Why setting boundaries is important when sharing experiences

General Discussion
#1

When sharing experiences, some people feel the need to explore and find validation to others experiences. Maybe out of curiosity, or as a remark of their own abilities. Personally, I find validation of the experience as something comfortable and relaxing, as long as it’s within peripherals of an allowance to do so.

The problems can occur when someone take the freedom of exploring others experiences without agreement or permission to do so, because the boundaries of privacy is broken. And when the information is a little more than you know yourself, or haven’t found out yet, for reasons the spirits you work with might find it irrelevant or that you’re not ready to attain, it could be devastating.

The result of a non-agreement exploration of others experience, can create:

  • Doubts
  • Depression
  • Conflicts
  • Low self-esteem

In contrast, a permitted exploration have the benefit of strengthen your experiences with positive emotional results, because you will get:

  • Validation
  • Understanding
  • Clarity
  • Confidence

Even if the intentions is not to make any harm by exploring others experiences, the result of it can be devastating if it’s done without asking for permission to do so.

I have an example where the permission was partially there, but the person took liberty of digging too deep and used dogmatic views and at the same time used the result of doubts to her advantage. The result took over a year to repair, and luckily the guy have re-established his connection to the spirit again.

To get your experiences validated by others is really strengthening. But always, always ask for permission of doing so first. Even if the intention is good and for validation, the result of it can be devastating.

#2

I usually try to be vague if I find out something about another person that I don’t speak to regularly, so as not to divulge too many details, asking them if they want to know or telling them to speak to a particular deity concerning the matter because I know some people like to discover things about their path on their own, although I’m sure I’ve slipped up at some point and spilled the beans to someone on here when they would’ve rather waited for the info to come to them in their own due time.

#3

This brings up an excellent point. Establishing boundaries is so important. Many people violate boundaries without meaning to, and some do so because they feel they “can”… And both can and should be dealt with accordingly.

For example, if you have shared personal info with someone, and they take it upon themselves to investigate further, or otherwise devise a way to have their own experiences based on your information, attempting to find info about you or spirits connected to you, and then come to you in a manner where they are telling you what your own spiritual family is telling you, and they do this uninvited, then it can be a problem. While they may believe they are “helping”, they don’t stop to consider that perhaps the spirits in question would actually go directly toyou. Instead of through them; that they are in effect setting themselves up as a “mediator” between you and them… That they in essence are robbing you of your own experiences, then energetically charging you admission to the show and story that is your own life… And that is NOT ok.

For whatever reason they felt the need to regale you with tales of all the adventures they are having in the spirit realms with your spirit guides and family, when in fact they should go find their own. Sometimes they may be trying to impress you or others, or even the spirits themselves with their skill… But it becomes tiresome and annoying.

They seem to feel that since they may “know” about a situation, they are free to interact with it… And in their mind they may be…but it is more likely mental masturbation on their part, or they are interacting with their version of the truth they see or perceive for you, entirely through their filter, and in fact it has little or no revelance to you and your situation. If they are a friend, you can thank them for their thought on a matter, but if they are respectful they should be willing to drop it and go no further, especially since you did NOT invite them to investigate your spiritual life and dynamics.

#4

I need clarification as i don’t understand this at all. The very second one opens their mouth or writes something down and shares it with others makes them a target. If your open about it your going to be attacked and challenged in every way possible. That’s how it must be.And the most brutal truth is that if that makes someone feel negative then that’s really THEIR problem to overcome. Black magicians don’t ask permission.

#5

I think what’s being discussed here is things we share privately or in a smallish group (such as this forum is, compared to some others) - not for example in grimoires and marketed products.

Sometimes people will try to tell you where your own discoveries and experiences are heading, based on their own beliefs and (genuine, but personal) experience, and that can be annoying, bordering on insulting; our lives aren’t problems waiting for someone with more wisdom to helpfully solve them, and someone trying to tell you where your “story” is going, is a bit condescending, even hurtful.

Also, of course, not always that accurate, but that’s another topic. :wink:

What’s shared on a friendly forum like this amongst people with similar interests, and where we’re all sharing discoveries and experiences as they happen, is a different thing to hitting the public stage and marketing your revelations as a finished product.

#6

Groovy=)

#7

That is pretty ignorant and a very egotistical point of view, don’t you think? It’s like throwing a baby pig to a pack of hyenas. We know the outcome and that the baby pig will get eaten in the most brutal ways we could ever imagine. That was the result of it, being out in the open and the hyenas couldn’t respect the boundaries. It might be a very out-of-the-context analogy, but it’s not that far away from how you put it in your post, is it?

So the biggest responsibilities lies in the hand of the one who shares the experience, rather than the one’s that receives it?

I mean it can be great to get some kind of validation from your experiences, as long as it’s within mutual agreement. Even if the validation exceeds the information from the first party - i.e the one who shares the experience - it might be wise to not share everything that comes up, or atlest not share everything too clearly. That’s because personal interpretations might cause conflict with the new “information” that doesn’t fit the experience. But if it’s put out there firmly with suggestion of how to proceed, then the new information gets a positive value to work with.

#8

Interesting post this and I can definitely see where you’re coming from Succupedia. I know this has been mentioned before in different ways but I want to simply stress the Golden rule here in more detail as the nature of your post is violated whenever this balance gets tipped.

We all know the Golden rule and how to give all humans and animals respect, but not to continue this if it doesn’t come back as to do so would only cause us to disrespect ourselves. This is the basic framework of it but there’s other layers to the golden rule.

These deeper layers include >

Never tell others what to do as it violates their free will and control.

Never assume, generalise or guess what you think you know about others as this once again is disrespectful to them as It takes them for granted, we should always ask instead.

Try not to judge others, learn to accept them for who they are, “another aspect of understanding their free will and letting them do what they want”.

Now the second layer above is where many fuck up! They totally insult others because they violate our internal worldview. These people show no respect as they push their opinions and ideas of what they THINK we are instead of asking us our opinions on how we see things, not how they see things.

I really get fucking annoyed at some people for pushing their assumptions on me in this way, which is another form of invasion and false validation. I wish some would really learn this aspect of the golden rule and learn to ask.

When we ask we open up to others in a non forceful manner, which in turn can prompt the receiver to open up more to us thereby forming a rapport, instead of becoming threatening or stating a false violation of their character. Taking this to the extreme, these fuckers then go and tell others about their so-called understanding that they have discovered about you, which can and usually has nothing to do with the truth at all!

I know this may seem slightly off topic from the original thread but I’m simply trying to present the issue from a different angle?

#9

One point: it’s always possible to e-mail, PM or simply say to someone, “Please stop talking to me about X, Y & Z - when you do, I feel (invalidated, insulted, whatever) and I’d like you to stop.”

One can’t really tell someone to stop practicing whatever interaction is causing the problem, but it is possible to ask them to refrain from forcing it on you in conversation.

Anyone can put their foot in their mouth, or post something from a place of enthusiasm that hits the wrong note for the person reading it, so, that’s another side of things - laying down boundaries where someone might previously not have realised you intended to have any. Some people aren’t that sensitive and genuinely don’t realise they’re overstepping a mark.

#10

[quote=“succupedia, post:7, topic:7386”]That is pretty ignorant and a very egotistical point of view, don’t you think? It’s like throwing a baby pig to a pack of hyenas. We know the outcome and that the baby pig will get eaten in the most brutal ways we could ever imagine. That was the result of it, being out in the open and the hyenas couldn’t respect the boundaries. It might be a very out-of-the-context analogy, but it’s not that far away from how you put it in your post, is it?

So the biggest responsibilities lies in the hand of the one who shares the experience, rather than the one’s that receives it?

I mean it can be great to get some kind of validation from your experiences, as long as it’s within mutual agreement. Even if the validation exceeds the information from the first party - i.e the one who shares the experience - it might be wise to not share everything that comes up, or atlest not share everything too clearly. That’s because personal interpretations might cause conflict with the new “information” that doesn’t fit the experience. But if it’s put out there firmly with suggestion of how to proceed, then the new information gets a positive value to work with.[/quote]Not at all. Hyenas have to eat too, same as maggots. And if your point is. Don’t tell others what to do? i don’t. Don’t get into others business? i don’t care enough about them to try. And as far as responsibilities go? I can show someone how to use a gun, but its all up to them if they shoot themselves in the head with it or use it to kill 30 people. I was referring to the fact that if your out in the so called 'real world" and are open about your experiences, you will be attacked for it from every angle, especially if someone is making a career out of the occult. And if that had nothing to do with this topic then that’s my mistake and that’s why i asked for clarification on it. excuse me if I was out of line and please forgive me(you don’t really have to). NOW the dancing devil in my mind wants me to point out that trying to make others follow a blind sanctimonious morality is just as much a violation of freedom as anything being said here…We will follow the rules of this forum at all times. And we will never make anyone drink our Kool aid, no they will happily do that on their own;)

#11

I think this is going off on a bit of a tangent… the forum rules are here because they help keep quality high, and useless verbal jousting low, they ensure that the gobshites with no life who want to carry on grudges or close people down don’t get a chance to do that, and we’ve had a LOT of good feedback on them, and the way people can post about their experiences and questions on here without being subject to random abuse.

This is a forum for discussing magick, not demonstrating how to be the rudest, most aggressive and most persistant flamer in the block - there’s the rest of the internet for that! :wink:

BUT this thread isn’t anything to do with forum rules, just discussing boundaries that will work in a specific context and type of discussion.

#12

[quote=“charles9, post:10, topic:7386”][quote=“succupedia, post:7, topic:7386”]That is pretty ignorant and a very egotistical point of view, don’t you think? It’s like throwing a baby pig to a pack of hyenas. We know the outcome and that the baby pig will get eaten in the most brutal ways we could ever imagine. That was the result of it, being out in the open and the hyenas couldn’t respect the boundaries. It might be a very out-of-the-context analogy, but it’s not that far away from how you put it in your post, is it?

So the biggest responsibilities lies in the hand of the one who shares the experience, rather than the one’s that receives it?

I mean it can be great to get some kind of validation from your experiences, as long as it’s within mutual agreement. Even if the validation exceeds the information from the first party - i.e the one who shares the experience - it might be wise to not share everything that comes up, or atlest not share everything too clearly. That’s because personal interpretations might cause conflict with the new “information” that doesn’t fit the experience. But if it’s put out there firmly with suggestion of how to proceed, then the new information gets a positive value to work with.[/quote]Not at all. Hyenas have to eat too, same as maggots. And if your point is. Don’t tell others what to do? i don’t. Don’t get into others business? i don’t care enough about them to try. And as far as responsibilities go? I can show someone how to use a gun, but its all up to them if they shoot themselves in the head with it or use it to kill 30 people. I was referring to the fact that if your out in the so called 'real world" and are open about your experiences, you will be attacked for it from every angle, especially if someone is making a career out of the occult. And if that had nothing to do with this topic then that’s my mistake and that’s why i asked for clarification on it. excuse me if I was out of line and please forgive me(you don’t really have to). NOW the dancing devil in my mind wants me to point out that trying to make others follow a blind sanctimonious morality is just as much a violation of freedom as anything being said here…We will follow the rules of this forum at all times. And we will never make anyone drink our Kool aid, no they will happily do that on their own;)[/quote]

The point was that just because some magicians choose to have no boundaries, or outright violate the boundaries of other, does not mean the ones getting violated have to sit back and take it simply because the opinion of “jungle law” is considered valid by the aggressors. They will be treated accordingly. Yes, you have a point in that by publickly expressing views it opens it to publick commentary, and being a magician is largely related to dealing with the dissonance in society that creates…

However, the point is more that say if I shared something personal to a person or people I confide in, and then they took it and ran off on their own crusade, or inserted their own interpretation and presented it as fact in my life and tried to force it back on me, that is a boundary violation. Each person sets their boundaries, but if cancer spreads you cut it out… You dont become “mad” at the cancer for acting in its nature…you simply have an understanding on not allowing it in or removing it once it proves to be cancer.

It just seems that some people here make a habit of inserting themselves into things in other people’s lives in a way that is fallacious and intrusive. It is up to each person to set their own boundaries…and enforce them, especially if the other party won’t…

People having free will, and all, are of course free to keep pushing boundaries…but they have no room to complain when they get energetically and magickally smacked and shoved to an outer ring of existance in the person’s life they continued to violate.

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