Will out of control

hi,
i have been suffering from anxiety for years now, i came to the point of having weird reflexes, for example if i get afraid that i am spending much time looking at the computer monitor it looks brighter just at the moment of thought, or if i touch a blood vessel under the skin it feels as if it is filled with blood reaching the heart an i have weird feeling in my heart, you know it is like when you are at the edge of a cliff and you are afraid of falling you actually fall, i mean all the things that i try to avoid actually happen.
also as i said in a previous post once i had a weird experience probably because i played the wigi board alone, i sort of developed a magical power but it is very weak, so for the last four years i have been trying to make it stronger by meditating on it or practicing visualization with it because when i use it my visualizations are very strong and magical, doing this i was hoping that i can make what i want happen at least not directly but by the law of attraction, none of my visualizations actually happened but living in my dream world is awesome and sometimes i get revelations i cant even describe.
as i said i couldn’t obtain my goals but one day the unexpected happened, i was having a cold during that period ad i was afraid of getting bronchitis, one morning it didn’t feel right but i continued my meditation suddenly i started visualizing that i have bronchitis as if my will turned against me, the visualization was so strong if i would compare it to reality it would be half its intensity, it didn’t last long but after 2 days i actually developed bronchitis, i got afraid but i convinced myself that the visualization was a warning, and still i continued my meditation, again i started against my will visualizing myself coughing blood, a few seconds after i actually coughed a little blood, to this day i am not sure whether the blood came from my lungs or teeth but the pulmonary specialist said that in my case there is nothing to worry about.
anyway from that time i developed a reflex each time i try to meditate or visualize my will turn against me and i start visualizing bad things.
this makes me think if i am being possessed because i experience the same thing when i am angry or when i hear someone who had an accident when i try to wish him well a voice inside of me actually wishes him bad and no matter how i try to overcome it it always wins.
can anybody explain all of this and how to fix this

This doesn’t sound like possession at all to me. Have you ever thought about the possibility that someone could have cursed you? Because the constant fear and the fact that what you fear seems to take on a life of its own and scare you even further by making those things happen. I mean genuine anxiety disorder can cause the feelings you describe to the point of making the sufferer hallucinate that the cause of their anxieties are real, but if you have never had a previous history of mental illness then I’d be more inclined to believe that someone has done some mojo on you.

Have you always been this anxious or did it happen suddenly one day? I would suggest doing some divination to find out the source of this anxiety or have someone more experienced do it for you, since you seem to be new to all of this. I don’t mean to scare you even further given your current state of heightened fear, but your symptoms seem customary of a curse. Many people practice magick in extreme secrecy so is there anyone you may have pissed off recently? Anyone could be a witch or magician in private and the way they dress and act, no one would ever suspect them of it either. Did you get in a mild argument with someone that over reacts to small arguments, someone that may have been way more angered than need be over something silly?

If what you were describing was a result of magickal power and growth, then you would only be making good things come to life and happen not things that scare you and cause you pain.

[quote=“RavensAscent, post:2, topic:6103”]This doesn’t sound like possession at all to me. Have you ever thought about the possibility that someone could have cursed you? Because the constant fear and the fact that what you fear seems to take on a life of its own and scare you even further by making those things happen. I mean genuine anxiety disorder can cause the feelings you describe to the point of making the sufferer hallucinate that the cause of their anxieties are real, but if you have never had a previous history of mental illness then I’d be more inclined to believe that someone has done some mojo on you.

Have you always been this anxious or did it happen suddenly one day? I would suggest doing some divination to find out the source of this anxiety or have someone more experienced do it for you, since you seem to be new to all of this. I don’t mean to scare you even further given your current state of heightened fear, but your symptoms seem customary of a curse. Many people practice magick in extreme secrecy so is there anyone you may have pissed off recently? Anyone could be a witch or magician in private and the way they dress and act, no one would ever suspect them of it either. Did you get in a mild argument with someone that over reacts to small arguments, someone that may have been way more angered than need be over something silly?

If what you were describing was a result of magickal power and growth, then you would only be making good things come to life and happen not things that scare you and cause you pain.[/quote]i have no mental illness history, my anxiety started after a long time of physical chronic diseases, i will see if i can find someone to do a divination for me to see if i am cursed because i think a lot of people envied me and wished me to fail and suffer and that’s kind of what happened

Have you looked into getting some energy healing done?

This may be a case of what shamanic healers call “soul loss” which does indeed create a state like being crossed or cursed, it can come after a trauma, an illness, or anything that damages your sense of self, and of safety.

Your message reads like you’re somewhat raw, unprotected, and have few defences to dismiss ideas as being not worthy of your time and attention, so random passing thoughts from the survival part of your brain (which exists to spot dangers and therefore has a high rate of false-positives) are being taken on board by your kind of executive decision making processes, as though they were all equally real and worthy of attention.

I hope that doesn’t sound offensive, it’s not meant that way! :slight_smile:

I’m just trying to help figure the problem out, so we can find you ways to overcome it.

[quote=“Lady Eva, post:4, topic:6103”]Have you looked into getting some energy healing done?[/quote]you must understand that i can not do any magic anymore because any tentative to help myself will turn against me, it is like a dead end for me

[quote=“Lady Eva, post:4, topic:6103”]Your message reads like you’re somewhat raw, unprotected, and have few defences to dismiss ideas as being not worthy of your time and attention, so random passing thoughts from the survival part of your brain (which exists to spot dangers and therefore has a high rate of false-positives) are being taken on board by your kind of executive decision making processes, as though they were all equally real and worthy of attention.[/quote]i don’t understand what you mean

Yes, I meant going to see an energy healer of some kind, not doing it yourself.

You seem to have few defences, is what I meant. This can be fixed, but you might need outside help.

One other option. If you are willing to try… Attention shifting exercises can help. Find something you enjoy and are very interested in that is positive, like music, a tv show, a picture, an object, a book, really anything at all that is interesting to you and makes you feel good. Keep this in mind and or make a note of it and carry it with you as a reminder when you first start.

The next time you feel your mind is focusing where you do not want it to, turn your attention to your object of interest, until you lose track of the negative focus.

Then switch back to the negative, until you lose track of the positive focus. Once you have forgotten the other, then switch back to the positive again.

Repeat this several times, ending on the positive.

Keep doing this. It will be difficult at first. Eventually you will gain the ability to switch your mind at will to whatever you want. This will solve the problem of compulsive focus.

Remember it won’t be easy, but can be done.

i mean all the things that i try to avoid actually happen

Dont try to avoid it. The universe doesnt know good or bad. It doesnt know ‘i dont want’ it just knows energy. And what you put energy on will most likely happen.

seek, and you will find. ‘I dont want to seek’ is some kind of seeking.

or you could just accept the fact that it is all in your Head Angel (or at least it starts from there), and then boom… you clear it all away and Angel’s curse is being deleted as we speak, and never existed around any space or time. SO now you can continue as an Angel (messenger) of Good Health and Prosperity.

Highly doubt you are cursed yes people can curse others and the amount of people that have is super small I’m sure most people today believe in one of the religions or nothing at all we have to be the smallest group by far. I had extreme panic attacks years ago it was a bitch and almost how you describe your situation. you should def not be doing magic in your state of mind sounds like you could become easily obsessed. Have you seen a psychiatrist? Or therapist? Maybe if working with anything supernatural look to Raphael he’s very easy going and caring has helped me greatly over the course of two years and is def my favorite entity out there. Good luck and don’t use one thing to help yourself you need a combo of things possible energy healing work by some one qualified maybe therapy and last resort some Xanax for a month to get a grip at least while you seek out the source of this anxiety, I wish u the best!

@angel
I think you need Archangel Michael.Do whatever you can to connect with him.Sigil opening,prayers,chanting his name,everything you can go for.
Also LBRP or even the defensive armor ritual from new avatar power works well to clear fear and psychic blocks.
Another option is to ground your self with the mantra LAM.It gives strength and stability.

Yes, I meant going to see an energy healer of some kind, not doing it yourself.

You seem to have few defences, is what I meant. This can be fixed, but you might need outside help.[/quote]

Hi Angel - I am an energy healer & am more than happy to attempt something via distance for you. Please PM me & we’ll go from there.