I have stared long and hard at the abyss from time to time…not from magic, but from other situations that come knocking.
Despair and the dense downward spiral comes when the soul itself needs change in order not to die. Yes, a soul can be extinguished. But in those fork in the road moments, a soul might capitulate to the physical death instead as a reset button.
All you must do is force a change. A change.
Years ago, I went to a grocery store with a black eye and bruises on my arms. I was twenty pounds underweight from malnourishment and sheer fear and stress. I was pregnant. Not one person could look me in the eye. I knew nobody but me would save my life.
I went home, packed a small bag and my purse. But I didnt make it. I was beaten, kicked, bludgeoned with a metal bar, strangled and the intent was to burn me alive. I was asked, “how would you like to die?”
Well…Id been thinking about it, actually.
My change that night was to fight back. It ended in a high speed chase on a dark highway.
My stupid gift of killing electronics during high emotions killed my alternator. I outran him though…and to a backroad I parked and got out. I was limping and cramping. The sky opened with thunder and bolts of lightening. I walked for hours, knocking on doors and nobody answered. The next day, I was at the hospital. PTSD, fingerprints on my neck and arms for a solid month. My ankle tendon was scraped nearly off the bone.
You dont give up. EVER.
Make. A. Change.
I remembered who I was after that night. I took my power back.
When insanity knocks…tell that bitch to get off your doorstep and take several seats.
This is as real as it gets. If you don’t get life’s hints you can die in all ways or lift yourself up and out of that situation and don’t look back. Thanks for sharing your harrowing tale.
Be well.
He was charged with attempted murder and child endangerment. He got a slap on the wrist but a series of quite unfortunate events transpired afterwards. He got beat up a few times, he totalled the truck he chased me with in a bad roll over, the house burned to the ground, his company went belly up. Universe isnt finished yet.
Oh honey…this happened sixteen years ago. Writing about it brought back some old emotions and feelings just from being in that moment while telling you all. But most of the time, I never even think about what happened that night. It took me around seven years to heal. Seven years to even date again. I spent all that time focusing on me and my healing and getting to know myself. I delved hard into spirituality and so on. I’m good, but I do appreciate the compassion and offer of an ear. In this day and age, I work on healing fresher wounds inflicted by other awful people on my journey. Part of the learning process.
