When Belial teaches you banefulness for balance

So, things I can only say here. 1.5 years ago, Belial. “I hate him, do it.” I just realized my star prince from ceremony is a “demon”. He’s just blah, blah, millions of excuses, my lame rebuttals. Belial, here’s Abaddon, Loki showed you nothings real, maybe he can wake you up, you guys have much history.
Abaddon, so I can’t say you can be baneful, you need to let me decimate all that keeps you under the impression you need to tolerate such abuse because you just always wanted to be loved. Sorry, ten months later, I get literally brought back from assault. Belial, “Do it! Strike snake eyes, rise dragon, his blood, do it. Oracle side isn’t needed, magic, dark swift and from your words of power in your blood.”
Me, “I worked with Azazel, and we killed the part of him that would harm others, literally manipulated time and space. I am still being plummeted by him, I hate him.”
Abaddon, sorry again. Bombs strike.
Me, escaping into Azazel’s office in the sky, no you need a teacher And Ant’harratu shows up. 2 weeks later, I’m literally throwing L7 on and screaming outloud as I’m planting a poppet with mouse entrails, and clove and releasing hatefulness.
"Belial, you let me be my own master of choices, Abaddon destroyed the codependent me who allowed people to hurt me, l destroyed the false love glamour I created and came forth from the fire. Azazel gave me what I wanted, not good enough.
My teacher, gave me a familiar dragon, who’s made of smoke, his name I found means, dark tango. I’m ready now, I dance within myself for balance, I dance with angles, demons and all sorts of spirits. I am stepping aside, dogoratu is here to balance things. Fuck him, he broke my face against windows and strangled me, fuck him, fuck the past ten years, I’m done! I’m sorry I took so long, to get it Belial. But I’m not fucking sorry I chose to do me. I need to be predatory to draw the line and everything and everyone whose close to crossing it, on any level, anytime and let it be known, I’m done. I apologize for nothing, I need to do this without balance, whatever I am, am becoming does not thrive. I need to do this dark action, for my lighter side, for my kindness and nurturing side. Belial, "fuck you’re stubborn, hi, you’re doing the right thing and for the right reasons. "Me, “Really, as I’m gutting dead mouse I found, rancid blood and my blood and his baby teeth (im glad he kept here when he was forced to leave) you get cozy, big dad, proud dad moment now while I desecrate his clay poppet, bones and putrid death all being ground up in my mortar? Kind of a morbidly funny moral confirmation.”
I’m over it. Now, it’s done because I said so, Baneful magic tonight was to stop a monster, but its main purpose was for me to arise and demand my lighter aspects be honoured by breathing fire. Thick skull, finally got it.

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I really tried, but I don’t understand.

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I had to go through my own hell of fighting the urge to be baneful and have a backbone. I finally hit my point after working with multiple dieties. Learning different paths, choices and outcomes. I also learned how averting reclaiming my power by fearing baneful workings is imbalanced and immoral. Sometimes dark actions are necessary for balance. Don’t expect you or anyone to understand. I am impressed by how easily some here connect and perform ritual with huge results. Its inspirational.
I would hope no one would have to have the life i had l, and the need to learn the leasons I have. But, it all comes full circle. I started with Belial, he told me what was necessary. I Resisted. Got cleansed by Abaddon’s destruction. Manipulating outcomes with magic from Azazel, still not enough to free me to rise up. So I entered into deep meditation hours a day, trying to hide in spiritualism then, I finally snapped and was able to understand the death curse Belial suggested in the first place was a holy action. If anything this, post was for me to release the horrific year after finally finding my anger, then releasing it. I am the only one that needs to understand. Thanks for trying though lol.

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How’s your healing Freyja? I hope you’re feeling better these days…:bouquet:

Love your background, the moon and the stars. :grin:

Grammar, please!

Same here @Helena