Who was it?

Hi, about 3 years ago I had an interesting “vision” or call it what you like. When I shared it before in an esoteric group online they made fun of me - I hope that won’t happen here.
So, I went to my first ‘gong bath’ and somehow I got into a dream yet kinda awake state and fell into a clear vision (never experienced something like that before…) . I was being escorted down an isle, to my left and right where rows and rows of beings in hooded black cloaks and one tall one escorting me , all I remember was seer extacy and happiness and excitement as I knew I was being anitiated and my whole pinnacle of my life was what i wanted to reach this point, awaiting me at the end I knew was something special to conclude the initiation. But as I was walking down in between the middle of all the beings that were there I looked to my left and within the crowd a being/diety looked at me. He looked at me with like ashamed and sorrowful and kind eyes, and I was wondering what he was trying to convey… but I also noticed he had, what I describe as 6 horns, 2 above, 2 below, and 2 small fangs/teeth from his mouth, with a long face like a deer/goat just larger.
At the the time I was taking a more ‘right hand approach’ and when I saw the ‘horns’ I thought this might be ‘Satan’ and who knows what I’m getting myself into by being anitiated, may be i was getting myself into something bad/trick? So I turned back (just incase), and woke up…
It was all so real… I even kept on having awful feelings why I didn’t go through the initiation, and those kind eyes of his, and I knew this is no evil diety, and my longing to know what awaited me on the end of the isle of initiation, and just because of a silly belief i was brought up with, ruined everything. Oh how I wish I can make it up to him.
In my search online at the time, the nearest pictured I could find resembling the diety was the well known picture of Baphomet. So who was it? Lucifer , Baphomet, Satan or some other diety?. (Also a spiritualist told me he was a reflection of my fears, but I don’t think that fully/truly to be the case). Since then I have tried doing things in his favour (in hope at the time he might help with the current courtcase) I slowly tried to give up of my right hand and started persueing the left and connected to Satanists and Lucifarians and made private rituals and pacts and finding ways to try communicate again and ‘fix’ that vision but to no avail.
I still feel like a piece of crap going nowhere, people from all sides bullying me both authorities, especially people from the former religion i was brought up in, family and all who know me. My main strength and happiness is my natural born spirtual abilities that havn’t been utilised but that is not enough especially in the physical world when one has no friend or place,especially if one does not see massive progress or ability to cause real change in life , not just mentally telling yourself stuff that doesn’t in the reality manifest - or just ‘be happy’ when in reality it’s awful, or only happens ‘as and when’ to me that is not full or true magic if it also does truly exist beyond (just) the mental realms (or as scientists may call ‘imagination’ ). In the past I also sought after a teacher too, but I guess because I couldn’t see past my troubles at the time (risk loosing my kids, constant bombardment from the authorities, court, ex and his/ the old religious communitie…) the teacher dropped me…he took the view that kids could take care of themselves whatever happened and if i couldn’t handle this, the magical path is even more difficult and I wouldn’t make it…
I still would like to know in your opinion (if your still reading lol ) who this diety/god was, and how I can reconnect to him so he may help me sort out my vision or maybe my life/my life’s knowledge/vision.
Many thanks