Today is one of those days that i think about magick and think whats the point. Why do I keep doing it? I always feel like I’m trying to prove some point. And I don’t even know what that point is, I really shouldnt have anything to prove. So why I do I feel that way?
Its like I can never just let it go. But what is this IT?
Is it my big fat ego? Or my suppressed childhood horrors? Or is it me still trying to prove to my parents that I’m in not the devil I was made to be?
Although I am a devil for sure. Just not the one my step dad would have people believe.
So WTF am I doing? And why? Whats my motivation? Why do I hang on? Why not just let it go?
Sigh…
Maybe its my mood, today. Maybe its the weather, maybe its the planets … Idk.
Its does help. The problem is I’m a giver. So if I’m not able to give I feel incomplete. Which stresses me out. I could do all the magick in the world but until stop giving everything away. I’m still spinning my wheels. But its really when I’m the happiest. When I can give or help someone else.
Looks like you are fulfilling your need to give then
You get help from entities and help others as well!
If you don’t feel satisfied though, maybe you need to work on yourself. Reconnect to your soul, do some inner alchemy etc. Find your inner happiness
Happiness doesn’t necessarily come from the world, it comes from within
It’s called addiction if you just go through the motion all the time without purpose. you suppose to have a goal with every magick. Same with real life interaction with people. Have a purpose. Most people hang out with no purpose. Most spend time together but don’t know why they doing it other than that’s what people do. They are following the crowd. There has to be purpose in order to make change in your life. It’s not just to kill time. Same with being in this forum. what’s your purpose. most are killing time and getting addicted to the forum. Always have a goal in mind. Same with reading books. what’s your goal for this particular book? Without purpose there is no direction or change in one’s life.
If you feel like you’re repressing anything, that’s probably what it is. Spirituality/magic is about outwards as well as inwards, so maybe your next spiritual direction should be introspection for a while, making yourself happier if nothing else?
But, what about curiosity, to see what else is out there? What about staying in touch with the spirit friends you’ve made and getting to know them and thier histories better, directly from them? Or deepening understanding of yourself and the universe?
Changing my world is the smaller part of magick for me, I already know enough there to make the decisions to want change, and it happens one way or another, but it’s not new, and not new is dull… it’s the uncovering of potential the unknown that’s what I like about the occult.
Could be a combination of things effecting mood. I’m still tryin to work out if i walked into a damn gremlins movie.
But I get the “Why” do we explore a path i think it linked to an impulse to evolve on more than a physical level but that is my personal take on it.
The outside pressures of societal,cultural, religious and familial programming pushing against the internal drive to expand personal power. Which each of the outside pressures do their damnedest to prescribe the moral imprint of evil to the desire to seek this very expansion of self and by this imprint causing internal strife which can hinder the very journey for power.
Again this is mostly my own opinion on the inner clockwork of “why do we seek to expand”.
To be honest I realised people do magick whether they know it or not! If I don’t control my magick something else will! So much shit slips into the subconscious…
Been there. I don’t know why I continued or what drove me to continue. This was back in the mid-seventies. Lots of pictures of British, mainly pastie English Wiccan women - naked, everything on show (almost). Black women ripping apart live roosters. That was about it. 1980s wasn’t much better - a couple of Crowley novel reprints. I kept going - ever so slowly - why?
Still fucking wonder.
‘Yet even now I do not know what lies ahead.
Now is My time to seek the glory of My Goddesses and My Gods
That I will one day walk with Satan
In His World, with His Bride.
And that I will become greater than the mortal I am leaving behind,
The mortal which must die that a God(dess) will be born!’
Hail Myself that I seek to be!
Hail Satan!
Al.
Perform as invocation (and I don’t counsel invocation that much) before leaving home and last thing before bed. Keep notes.
What’s your motivation? Why hang on? To let go would be to return to a normal life where you are blind to the possibilities and subject to the sway of all other forces around you. To continue is to forge your own path and be your own current that changes the ebb and flow of the tide.
