Where do I go from here

My use of psychedelics and personal pursuit to ascent has lead me to ego death. This is something that can’t be described by words but I came to an understanding of what it is to be one with the universal consciousness and to be the creator of all things within my universe. If you’ve been there, you’ll know what I mean because it was a trip. I took comfort in the idea that everything had it’s purpose and it will continue to serve it’s purpose for everyone whether or not I chose to manipulate it for my personal needs. The idea that I could change the course of this, out of ego, was a beautiful thing to explore. I felt that we are all connected by ?The God Current? and we as Gods and Goddesses could create something truly beautiful in this world and in the worlds beyond the flesh. All I can say is this was the most content I’ve ever felt in my whole entire life.

I became aware to the fact that I was very limited in my mindset because all I needed to do was let go of everything in order to find inner peace and transcendence. I knew for a fact that I couldn’t move forward in my path if I didn’t do this and it was in this that I could truly embrace myself as a creature of spirit, not of the flesh. Letting go of the physical world was the most joy I’ve ever felt because I truly felt alive and liberated for the first time in my life.

Although I took joy in the idea of creating, I felt that this wasn’t what I wanted to do. In my Qliphothic studies I never fully understood what it meant to choose to reside within the womb of Kali or Lilith. I think this experience explained it to me. In this experience I found that being liberated, transcending the flesh and embracing myself as a creature of spirit was a moment of wholeness for me. This wholeness manifested itself as ecstasy and happiness. The feeling of being content with myself is what I truly took pleasure in during this experience and I would give anything to experience this for eternity. The idea of letting go of everything and choosing to step back and dwell within the womb of Kali or Lilith brings this joy to me.

After I experienced this the physical world as I know it is seen by me in a different light, it feels secondary. I feel timeless and everything around me has lost it’s meaning or purpose to me. I know I have to work and take care of the daily tasks in order to maintain a suitable life for my wife and I but all I truly want is to just be. I feel like I’ve learned a lot from this experience but I don’t know how to truly embrace it in day to day life in a productive way. All I know is it’s just a matter of moving forward for now.

Hey C.J.!

First off gratz man it takes courage to take that step in your development. What your experiencing is natural when your in that “Gamaleic or Yesodic” type of current/ place/mindset whatever. I can relate and have been “there” so to speak simply because a majority of my practice revolves around working with Lilith and all of her aspects. The world seems dull, people and their problems / interests seem trivial and the day to day does so as well. Bust your ass at work for what within the scheme of things.(Not going to lie a good trip will also make you feel the same way ;))
My goal in working exclusively under the parameters before mentioned, was to use that to manipulate my reality . I use it to do so, not saying I’m great at it but I am a completely different person and magician from doing so. Gamaliel is that step before it transfers to Naemoth/Malkuth meaning it can have a great affect in your reality when manipulated correctly. Use the womb as your personal astral space to (since were using this term) impregnate your desires to take place on this plane.
One word of warning simply because your dealing with the Gamaliel/Yesodic current do not fall into the traps of escapism it’s really easy to let everything fade and enjoy the astral. More so in a Gamaliel focus though its a different thing. The potential to literally mold your world is there. Try to get into that mind state without tripping so you have more control over the magickal operation, its really easy to get lost in it in an altered mind state. Hope I helped in some way.

Best
Keez

I know exactly what you mean… it’s like coming back to NotMe, isn’t it? (If that makes sense.)

I don’t have any advice, but I’ve had that same feeling. :slight_smile:

[quote=“keez, post:2, topic:4242”]
One word of warning simply because your dealing with the Gamaliel/Yesodic current do not fall into the traps of escapism it’s really easy to let everything fade and enjoy the astral. More so in a Gamaliel focus though its a different thing. The potential to literally mold your world is there. Try to get into that mind state without tripping so you have more control over the magickal operation, its really easy to get lost in it in an altered mind state. Hope I helped in some way.

Best
Keez[/quote]

And that seems to be my main problem… Either I’m here or there (more often than not, there). I can’t seem to find an in-between that really works.

"Nothing is true, everything is permitted"
You’d be amazed at how much truth there is, hidden within fictional media.

To move forward, I’d suggest setting yourself up a game plan, so to speak.
If you don’t really care about things for yourself, maybe think about what would make your family and friends happy and work for that. Help set them up to feel like the gods and goddesses they are (your wife especially)
Set things up so you don’t have to worry about the day-to-day physical needs, so you can just be.

[quote=“keez, post:2, topic:4242”]Hey C.J.!

First off gratz man it takes courage to take that step in your development. What your experiencing is natural when your in that “Gamaleic or Yesodic” type of current/ place/mindset whatever. I can relate and have been “there” so to speak simply because a majority of my practice revolves around working with Lilith and all of her aspects. The world seems dull, people and their problems / interests seem trivial and the day to day does so as well. Bust your ass at work for what within the scheme of things.(Not going to lie a good trip will also make you feel the same way ;))
My goal in working exclusively under the parameters before mentioned, was to use that to manipulate my reality . I use it to do so, not saying I’m great at it but I am a completely different person and magician from doing so. Gamaliel is that step before it transfers to Naemoth/Malkuth meaning it can have a great affect in your reality when manipulated correctly. Use the womb as your personal astral space to (since were using this term) impregnate your desires to take place on this plane.
One word of warning simply because your dealing with the Gamaliel/Yesodic current do not fall into the traps of escapism it’s really easy to let everything fade and enjoy the astral. More so in a Gamaliel focus though its a different thing. The potential to literally mold your world is there. Try to get into that mind state without tripping so you have more control over the magickal operation, its really easy to get lost in it in an altered mind state. Hope I helped in some way.

Best
Keez[/quote]

I work with this system sober as well. As for where the womb really is, I guess it depends on who’s system you’re working with because I’ve seen many variations of this but they all have the same goal and offer the same choice in the end.

According to Thomas Karlsson’s book Qabalah, Qliphoth and Goetic Magic the shell Thaumiel is the Initiatory process when The Magician reaches the absolute core, the throne of Lucifer and the Eye of the Dragon. The magician can stay here for eternities, but can also make the ultimate choice. All religious, philosophical and metaphysical goals are here. The magician can throw himself out into the ocean of Tehom and rest in the arms of the Dragon, enter into Nirvana or melt in the womb of Kali. One can return to the lower levels or take the final step out of the universe.

I feel that I have taken with me what I’ve needed to learn from the spirits who dwell within the foggy shores of the shell Lilith and the vampiric orgies of Gamaliel.

This is the understanding that I’ve reached within this system. I feel like I’m close to completion and the choice that I must face is to either melt away in the womb or take that final step out of this universe. Right now I’m satisfied with being content.

Good post Keez!

You know c.j. I was to post somethimg else here, but I find this sentence more fit to your personal situation: [i]explore the limitations of this state.[/I]

The universe is not a place that one comes back from, its a place where one lives within constantly.