I swore I’d never post one of those “holy batfuck, I have THE TRUTH!” posts but actually I just had an insight I HAVE to get down - came about as I was replying to another post, in fact!
The reason we maybe can’t do “make the one I love, love me” is because we’ve placed them on such a high fucking pedestal in some ways, such an altar of desire (even if we see their flaws and are angry at those flaws) they they act as a self-limiting mechanism of ourselves and our will.
We want Result X, but this perfect being we’re obsessed with enough to bother in the first place wants Result Z, and that seeps into our magick.
We each hold an internal masculine and feminine (see notes below if you’re not cis-gendered), and when we’re in love, we often admire the most in that person what we both lack and want in ourselves - often, straight men become more macho in that first flush of love, straight women become more conventionally feminine, because we’re busy pinning our own internal “opposite sex” archetype to that other person.
In cases of crossed love, our own internal archetype’s attached to that person, and so half of US is working against us.
Our perfected male/female image of love and what would make our lives complete is crapping on us and dating that other idiot, and as long as we attach so much to them, we’re kinda doomed (I did lost-love magick and got nowhere, happily coupled now but I remember that pain) - they BECOME our Other/God and we then take on board that rejection at a soul-deep level!
There’s a point made by a lot of teacher-types which I think is legit that the perfect bliss and acceptance and elevation we aim for through a sexual partner is a reflection of our seperation from the Source, where no lack can be felt, and all things we do are echoes of a yearning to get back to that.
While that’s the RHP I loathe to tread, it’s a legit theory and to place so much power over our happiness into another person is about more than JUST hormones and the desire to breed.
Also, there’s a bunch of situations in which we’re encouraged to attach a non-consummated but sexual and even romantic desire to a god-icon, for example images of “the Christ” in all his six pack kinky glory on the cross, the Virgin Mary - idealised female, only puts out for beams of light - the Shiva lingam, the idealised bodies of the Egyptian gods, the ideas everywhere across human society that the gods (especially) are these ultimate definitions of perfection.
Which is kinda what we see (at least some of us) when we love someone, because we know they DO have bad traits and pick their noses, but they’re elevated to the extent their very farts are not odorous, but instead amusing and cute.
Okay I’m done but, kick it about, see how it works?
Note: I’m sorry if I’m leaving gay people and non-traditionally gendered persons out, that wasn’t intended nor desired, this is just a brain dump based on only my own experiences, and not meant to be exclusionary, please add your own thoughts anyone with a different perspective.