly in person. It’s just how they have acted. They leave no guessing to be had on the topic and that is why I relate the experience. I feel like it is coming across in a different manner. When they tell you their thoughts and feelings there is no misreading it and it is a constant pattern.

I am much more guarded due to it in person. For some they’re missing normal companionship one should expect and I think trying to latch onto me because they’re suddenly getting attention they miss? I don’t think it is the same for every person that I have experienced this with driving their reactions.

Its not hard to catch when another seeks to intimidate either and Fear that is unmistakable too. Again I think for each something different drives their reactions. But they’re not a mistaken thing for me as weird as it sounds perhaps. I gain a lot of attention I Don’t welcome.

On the same count there are those who say they have a feeling to protect and to help me that they don’t understand as well. A lot of people have placed themselves between me and one who taught to bring me harm who I never understood why they sought to harm me to begin with.

Thank you for the link! I have posted to the thread and hope to see what may come of it. For now I need to sleep every day is a long day for me.

Yes. Just pronounce it as written. I hope it helps :slight_smile:

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Questions I wonder about with others?

How many have sexual encounters? Were you flooded with beings that asked? and some who didn’t? Are you dreaming them or do they come when you’re awake?

In the beginning for me sex was used only as a means to attain something specific. Then I had some come and ask if I would engage them that way because they wanted to with me or had never had a human or a willing human… There were three at once one time. a combination of virgin and previously only beings that had hurt a human with it…

I am told that somehow sex with me is different than with most as well.

Do others Link with beings?
As they explain to me they leave a mark or symbol that other beings can see that will last a good year. It is a very painful process usually for me. I am told it is for them too. Some can’t establish a link with me as we are not compatible somehow. They indicate that a link allows them to feel me and me to have a sense of them. I have had it also spoken that a link can be what allows some to come and go with a particular human without harming/hurting them or taxing them. With those more advanced than I they say it lets the human access their memories and emotions too.

They say I am actually A Light Being. Some I have joined with as a mate I am told and they say that link is further different and it can be very painful to Them because of what I am compared to what they are.

Some have used sex to make a link easier but it is also sometimes different that way when there is no lust about it but simply a necessity.

I had one say I am the type of being that would use sexual power to unlock things. The kind of witch that requires a male and sex to reach the true sense of my own potential. They led me to books I have to see if I can find. Not a practice book but apparently something to learn from in concepts. Told me not all learning has to be serious as the books were written in a fictional genre but that this one knew that writer and that the books speak of her life.

Do you experience some that come and manage to use your body in part who then just touch your face and go? Seeming to lend affection and vanish? Is this like being a medium or something? what kind of people do things come and go through?

Do you ever get some that are more physically aggressive at first hurting you? by that I mean they come and are too rough with how they first make your body move. Perhaps because usually they’re not kind beings but then they decide they like you and are gentle.

Do others have ones that will move their heads yes and no to answer questions with you when they don’t want to use a board?

Do others have beings communicate by grabbing as I call it? where they use a sense almost between lust and the drop you felt as a kid on a swing? Or cause pain perhaps or create a dense feeling about you to announce their presence? in many ways I am learning how to feel for things around me by them doing these things.

Sometimes I can tell a female from a male in the way they touch.

NOTHing I engage with has been human. I have never seen a ghost or spoken to the dead.

Next time I will share more about the things that led me where I am… These questions just came up for me and I seek to understand how they fit and why.

I need to start taking the time to be here again. so much has happened. I’m so much different in some ways than the last time I was here as I grow and learn…