I will be putting the entire post with the previous 2 days in my journal. But this day 3 has been the climax so far, so for the sake of shortening the amount of reading for you guys, here’s the meat and potatoes.
The things that have been on my mind were really troubling me… I found myself unable to think about anything else. I went to take a nap, as I usually do. I fell asleep thinking about the million things that have been bugging me. Usually I sleep for hours. But this time I was woken up gasping after just 20 minutes by Belial. I had an odd sensation of both pain and pleasure. It felt almost like having teeth being pulled (metaphorically of course). And then again Belials presence filling the room, telling me to go run. So I did, but this time ran 2 miles. Again I noticed a distinct number of the times and sets and speeds he chose.
Instead of telling me to get back to running, he instructed me to do a couple other workouts I’m not quite used to doing, but somehow conducted them with ease. After doing all of the sets and workouts, he told me to go eat an apple specifically, and reminded me I hadn’t eaten since noon.
As I finished, my mind began to wander back to those troubles once again… And again Belial stepped between them and me. But this time he told me to do something that, under any normal circumstance, would not feel comfortable with: A headstand. “You need to work your core”, he said.
I cant do headstands. I’m always afraid I might snap my neck, but I trusted him and went through with it. It was like my body knew exactly what it was doing and went through the motion fluidly, and without thought.
So I stood there on my head with my legs stretched out straight. Of course though after about 5 to 10 seconds, I began to realize what exactly it was I was doing and started to wobble, and fell.
“Mm…” he said. “Again.”
So I got up, and tried again. This time I was more hesitant, and couldn’t exactly get the placement of my head right. I couldn’t tell if I was leaning too much to one side or if my neck was twisted.
Again. I fell.
“Again.” He said.
So again I got up and tried. This time however, I was afraid that I may snap my neck, since I couldn’t get my head placement right, so I tried to uphold the weight of my body with my arms… with great difficulty. He let me struggle there for a while until he spoke.
“You see? Your strength does not come from your head (the mind). And your attempt to avoid the pressure, only causes you more pain. Headstands, Rin, are mastered through the strengthening of the core… not your head or mind. Yet you are attempting to employ everything but. Strengthen your core.”
So I did… I tightened my core, and my wobbling slowed until it had almost completely stopped.
So tightened more, only for him to repeat yet again, “Stronger.”
I obeyed. And once more, with more almost in a yelling tone “Stronger!”
So I did… and I felt a twisting pain in my abdomen and fell onto my side. I could feel him smiling and his tense energy relax some as I lied there gasping on the floor and clutching the pain.
“See? Do not try so hard… for this will also bring pain.”
I’m truly just a little in awe at his way of teaching.
Yes I’ve been told before “Dont think so much. You’re overthinking.” And “Dont push yourself.”
But I have never ever had someone show me these things like this. It’s definitely made an impact more than simple words could ever do, and I am excited to continue to learn from him all that he is willing to teach me.
And yes my abs are sore