Well he just wanted to get off this plane… Up to now he still feels like he is too lit for such a place… But the gods always brought him back… Telling him he has a mission he has to fulfill
I’ll get Sth about astaroth and send you
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Well, ultimately, whether we had a pre-incarnation situation going on that lead us into this life or if we simply came here to evolve (simply is putting that a bit lightly), we all have a reason to be here, otherwise why would we knowingly put ourselves in lives like these? It’s never without a purpose of some kind. 
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Thank you so much, I’m currently searching around here.
Put this into ACTION.
Multiple brushes with death. Some by my own doing.
Start with this and build momentum.
Find meaningful things work
Out of your comfort zone.
Suicidal thoughts and depression will latch if you let them.
Next time you have a suicidal thought actively change the object or act to something harmless.
Example:
Daydreaming about jumping off a bridge transforms into jumping off the top of the deku tree, into a portal.
Or slitting my wrist.
Turns into curling with my bicep.
Strive for FOCUS, GRATITUDE, and PURPOSE.
Define what those would look like in a better life.
Body language is also important, your nerves tell your brain what to think based on how your body feels.
THIS IS WHY
Exercise should never be underrated.
You are flexing your nerves and brain.
FOCUSED. And you have a great PURPOSE.
Optimizing your brain, body, and eradicating stress!
Take 5 minutes in the morning to write down 4 things you are grateful for.
What would it be like to have no toilet, or dirt floors. Jeez.
Im grateful I have a toilet to sit on and clean floors to walk on.
A bed to sleep in and both my eyes.
When homeless i was grateful for clean water, the gift of sight, magick, and music.
Manifested realities are a matter of focus.
Focus and act, in a way that grant you the emotions you desire.
Regardless if it was your fault.
The challenges and experiences you come in contact with are substance.
They can be melted, reforged, and wielded.
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Hey there, I see I totally overlooked your reply! Sorry about that, this pandemic has me a bit all over the place. I hope you’re doing well and are feeling a greater sense of peace today. To answer your question, a big part of why I didn’t do it is because I didn’t want to also have to kill my cat. At the time I only had one pet cat, a big fat sweet grey cat with sort of the black stripes - a common shelter cat. I had only had her about a year or so and before that she’d spent her life in a feral colony, and then two years stuck in a tiny cage awaiting adoption at a pet supplies store called PetSmart that also does cat rescue. So it seemed really fucked up to abandon her by killing myself. Then I’d have to kill her too. But that would also be extremely fucked up. It’s like she’d just finally gotten her life together and was living in a great home with loads of toys and oceans of carpet and a lot of attention. She was just a very wonderful, comforting and supportive cat. In the pressure cooker intensity of that depression, I couldn’t let my cat down. She lived with me for another five years until she passed away a few years ago. Honestly if I didn’t have her to worry about there’s a good chance I would have done it. I was just done with this experience at that time. I’m so glad I’m here now though, I literally never knew the human experience could be this great. Part of being happy I think was honestly just getting older. Part of it was a weird experience I had in meditation where I was reliving a traumatic experience and an inter-dimensional being interrupted my meditation to say, “you know, you can choose how to feel right now.” I really latched onto that and have tried to actively choose to feel positive and calm.
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I appreciate your intention, rlly. Just read the original post, I knew about stoicicsm and Peterson is a great thinker. Of course I’m sorry you actually understand the feeling, having to pass through every single thing you describe up there.
The strenght to overcome and triumph, I felt it sometime in the past and it kept me going for a while. I tried everything I know, I learnt and try new things, magick between them. Now I have no will, not even to kill myself, I hope in the future maybe I can recover it. I’m working, slowly, I’m keeping myself busy for now. If I’m able to overcome this, as you did, I’ll try the new things you put in both posts.
Meanwhile, I have to thank you. I’m deeply grateful for your kindness.
It’s fine, we are all nervous about the quarantine, next week it will be over.
I get you. I have had a cat for the last 17 years and she’s pretty much my everything. Still, she will be fine, she’s not alone here. However, I can identify myself with your feeling. I’m sorry your cat is gone now. I cannot understand a lot of things you describe, like the happyness of getting older. I’m thinking of choosing how to feel right now. I can’t, I’ve tried. I’m overwhelmed by anxiety and the reality is somehow disgusting. I’m sorry this answer is depressing af, I appreciate you shared your cat’s story with me.
Put it into practice.
The battle with depression is never ending. Run from the fire and enjoy the run or sit still get burn to death type of deal.
Its a natural response for our bodies.
Last year my mom had cancer, I graduated. Was still dealing with an ex of 3 years, addiction, and was homelessness (parents kept kicking me out).
Im sure if I stopped the habits I have in place i would quickly revert to suicidal tendencies.
I mean I drove 120mph yesterday and after I was like. That was not worth it.
Success is a habit
Gratitude is a muscle.
Focus on what you can control and how to control those. Be grateful for what you have.
And do not complain not even to yourself.
Every vents once in awhile but its a poor habit to get into if I am being frank.
Other people will never be able to solve your problems by never complaining you decrease the attention and fo us (energy) into those things.
Often we suffer more in imagination than in reality -seneca
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Ah wow, 17 years! That’s an awesome long life for a cat, you must be a excellent owner for her to have lived that long. Since she’s already so old, it probably makes sense not to do this until she passes away, which takes me back to the best reason not to kill oneself from Google, you can always do it later. The anxiety is a real bitch, and I think for many people it seems to be physiological. I went through a spell recently where I developed a fear of public speaking, which was fucking insane as I’ve been in high visibility roles for 15 years and have thought nothing of speaking to large crowds, often with minimal preparation. I searched myself for the cause, assumed it was some misalignment with my core beliefs about myself, yadda yadda. Turns out it was just the beginning of a very early menopause - I went on some birth control and was back on track in like two months. I definitely feel you on the fact that there’s some shit within the mind that we can’t just simply will ourselves beyond. I actually think suicide is a quite reasonable response to this incarnation, this place is fucking madness and there’s no shortage of misery for innocent beings. But, I would still say, if you can, to please wait awhile. If for no other reason than for your cat, as even though her physical needs would be met she would be devastated by your passing. If after she passes away, you still feel like this incarnation just isn’t for you, perhaps revisit the idea of exiting this realm, but for now, I do hope you stay with us awhile longer.
That sums up much of what has worked for me.
Why cant you summon Astaroth i just did some research and i cant find a reason you wouldn’t summon them