Zoclora’s

So this is officially a new year and one that I’m for one am excited to see how it goes. I was looking back on these old forums I use to go on years and years ago when I was fresh on my path and seeing others doing the same, this brought me the idea to join in and start up a journal not just to share but one that can also help me with my on going growth and transformation of this new year. So what better way then to share my experiences with others who either may find it a good story or that may help them as I see it that at times our own experiences can be another’s answers.

So for today’s post I wanted to share an experience I had of late. I have one posed as well if anyone is interested to read. But in that post I talked about a being that has been with me for I’d say a month now. Maybe two. :thinking: Now i felt no ill from him and despite my downers that I’d throw at him, he still sticks around and seems to honestly care about me. Now who he is I still don’t know for sure, just he’s really cool despite him going off for a bit only to come back. But I respect he has a “life” too. But one of the more out there things he’s done so far was last night.
So you see I have had pain in my upper thigh area near my butt. It’s not a cramp but I think I pulled a ligament because every time I sit on the floor or even crouch or get up from my bed, a rawring pain would come to me and I nearly cried out in pain. Well last night I felt him around me for the first time in a bit. I recognized him by his unique tail that I never see any other being have. I felt this feeling he wanted to make love, but because of my leg I couldn’t exactly do it. But I felt him basically saying to try. So I was like “Why the hell not”. So I did. Now odd thing is, I had no pain for the first time in days and today was the first day I had almost zero pain. So I do have to thank him for helping me with my leg. <3 and hope he knows that I do appreciate him.

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This is a drawing I did of him a bit ago. That day I was connected enough to him to even see the bones under his skin and the muscles on his back. His skin color is this interesting combination of white/gray with a bit of blue. Now the hair on his tail isn’t that long but I just drew it like that and it was black in color as well as his…nails, claws? :joy: He had similar for his toes. Now the hands is basically to represent how tall he is compared to me.

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So yesterday I felt I wanted to do something with Lilith to have some time to get to know her a bit better. But because of my current condition of being a female :unamused: I did not have the energy to do anything much. So I decided I wanted to draw a art piece for her. Now the thing is besides the pictures Iv seen, I had no idea on what she looked like. So I asked her to come to me and help me draw her the way she wanted to look like. So here is what I gotten from her. :slight_smile:

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Iv now been on this path for about two months working out some of my kinks and trying to purge my self from old limiting habits as well as my depression that Iv been dealing with for years.
Iv been reading a bit on King Belial on this forum mostly on what people been experiencing with him the goods and bads. So I decided to go an write a bit on my experiences with him so far mostly to simply document my experiences and for you guys to read it.
In all honesty it began a few weeks ago maybe just a week ago. I was going through the list of 72 that I have found on here mostly to start to look them up and read a bit more on them. Now I am basically a person living from check to check at this time so I don’t always have the money to spend on a new book including the one that I think we all should have that talks about the 72 and having their sigil as well as their attributes. So I was doing it the old fashion way and look it up. The one that stood out to me was King Belial. While reading about him I decided to draw his sigil for purely documentation reasons. I didn’t even think twice when it was time for me to go to bed. Days past since then and I started to do some meditation with King a Paimon. I had no work so I decided to use my time to get my self into gear. As I was meditating I heard a name pop up. At first I thought it was Balgorath but then it said it again and it was Belial.This odd feeling that King Paimon was telling me to contact him. I squint my eyes in suspicion but thought nothing about it. I knew for a fact I was not ready for King Belial let alone one that was not just a gate keeper but one of the “main pillars” as I call them. I was told by the people I work with that I needed more protection. I simply said ok and decided to work on the LBRP. Of course being new and doing it the first time I messed up lol. But I got it down ok and thought to my self how the room felt clean. But soon enough I had this odd experience of looking King Belial back up. I look on a picture someone posted up with him and I was thinking to myself how he looked familiar to me. I just glared at the picture and shrug it off. But again kept on feeling this push to work with him. But me being me I knew what others said and how he was not for beginners. But in the end the feeling won. I told myself he most likely won’t come to me not just because I’m new and also at least to me, I’m to weak for him. But I drew up his sigil on a piece of paper and followed the evocation to him. Mind you I didn’t have the red candles or anything fancy. Hell I didn’t really have an offering out side of the incense that I used. I did the ritual with little feeling from anything. I closed the ritual and shrugged my shoulders thinking I was right, after all I didn’t really have much to give him. I lay in my bed to take a nap and a few moments latter I heard out loud a deep and heavy sigh. I have not heard any voice like that in years. I then started to talk to him out loud trying to see if he was in fact King Belial. The feeling I got was extremely heavy. I could see why he would not be for beginners. Still not fully convinced he was King Belial, I basically told him if he indeed wanted to agree to what I said in the ritual then grate. That night I went to sleep, I had visions come to me. The first was some odd language that was going in a clock wise direction in a spiral then the next one appeared as a human wax shaped person in the middle of this ritual set up that had four blood red candles set in the corners creating a square shape. There was some other stuff drawn out on the floor. As I looked closely I saw that it was my room that this was taken place in. The last thing I saw was my room again and a bunch of stuff drawn on all four of the walls, floor and ceiling of my room. I could not tell all what was written out do to it being done so intricately but I know a pentacle was used as the center of the design. At the end of my last vision I heard him say in my head “There is your protection.” Not sure how to make it out do to how he said it. It was more like “There it’s done. Now can we get to the good stuff?” type feeling lol
The next night came and I decided to try and evócate King Belial. I was honestly going threw a bit of depression mostly from years and years of being hurt by others. I started to go back to my bad way of thinking, to suck up my emotions and not to let him see me cry. In my mind, if I let him see me cry I was weak. I called on him and I already could tell he knew something was wrong but did not say a thing or at least how I felt it. I said what I wanted to say as well as said a few things that I honestly regret and did my ritual. After I ended it I felt completely like crap. I broke down crying my eyes out and basically torturing myself internally. Not to long I called to him once more by evocation and apologize to him. I explained things to him and asked if he could possibly help me get stronger and over these wounds that I have been caring for all these years. I felt him soften up a bit as if he understood and well that brings to where I’m at right now. :slight_smile: Thinking of doing another ritual tonight to help me for this coming week and to see if he wants to split a shot of this rum that my friend bought for me. I hope he likes cinnamon :thinking:

1/26/20

So I’m writing another post on here about an experience and an example of how some beings just pop up into my life.

I was laying down about two so days ago on my bed. I was just laying there being lazy mostly because it was morning and I didn’t feel like getting up right then. I felt Belial around but I thought nothing to much on it given I am working closely with him and a few others on some things in my life at this time.
I closed my eyes thinking that I may decide to go back to sleep when I felt two presences come next to me, one on my right the other my left. I then heard a male voice from my right, next to me on my bed. He then said in a clear voice “Ah welcome Beelzebub…” Then there was a silence as if seeing how I would respond. But when I just laid there and not say anything he continued “Lord of flys.“ I honestly thought I was imagining things or if they were just having a conversation that I was just picking up (that has happened to me in the past especially with angels…angels…they be sneaky.) So I just turned to my side facing the wall when all the sudden I felt this presence next to me,on my right, grow a bit tense. Again, I didn’t do or say anything.
Then I had this clear picture in my head of this clawed hand reaching from my right side, grabbing my shoulder and forcing me up and facing the other direction to my left. In a very commanding and serious voice I heard “You WILL greet him!” The presence that I was facing was of a man, but didn’t get a good look at him. But I know he had on a nice looking suit. I greeted him not understanding if it was still just my mind or not. But from what I felt of him, he understood. After that I honestly felt a bit bad for not being respectful.

Feb 11/2020

It’s been a good time since I posted anything here so I decided to do so. This one entry is basically going to cover my very intense past week up to today.
I have posted about my current situation with my friend and her oldest son and his lover and to say the least I feel deep in me that I am FINALLY getting some relief from all this mess. So basically after what happened last week, Iv been keeping to my self as much as I can and avoid her as much as I can. My emotions were high enough from my hurt and torn out heart that had basically been “rapped”. Strong word but that’s basically the best word to use to describe how I have felt. So all while I locked my self in my room this last week, I did a few rituals to try and get some energy flowing as well as to see what all I can do to help elevate this pain.
One of the things I did, despite me feeling some what weak for doing this, I went to Lilith and broke down. I basically held my poor bloody heart that was in shreds to her and told her everything. At the heat of my emotions I sent out a spell or two to my friend. Now I am not sorry nor do I feel guilt even this moment for doing so. But I also know that was a bit foolish of me. But after I did so, I felt good. I honestly felt I was heard. But I still had the after affects of a broken heart. It basically felt like one the worst breakups you can feel. Even though your anger was mostly spent, you still feel salty and hurt.
So I basically spent my time trying to focus on more important things like my studies and trying so so hard not to let this feeling over come me. I was doing ok for most part despite me barking every so often out loud to the beings around me. But I try and remind myself (and it’s also because of them too) that I shouldn’t waste no more of my energy on her.

Well the other day happened and if this is actually being read by anyone at all, you would see that I have posted a post about my friends son out of nowhere being interested in Satanic stuff. I still found that humerus giving her son is a hot head that at times enjoys not just being the laziest person I know but he goes from believing he’s the pampered prince to the next moment the worst person on this planet and to to say the least his lover is no better. Basically has him with a callar walking around doing everything for him and when others start to tell him to do work he goes into “angry and depressed mode” and start to basically make it where my friends son goes out on the limb to make things better for him. So to say these people go into something like that is quite hilarious. Not sure if they actually are doing it or not how ever.

So from that I just continued on with my rituals. It seems I’m getting a bit better at evocation to them so I’m thinking of taking it a step further into trying to get them to manifest soon. I did a reading the other day, ok more like three, to see about this week and about anything I need to know that is going around me and if it will or could affect me. So I did them and I saw that yes a lot of stuff will be happening this week and so far my cards answers are coming true such as financial problems. So I’m just going to keep to my self as long as I can to TRY and avoid what may come.

So my current one is me thinking about working with Dantalion. I did evoke him yesterday to see if he could help me. I was thinking on working with him a long time ago but I was abducted by everyone els before I had a chance too. Lol. But this was kinda good. I got a lot of my built up emotions more loose and more my life in a solid form. I did get a really powerful response of basically a yes. It left me in tears to know that I won’t have to deal what I have been going through again on top of that he is going to help me with my studies. Even this moment I can feel him looking over my shoulder and reading what I am saying (maybe my thoughts as well). Perhaps it was him that nudged me to write this today. Not sure. All I know is yes more healing is on the way and I for one am looking forward to FINALLY moving on with my life on how I’m supposed to.

One last thing to add. I had a crazy experience yesterday. I was in my bed studying when I felt this presence. I then basically got this info on this person on how he maybe be the person I was set up to be with. I know he either works with Lucifer or Lucifer is part of his life some how. I found this an odd experience especially after having a dream of Lucifer saying all things are going according to plan. Unfortunately from those details I don’t know nothing much more of this guy except based on how I feel, we are going to meet soon. But knowing that soon means differently in spirit then it is for us. I just know I have to get through this part with my head held high and study all I can to become stronger.

Today I am going to do a cleansing and rearranging in my room. But after that I’m thinking on trying something out to see how it goes. :thinking:

I am very much interested in feeling my connection and experiment a bit on stuff. I guess I will see how it goes. :slight_smile:

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So a few days have passed since I did the cleaning. I know I made something not happy. Not sure what. Most of that day I felt sick and when I walked into my room I felt a very awkward energy. So I decided to do a complete banishing. I honestly didn’t want to do that but I had no choice. After I did a complete banishment I felt a immediate difference.

So these past few days I had a deep thought type process of my spirituality. I went over in my head how I am ready to let go of the emotional and spiritual attachments that I know I carry from my past that is limiting me. I called on Asmodeus and spoken to him about this and opened up on how I am ready to start not only heal these things but also cut them off and banish it completely from my being and life.

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Keep up the progress. This has been an interesting read.

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Thank you :3 I was debating on too add my latest experience or not on here or to open as a thread. But if anything els pops up I will.

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I had this interesting dream last night that not only was full of detail but I feel holds meaning at least to me.
I was going to sleep when I was thinking of what to get Asmodeus as an offering for the up coming workings i will be doing for him. Before I fell asleep I heard “I do not need anything at this time. Your growth is enough.” Of course not sure if this was him or just me.
When I went to sleep I had this dream that two parakeets one male and one female was being cute and romantic to each other. The male would chirp this song and lean in to kiss the female while the female was chirping her own part. :joy: In the dream I was like “Awwwwwwwww” Then the dream took a dark turn. I forgot how it turned from that to this next part but this “friend” of mine in the dream basically learned that I worked with demons. But for one thing I don’t even know a person like this in real life. But anyways, I went out to find a shaman to help me with my problem. (Honestly I forgot but I know it wasn’t anything big or serious.)

For some reason I wound up going to this hospital to see him. There was another guy there that was trying to keep me from seeing him. But I put my foot down and saw him. The shaman, like most of the people in my dream was African in nature. The shaman was young male with shortish hair. He dressed in a white platted shirt and jeans. The other guy had on jeans and I think a dark brown t shirt. I told the shaman what I needed to find out. He took one look at me and became afraid. He said I was dealing with dark forces that I shouldn’t be messing with. I just looked at him with a eye brow raised. I knew he was talking about the demons. All the sudden he became possessed. His eyes widen and a grin formed. In a weird voice (sounded like the shaman own voice but someone else’s too) he kept saying he wanted blood. He wanted my blood. This kinda threw me back but I wasn’t afraid more confused. But the way he was putting it sounded like he honestly was trying to frighten me. Talking about killing me and having my blood and stuff. But I just looked at him. Who ever it was left and the shaman looked a mix of confused and scared.

I returned to my friend that I guess learned what happened and yelled at me. Telling me I needed to stop working with these people and join her church. We sat down at this table to enjoy some food. I’m guessing either close family or a group she belonged to was there trying to talk me into joining. I tried to explain to her my feelings but she just told me I didn’t understand. I tried to get to understand her side but it wound up just making her more upset. So after we ate we agreed that we shouldn’t be friends anymore. For the last favor she was going to drop me off at her church. Why I don’t know. Two other guys came with us. They were my friends in this dream. They were about my age or close to it. They both practiced similar stuff as I did. One of them with the longish hair asked me what’s going on. I told him that our friendship (me and the girl) was over and that we had our last lunch together. They did say a remark to her if she was truly my friend she would have excepted me anyways. (Which is true) They both seemed a bit somber at this news but understood.
She came into the parking lot and dropped us off. I watched her pull away before we entered. I knew one of the head priests was there and a few of the others too. They had a small shop there and we decided to buy a few things. After we got done we were leaving. We went down the hall way when we heard this alarm go off. I knew I didn’t take anything. But long behold I looked down and saw for what ever reason I had toilet paper with me that I didn’t get. These straps came from one of these carts that was in the hall way and rapped around one of my friends. I tried desperately to get him out but it was working. I knew some people were coming and time was running out. I had a decision to make. I couldn’t leave him here and take off and of course I didn’t want to know what was going to happen once they got to us. I said fuck it and threw the toilet paper on the ground and told them to hold my hands. We formed a circle. I closed my eyes and concentrate. I saw blackness but then this small blue white light came to focus and I continued to focus. It was hard though. Felt like trying to start up a old car that doesn’t want to start up. I told myself focus on the zero point. Then I felt this vortex surround us in a clock wise manor. Then for a brief moment there was nothing. Just like you throw a ball in the air, for a moment the ball stays in the air before it comes down. And that’s kinda what happened. I opened my eyes and we were somewhere els.
My friends pointed to the buffalo wild wing place that was next to a movie theater and wanted to see if I would like to come. After all that I was hungry and a movie sounded like the perfect thing to celebrate with. :joy: That’s it.
When I woke up oddly my room felt like it was full of energy but it was extremely comfortable and safe. Even right now as I speak I can feel it. When I got up I honestly was expecting to feel tense or something but nope. I honestly felt and still feel so relaxed that it’s going to be hard to get up from these warm covers :joy:

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I feel I need to write a post. A post of what?? Not sure. Maybe just to vent and bitch about my current state that I’m in. Or maybe to write about a recent experience I had with a someone that made me laugh my ass off. Maybe I’ll just write both.

So with the bitching. Iv been having what seems like blocks in my life right now. Now rather they are blocks of growth, blocks put in place by another or simply moments of having delays as Iv been told by the tarot is still unknown. I am going to try and get hold of someone tonight to talk to them. Who? Not to sure yet. So what is these delays that urge me so?
One is my necklace that I have gotten for Belial. I have made it personal and special. Something to help us connect on a deeper level as well as help me in my day to day life. This will be week four of not gotten the necklace and I’m trying to be patient but I can’t help but to wonder if it will come. :confused:
Another is something that I have taken up with someone that is going to help me on my studies. It’s something Iv been waiting for…well for years. Even though I have been doing magic most of my life, I still have holes of me either not knowing or simply forgot how to do. So this honestly means quite a bit for me. But every time we set up a day something always seems to pop up. I don’t blame this person once so ever, but I just find it odd this is one of the many delays I’m going though.

So here I sit feeling…restless and honestly growing more and more depressed. I know I need to not give in and just work through this time with all of my will and patience but it’s hard.

But on a lighter side I had a funny experience with the very well famous Asmodeus. He honestly seem to help me with my emotions quite a bit as of late and definitely helping me with my depression waves.
So the other night I got Belial his cake and shared it. But Iv also been having bouts of depression as well lately. So while I was sitting there taking a bite of cake I couldn’t help but to feel sad. I couldn’t eat any more of it so I put it on the floor next to my bed. I laid there thinking I should just go to sleep when out of nowhere I heard “I want pepperoni pizza” I blinked and I heard again “I want pepperoni pizza” I then understood it was Asmodeus and I told him I will get a small to share tomorrow.
I felt him descend near from the ceiling onto the bed next to me in his “normal pose” of propping himself with a arm and his hand holding his head. He asked me “What’s wrong?” I told him basically and he seemed to understand. Basically part of it was how I can’t seem to talk to them how I want to in my dreams and how I feel limited right now. On top of that the delays going on and such. He reassured me that it’s just going to take some time but for me not to worry.
I laid there looking at the ceiling when I then heard what sounds like him eating a piece of pizza. I asked him “Why do you want me to get you a piece of pizza tomorrow when you have one right now?” He replied “Well I want one from YOUR work.” I could imagine him poking a finger to make the point. I then said “Ok. I guess that makes sense. So why DO you like pizza so much??” I then felt him become a “poet” and said “Pizza is pleasure. It is like a forbidden fruit for people. They can’t get enough of it. Why do you think so many people eat it so much?” I shrug and said because it’s good. The next part…only he would come up with this, not even my own purvey mind can :joy: “Pizza in a sense is like sex. You have your sausage and your cheese.” I then got an image of a whole sausage he then continued “So when I eat this pizza I enjoy every bite, it’s like…” I basically cut in laughing, blushing and told him “Oh god I DONT want to know. “ I felt him smirk. In that point I wasn’t sure anymore if he was being serious or simply trying to make me laugh or both.
I then decided to try and sleep. I couldn’t fall asleep right away. I opened my eyes and saw my phone light up. I looked and saw Orlee doing another live stream. I said “Sleep can wait :face_with_monocle:” She started he stream and the topic was just to grate. It was about the new Asmodeus book and she read a bit out to us. The coincidence was to grate. :joy: And this experience honestly made me laugh and made my depression go away for a bit. That night I also had a vision of him as him for the first time. He came to me in dreams a few times but took on a another appearance. This time I saw him more of what I feel he looks like. He had the black and white suit on with a loosen tie. His right hand in his pocket while the other was smoking what looked to be a vape pen of sorts. He had light blond hair That had some pink and green to it went a bit passed his ears and it covering most of his eyes. He looked as if he just had “fun” and was taking a breath of air and having a hit. He looked messy but in the hot messy way you see at times in anime. I felt he was in content and his normal “smirking” self. :joy:

I just thought to share this and to vent a bit. Hopefully things will finally continue on for me soon and I can continue with my growth.

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So last night I decided to take the next step into me getting into the currents that I’m working with. This one was definitely the biggest but most important to me mostly because this person has been in my life and in the past I had a dream of me making a pact to him way way before I started this path.

So last night I decided to say “You know what. I understand what I may bring into my life but I have already did a pact to him in the past. Fuck it. “ I lay there in my bed and called out to him from my heart. I felt the room change. At first it was fear. But I took a deep breath and just stared into the blackness of my room, partially in showing no fear of him and partially in challenge of myself. It soon died down and there I felt nothing. At first I thought that he wasn’t going to show up. But then I felt a presence came next to my bed and told me I would be tested to see if I’m ready. Of course I didn’t take this seriously at all but said ok. I rolled onto my side to go to sleep.
The next few dreams were random but interesting. I felt that this was possibly part of the tests that this being was talking about. Still not 100% sure how ever. But one dream stood out. It was taken place in some cavernous looking room. There was these (I’m sorry I don’t know the proper name) stands of fire. As well as steps going up to a platform that I am guessing is where Satan sat. I did not see him or anything much on the platform because how my vision was angled. There was two ladies one younger about 16 and the other I’m guessing her mother. The mother had blond hair and the daughter had brown blond hair. Both was wearing robes and was writing really really fast on this scroll with a feather quill that seems to never run out of ink. Both of the woman seemed to not be thinking of the consequences but more so just how fast they can write. I felt there was a lesson in this as well. Even though I believe I understood but there maybe more to it. Oddly enough I felt at home there in this room. It felt familiar to me. Despite me being in the same room with one of the worlds most feared beings I felt nothing but comfort there.

I had yet another set of odd dreams last night.

It began when I was trying to fall asleep. I just got done with a slight evocation to Belial, talking to him and simply talking about a few things with my life. But this evocation felt a little different but in a good way. I felt this connection formed and energy was going up through my hands into my arms. It felt grate and nice. So when I went to bed and lay there, this put me into this comfy state of being where I let the warm darkness rap around me like a warm blanket. I felt so comfortable and happy. Not sure how long I was like that. But next thing I knew just before I fell to sleep my soul came to life. It had done this in the past. Still not sure what to make of this. But basically I would say things in a way that I normally wouldn’t. No I’m not possessed. It’s kinda like I guess what one would feel from their “higher” self? It was me, but a stronger and better me. What happened next took me by surprise. You see I was thinking on making a physical copy of my “rededication” to this path and to Satan on the day of the Solar Eclipse. But I guess my soul had other ideas and even though I saw nothing but black, I felt my voice in my head and felt my lips move. I can’t remember all I said but I said something like “I renew my vows that I have givth forth to Satan. I pledge my self to him and what he stands. Blah blah blah…” After I came from that state I basically said “No! Not yet! I was going to wait on that…” I face palmed my self and know that it is done. I was not frightened or anything. It felt natural and I know it was the “other me”, my soul that said this.

After I have finally fallen to sleep I had a few dreams. All were quite interesting but a few stood out. One was I walking into this store. It was one I have visited when I was little that no longer exists. I looked on the wall just above this shelf to see a white board. I looked around to make sure no one was watching, apparently what I was looking for wasn’t something the others in the room wanted me to see for some reason. I erased some stuff on there and wrote out the word spider with the black marker. The word faded and another took its place. Arachne. I then saw a picture of this woman that was also a spider drawn underneath. I found what I was looking for and left quickly. The dream then turned into this darkish place and in this place I was a red spot light on that lighted up a raised round place with a throne. On the throne was no other then Set him self. I have not seen him for many years. His eyes were a red color, something I learned from Anubis that ment a strong emotion. It could be anger, rage, but also love or lust. But judging his face at first he seemed stern but not mad but when these two people showed up he looked more mad. He said something but I couldn’t catch it all. His voice deep and sounding as if he was annoyed. He wore this really nice deep red robe with gold on it and his left he had his septer of Was that was pure gold (I am still sorry Set, but the idle on your septer still looks adorable).

So I found these dreams interesting. :thinking:

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I am going back to the basics of magic, starting from ground and work my way up. It is difficult because just how long it has been. It’s like trying to ride a regular bicycle or ice skating. You did a lot of it a few years ago, but stoped for a bit before just now returning to it years latter.

I am slowly making progress. At first honesty I was working more so on my vision, focusing on trying to get into that state of mind. But day after day of doing it and having a few results I felt I was not progressing as I was hoping. I became slightly depressed and disappointed in myself at not able to do something so basic. But last night I had learned something.

You see a bit back, around three weeks ago, I had found a rubix cube at my work. No one really used it and it being slow I decided to try my hand at it. For about two hours off and on I tried to solve a side but only got in two of the colors. No matter how hard I tried and how much I analyzed it, I couldn’t do it. So I gave up on it and just messed around with it. I looked out the window of my job, just staring out at nothing. I started to think about Belial and what I was planning to do after work. After a few minutes of just thinking of nothing, I felt energy come through my palms and into the cube. As I messed around I felt this interesting sensation as my energy came out. I looked down after a few moments expecting to see random colors, but long and behold I saw a solid blue side looking back at me. I laughed thinking how it was just a coincidence. I just looked back outside and messed with the cube again. After a few more minutes I took a look at it was was shocked. Three of the colors were done and the others were equally done on the rest.

I thought of this and how I was focusing on the wrong thing. Yes I wish to get into that state but I came to a realization that I had to just not think. Yes I wasn’t focusing on what I was seeing nor thinking but I was putting to much thought into the act. So I thought of the past and how I use to meditate with music and how that helped me greatly. So I looked up the same music to use. It’s not the normal meditation music or 5.6 hz. But some interesting mix of Egyptian and parts go into a rich and earthy deep tone that would drive me to go deeper.

I started the music and breathed. Soon I found myself in that state of my mind relaxing. After a few moments of this and staring at the corner of my room, I started to feel this energy go up my spine and forcing me to sit up more strait and lightly rock back and forth in a rhythm of its own. The energy grew stronger and rose higher. I just sat there thinking of nothing and allow this energy to go up my back. My floor soon became black and it seemed I sat upon a dark void. I just kept my eyes looking strait and gradually started to tilt my head up. My goal is to have a perfect trance like state. The energy continued to come into me and I breathed out I felt myself warping the energy around me in a circular motion. It was not strong how ever, and I could have easily missed it if I was not in the state that I was. I went on with this for a bit until I felt I have gone as deep as I could go at the time. I exhaled and clapped my hands three times, removing my mind from that state.

I decided to go to sleep and got ready. I lay in my bed trying to fall asleep. I fell into a partial sleep that I saw a vision. In this vision I saw Balphamet there siting in his normal indian siting position. He was levitating a few inches from the ground. He sat where he would be directly behind me where I was siting. I took this as a sign that I was indeed getting somewhere.

I know this is a gradual thing that takes time to build up. But I fell after this experience I am making some progress on my journey.

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I feel like making a update and write a post. A lot of things are going on and right now not sure how to really feel about it. You may remember what I had to go through a few months ago and in general the 360 switch in my life. There is still things I’m trying to work on and heal within myself.
As of late Iv been going through quite a few things in my life. The latest one is me finding the right path for myself. One of the problems I’m having is a side per-say is wanting me to go back to it which honestly I do not. This side is working with the angelics. I understand I can work with them and be on this path as well as we need balance in order to grow on this path I’m looking forward to exploring deeper. They seem animent that they want me to fully work with them primarily but I honestly do not feel that I belong on that path that they want me to be on.
My soul craves this which I am now testing. A simple taste of what can be and what will be. I’m finding not just comfort in this path oddly enough, from the comfort and the warmth that the darkness seem to bring to me. I enjoy working with the more light side per say, the celestial energies but after a while I feel the need to retreat and recharge. I haven’t felt this well…this good and myself for so long. More and more things that I have suppressed so long is now coming to the surface that I’m slowly exploring. I am allowing my self to simply be that, myself and not forcing myself to do what anyone says that I should do if I feel myself, that I do not want to do.

I seem to be attracted to more of the Draconian practices as well as vampirism and a bit of necromancy. This makes sense to me especially when I look in the past what I’m naturally am attracted to and what naturally came my way, that for awhile I pushed away. I am still very much interested in herb magic and working with nature as part of my practice. But yesterday when I first handled my new bone wand that I have gotten, at first I thought I was going to be uncomfortable with it, but as soon as I held it, it felt right. My soul felt happy and calm. This and some other experiences that I am experiencing is basically help lead me to this conclusion.

I will definitely post more on this latter on when I have gained more insight on my self and path.

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