Keep in mind, that while this was written I was on a heavy dosage of adderall, so If I ramble you understand.
Okay so here is the deal I don’t understand how my magick is failing in some areas, yet I can do wonderful things in others. I gave one of my enemies breast cancer, manifested a thousand dollars within 3 days and I have been able to separate my astral body from my physical body as well. Yet, I cannot seem to get a single goddamn love spell to work. I even resorted to using magick to become asexual temporarily and while I did enjoy the amount of energy and focus that it gave me… I felt dead inside (I suppose that’s how homosexuals feel in a oppressed society) I was denying who I was. Its beyond frustrating. My failures have not been a isolated incident, its happen numerous times, on numerous targets.
Despite Belial and I not being on the best of terms he taught me a lot of things, specifically about endurance in hardship. However, for a time it turned me into a nihilist and very spiteful, bitter person. Ive only recently started doing some severe uncrossing work, Ive taken several cleansing baths, Ive started thinking positive thoughts for the first time in god knows how long, Ive smiled so much that my laugh lines hurt… yet, despite such efforts to rid myself of impurities that were impeding my magick… my target remains unaffected.
Then it got me thinking… almost a year ago I told someone about the pact I made with Belial and had called me a fool and said that Hecate was a much better choice as she was also the patron of magick, and would have given me much better results in terms of what I wanted. So I decided I might make a secondary pact with Hecate temporarily to see if she will boost my magick so that I can achieve the results that I desire. I also hope that she can help me with magick in general as well. I debated with who I should use her or Thoth, as all other deities of magick lack as much extensive writing about them. I also decided to not work with love deities as they tend to be treacherous (Aphrodite for example) and surprisingly unsympathetic.
I am open to suggestions though.