What is happiness_to you?

General Discussion
1

Greetings BALG Forum,

One of my dear friends committed suicide this past Sunday, leaving a wake of sheer pain, rage, and disappointment for his immediate family, friends, and loved ones to live with.

His life was plagued with drug-addiction and an underlying unhappiness. There were times however that he was “happy”. However, the type of happiness he had was mostly relying on “outside” conditions of happiness…i.e, business is going good, new girlfriend, money in my pocket…etc.

Now, yes, if one is to live in this world these things do bring a temporary happiness. Who would NOT want their business going well, or their relationship with their children/girlfriend going great :slight_smile:

I’ve been contemplating his death for the last three days, and the thought of “what is happiness?” keeps coming into my mind stream?

I could type some more things about my own personal experience, theories, and beliefs…but…I think I’ll leave the rest of this up to all of you.

So, what say you BALG Forum?

2

Well i am deeply sorry for your friend and to be honest i think it must always be harder when it is someone close to us but as far as i can say it is, i think not, i know. I wouldn’t know because i never went to a funeral and i never had anyone really close to me dying. The only funeral i went in my life i was 3 years old and it was the one of my great grandmother, the woman from where i took a reason to be here on BALG today. I cried a lot that day and stupid as it sounds, i will never forget it but yes, i was only 3 years old. Since then i have never felt anything at all when someone dies,a friend or a friend of a friend, or even family. I was never really happy that way so i guess i had to find ways to be happy, i think that is what made be a bit different then most persons, where most try to find an achievement where they know they will feel happy about it if they reach that achievement, i try to achieve something that is unthinkable, something that doesn’t make sense to most persons. As a child everyone would ask me, so what do you want to be when you grow up ? I’d always say i would never want to be a doctor, or a lawyer or something important, i didn’t want responsability. Well i guess i grew up to that, i see the society that most persons see, as something vulnerable, something tempting, something to which i do not belong and at some times, there is where i find my happiness, to know that i do not belong there, i never did. I worked already like most persons do, i date girls and i had friends la la la . . but then i always had a feeling that working is a bit of a waste of energy and life time and all the other things were also superficial so i went for the unpredictable, for the unreasonable, i dated men, i tried to live depending on others instead of trying to become independent, i served them to serve myself and i still do.
Happiness is what realizes you inside, it is what you enjoy doing, it is the moments you remember after decades of it happening, happiness is to live and see life around you, the world into which every single one of us was brought to, to enjoy being part of it much as not being part of it. Happiness is feeling connected to the spiritual and to the physical reality, knowing that inside of you resides thousands of unanswered questions to which you crave answering, which brings adventure, the unknown and many other things. Enjoying all that, is what brings us happiness, family and friends and our lives sometimes mean nothing compared to all this :slight_smile:

3

I’m so sorry about your friend - what a horrible thing for you to deal with, and how horrible for him to die like that. I hope he’s found some peace and clarity now.

It’s a good question, what makes us happy: I’ve had to do a lot of thinking about this 'coz of having been a bit mental myself at times, and having had more than a couple of serious eps of suicidal “ideation” verging onto intent.

Mine are:

  1. a challenging project to look forward to, could be magickal, practical, household, creative - anything where I’m in that phase of planning and execution of something, which I can reasonably predict that when it’s finished I’ll be proud of having accomplished, and then that moment when you’re close to completing it and wondering if it really will be worth it, and finally, the moment of actually looking back and going, “Fuck, I did that? Yeah - I DID that!”;

  2. sexual experimentation, the precise nature of which is personal but I’m sure a few people here feel the same way about things that are planned in advance and not just a bored fumble on a Friday night. And, having crushes on various men, my partner bless him is cool with this and has his own version, and meanwhile tolerates the endless box-sets generated by my sudden passion for various TV & movies stars… I’m an obsessive person, into anything intense, and run-of-the-mill won’t do it for me with anything in life, which leads me to;

  3. self-acceptance - I’m fucking crazy, then again everyone I know is fucking crazy in their own ways, and the unhappiest people I know now, and unhappiest times in my life in the past, were when the “I should be’s” outweighed the “Holy fuck, I’m going to live life on my own terms” kind of thing. Everyone’s got personality quirks, and flaws that can be converted into assets, so burn those fuckers and dance in the firelight!

  4. pizza - I don’t eat wheat but pizza made with bases of crushed baked potato, or large-cap mushrooms, or with cheeses and toppings piled on a Pyrex plate over a bit of tomato & herb sauce… could be the casomorphin, could be the association of years with Saturday nights and good TV (Dr Who - either classic era or Matt Smith, see #2), basically if something’s going to end well there’d better be pizza in the evening, ideally home-made, and cooking of all sorts also kind of fills the same space, especially roast beef with home-made gravy, and crunchy hand-made, caramelised roast potatoes;

  5. books, glorious books, losing myself in a thriller or romance or sci-fi or anything at all so long as I like the way the author writes. People who say “YOLO” have obviously never read a book, I’ve lived thousands of lives as a spy, waitress, mother of a disabled child, horse, assassin, torturer, time-traveller, alien… the written word and literacy are truly magickal and divine.

So, erm yeah, that’s mine: I’m a greedy mad pervert, with way too many Ikea bookcases.

If there’s a theme, it’s that the process of all of these is as much fun as the outcome, if not sometimes more, so I’m absorbed in the moment and also with the prospect that even when that’s over, there’ll be an afterglow of some kind, instead of a dull flat feeling of “What now,” and then the possibility to build on it and do more, afterwards.

I could just lie and say “endless ascent and lots of spiritual stuff” but I have seriously had to do inventories of my life, and finding things that matched these basic concepts is what keeps me, not just “carrying on” but actually fucking HAPPY and fulfilled and wanting more.

And I can tell you, there’ve been times when I NEVER thought I could feel that way again!

4

Thank you Lady Eva :slight_smile:

5

Good question, or a hard question - That what happiness is to us…

I guess its that you are living the way you desire… I guess in my case its having things like sex,love,food & beverage, and “something interesting” in your life. Oh yeah, and of course entertainment like music, this kind of social
medias - movies and so on.

But what makes one do suicide, even if he seems to have it all… Might remain a mystery, the reasons can be multiple - its in their mind.

Happiness is a state we desire… I don’t know what else to say.

Well i think in this case it was the drug addiction that was part of the suicide, but i don’t know what led to that - or anything about him anyways so - i don’t want to comment. Maybe even this was too much.

6

Man, I’ve been so far down the rabbit hole lately that I don’t even know anymore. I will say that in the past few months, I’ve been most blissful when I’ve been able to cut through the veil of bullshit and see the true Majesty and mystery of existence, seeing the macrocosm within the microcosm and understanding that my limitations are self imposed. So I suppose for me, true freedom, mental and physical, is bliss.

7

Sorry to hear that, bro! That horribly sucks!
I lost my younger brother almost 12 years ago. He commited “suicide by cop” after some failures trying to commit suicide by himself. So he provoked the cops enough to be shot. He was 31 at the time.

What makes me most happy is having purpose as well as achieving certain accomplishments. I’m always trying to push myself to the limit and beyond. This includes that I’m kind of a thrill seeker as well.

Freedom is also of very high importance to me. If I feel caught or trapped I even become quite dangerous because I’ll do whatever I can to break free again. Mode, you know a bit of my story so you can understand why.
I’m so lucky to have a wife who understands that need of me. Actually, when we first met and decided to go ahead with our relationship, this was the only condition I had: “Never try to take my freedom away, not even when we’ll be married”. And she kept her word because I can do about anything I want. On the condition that I’ll always be honest with her, no lies. That was her condition.
One way to experience freedom is riding my bike. Just me, the bike and the wind.

Being free includes the need of money of course, so yes, money makes me happy as well, even when this sounds superficial. Money in itself doesn’t make happy but I think we can all agree that it opens many doors. So yes, I love money and I hate the lack of it.

Self-acceptance, that’s right Lady Eva. Something I just recently learned.

Also the simple things like watching a good movie, having a great conversation, having fun with friends, enjoying a good meal and a good drink, good times with my wife…

Seeing the results of Magic whether malevolent or benevolent. That sence of Power, you know?

The total acceptance of who I truly am by my wife. She’s the best buddy I ever had and we don’t feel the need to change eachother. That’s also being happy.

My son, who just turned 16. If he’s happy then so am I and he always (well, most of the times) makes me proud.

Our house in which we live since february last year. Living in a villa with a huge garden and being surrounded by woods makes me happy as well. In the corner of our backyard is a small gate; just stepping through it and I’m in the midst of the woods. I feel very priviliged living here, because it’s been a lifelong dream. With thanks and honor to Lord Kiltan.
So I think your surroundings are also of importance for being happy.

8

[quote=“Bran, post:7, topic:3125”]Sorry to hear that, bro! That horribly sucks!
I lost my younger brother almost 12 years ago. He commited “suicide by cop” after some failures trying to commit suicide by himself. So he provoked the cops enough to be shot. He was 31 at the time.

What makes me most happy is having purpose as well as achieving certain accomplishments. I’m always trying to push myself to the limit and beyond. This includes that I’m kind of a thrill seeker as well.

Freedom is also of very high importance to me. If I feel caught or trapped I even become quite dangerous because I’ll do whatever I can to break free again. Mode, you know a bit of my story so you can understand why.
I’m so lucky to have a wife who understands that need of me. Actually, when we first met and decided to go ahead with our relationship, this was the only condition I had: “Never try to take my freedom away, not even when we’ll be married”. And she kept her word because I can do about anything I want. On the condition that I’ll always be honest with her, no lies. That was her condition.
One way to experience freedom is riding my bike. Just me, the bike and the wind.

Being free includes the need of money of course, so yes, money makes me happy as well, even when this sounds superficial. Money in itself doesn’t make happy but I think we can all agree that it opens many doors. So yes, I love money and I hate the lack of it.

Self-acceptance, that’s right Lady Eva. Something I just recently learned.

Also the simple things like watching a good movie, having a great conversation, having fun with friends, enjoying a good meal and a good drink, good times with my wife…

Seeing the results of Magic whether malevolent or benevolent. That sence of Power, you know?

The total acceptance of who I truly am by my wife. She’s the best buddy I ever had and we don’t feel the need to change eachother. That’s also being happy.

My son, who just turned 16. If he’s happy then so am I and he always (well, most of the times) makes me proud.

Our house in which we live since february last year. Living in a villa with a huge garden and being surrounded by woods makes me happy as well. In the corner of our backyard is a small gate; just stepping through it and I’m in the midst of the woods. I feel very priviliged living here, because it’s been a lifelong dream. With thanks and honor to Lord Kiltan.
So I think your surroundings are also of importance for being happy.[/quote]

at this time in my life I have everything I need and almost everything I want. my kids are happy my wife is happy I’m happy. it hasn’t always been this way. I have been in the gutter with a heroin addiction and I found a way out of it. honestly I wouldn’t change a damn thing because it made me who I am. it made me appreciate what I have. addiction makes you suicidal. it isn’t that you want to die you just don’t want to feel that s*** no more and if you get desperate enough it’s easy to do. I have been to over 20 funerals in the last decade. I graduated from high school 10 years ago. everyone I knew is pretty much dead. so I just try to stay grateful even when things suck sometimes cause I know I’m a champion not a chump. thanks to everyone he shares on this form as well by the way. I would share more if I had a computer but my phone takes forever to type on. I hear a lot of things I can relate to some people. I have also gotten some real wisdom from a few. there was a time all my magic was dedicated to attaining things. I have not done a single evocation for any thing other than my personal assent in a long time.

9

[quote=“Mode_439, post:1, topic:3125”]Greetings BALG Forum,

One of my dear friends committed suicide this past Sunday, leaving a wake of sheer pain, rage, and disappointment for his immediate family, friends, and loved ones to live with.

His life was plagued with drug-addiction and an underlying unhappiness. There were times however that he was “happy”. However, the type of happiness he had was mostly relying on “outside” conditions of happiness…i.e, business is going good, new girlfriend, money in my pocket…etc.

Now, yes, if one is to live in this world these things do bring a temporary happiness. Who would NOT want their business going well, or their relationship with their children/girlfriend going great :slight_smile:

I’ve been contemplating his death for the last three days, and the thought of “what is happiness?” keeps coming into my mind stream?

I could type some more things about my own personal experience, theories, and beliefs…but…I think I’ll leave the rest of this up to all of you.

So, what say you BALG Forum?[/quote]

Hi Mode,

First, let me say that I am deeply sorry that this has occurred. We all lose friends and families to various things such as old age, disease or at the nastiest suicide.

For me, I remember being in this state a year ago when I was essentially homeless (though a friend took me in until I could get a new place) and broke, working a shit job. It seems to me that since I never save money, it hits me at the lowest level of the hierarchy of needs.

We all want security, housing, food, transportation, loved ones, gf/bf, money. Sometimes we have to work for it and sometimes we have to get it by other means.

It’s hard to see what you have going for you and how many people care about you.

I would then say first and foremost, procure your basic needs, and then be open to love and happiness. A lot of build up walls so to speak, to avoid being hit at the hardest, sometimes we need to tear them down and take the hit and endure it.

Much love to you brother.

Fuego

10

Condolences for your friend, Mode.

I have dysthymia, which is a constant, low grade depression, and it has been so long, i can barely bring to memory the experience of ‘happiness.’ The only emotions I seem to feel with any strength are anger, and depression.

I have contemplated suicide myself, but something has always stopped me, something inside that says, ‘Fuck that.’ And the funny thing is, the bad thoughts come only when things are puttering along normally, when I am employed, and have food, and a roof over my head. When I was unemployed, and on the brink of starvation, there was this drive to survive that overpowered everything. There was no time for anything else.

All that being said, my main enjoyment comes from exercising my creativity. Writing, performing on stage, drawing. These things make my life livable. Oh, and reading. Lots and lots of reading. I love books, and there have been times when I have spent my only meager dollars on books, instead of food. Something about books just speaks to my spirit in a way that overrides any kind of biological need. I don’t understand how, but they feed me.

Again, my condolences for the loss of your friend.

11

Thank you all :slight_smile:

I really needed to hear from you guys/gals. I went to the viewing tonight…so very sad.

BUT, I am still here and I really liked reading what everyone had to say. This has helped me put some of my own goals into perspective.

Thanks again guys!

12

May your friend rest in peace…

What happiness for me is… It may sound a little sily, but its love. The great form of happiness for me is to find that special someone who makes my heart flutter and gets a silly smile on my face.

THAT is why I’m so into Visual Novels…

Other forms of happiness for me: All other maners of love (friendship, family, etc…), fictional and magickal worlds, I love losing myself in a good anime or book or movie or game…

And being Brazillian, physhical contact, hugs between friends and family.

And sleeping… I love those random dreams and the slopy feeling of being near sleep and awakening in the morning…

13

Mode, missed you man, and I’m sorry to hear about your loss.my thought are that physical pleasures brings comfort, not true happiness. Happiness for me comes from a connection to other people I can help, or who can help me, and a connection to something more (the spiritual realms and entities, and the knowledge they share). That’s juste though. Again, sorry for your loss brother.

14

Happiness, sadness, fear, all those are illusions. Substances produced by the brain as a result of certain neurons firing. A person can change his/her state by simply concentrating. Do not fall prey to your reactions to the outside world.

15

Happiness, sadness, fear, all those are illusions. Substances produced by the brain as a result of certain neurons firing. A person can change his/her state by simply concentrating. Do not fall prey to your reactions to the outside world.[/quote]

To a point, yes. All those feelings are illusions that we subscribe to, but feelings none the less that if we were to not have them, perhaps take away from our humanity and the human experience as a whole. Insiomis, I do like your approach (and Welcome btw to the BALG forum) and dissection of what and where those feelings come. And yes, when it comes down to it, they are just chemicals, neurons, neurotransmitters and a whole mess of bio-chemcial actions and reactions.
Does that mean if I get into a car accident that I shouldn’t feel or react in a manner that will allow my emotions to take over and enrage me? Possibly. Or maybe I use that anger and emotions associated with that incident to fuel a desire to conduct a ritual or a magickal working to benefit my personal needs or to change an outcome of a situation. Point being, we can either accept that these ‘neurochemical’ reactions are superfluous and not subscribe to them and suck it up and tell ourselves that it’s not real or illusionary, or we can use those feelings as ‘fuel’ to push, motivate, and excel (which btw are also feelings/neurochemicals as well) to do wonderful or horrible things for ourselves and/or others.
Mode, sorry that shit went down bad for you friend. I can’t say that I know what that feels like, but I do know that you, I, and everyone else has the power and ability to use that feeling for one’s own growth. Hit me later on PM and let me know how your move went.

16

That’s the same as my point. I didn’t say you can change your state by concentrating, just because I felt the need to say it. Use your brain, do not let yourself be used by it. You are not it.

17

You are not your brain.this single phrase is a hidden truth…

you can’t BE happy,because you allready are something.you are YOU.
you can feel happines,you can feel sad,you can feel everything,but this has nothing to do with who you really are.you are not sad and you are not happy either.it’s your ego who pretends to be you and wants to grab from something (the emotions you are feeling) and feed from them.the ego wants to be YOU…

18

Problem Preface:
Happiness is a state, some call mental state, others, a physiological state. However we are really both of these, and neither. The common experience is that we are that mental/physical and this is the source of all the unhappiness in my experience. These are the medium through which we interface with the world. The confusion of identity with our body/mind left un-examined, creates us as ignorant puppets to our own conditioning. By shifting our awareness and attention to our own minds functioning we can play the role of chooser and master (of interpretations), rather than victim.

Solution Options:

  1. Learn how your minds creates meaning which causes all your emotional states.

  2. Utilize this knowledge to dissolve the negative feeling causing meanings (which are arbitrary).

This is a known science, check into the work of Morty Lefkoe for one.

Also there is some speculation about physiological disorders which may cause depression, these may need to be treated by intervention on a chemical level, such as with diet control, since mood is heavily influenced by the bodies physiology. However my thought is that most of this depression stuff is the result of malfunctioning mental programs… since those who fix (remove) those don’t have the problems anymore.

Many physical sicknesses are also caused by maladaptive behavior patterns such that when the lifestyle such as diet and exercise, etc. are changed the health improves, then that lays a foundation for a healthy body-mind, which makes it easier for the mind to function clearly.

19

[quote=“dron, post:17, topic:3125”]You are not your brain.this single phrase is a hidden truth…

you can’t BE happy,because you allready are something.you are YOU.
you can feel happines,you can feel sad,you can feel everything,but this has nothing to do with who you really are.you are not sad and you are not happy either.it’s your ego who pretends to be you and wants to grab from something (the emotions you are feeling) and feed from them.the ego wants to be YOU…[/quote]

I agree with this. The main problem of depression is caused by a misplaced sense of self-identity being confused with the idea that ‘I am this body/person’, and then inflating the importance of unimportant things. This leads to action decisions which are skewed towards supporting the limited nature and perspective of the person, which only leads to disappointment, since all things change.

If this can be seen and changed, all the problems based on that identity will disappear. This is difficult for many people since it requires them to give up what appears to them to be their entire existence. But it’s only mental and attentional conditioning that keeps them focused in certain ways.

20

[quote=“NariusV, post:19, topic:3125”][quote=“dron, post:17, topic:3125”]You are not your brain.this single phrase is a hidden truth…

you can’t BE happy,because you allready are something.you are YOU.
you can feel happines,you can feel sad,you can feel everything,but this has nothing to do with who you really are.you are not sad and you are not happy either.it’s your ego who pretends to be you and wants to grab from something (the emotions you are feeling) and feed from them.the ego wants to be YOU…[/quote]

I agree with this. The main problem of depression is caused by a misplaced sense of self-identity being confused with the idea that ‘I am this body/person’, and then inflating the importance of unimportant things. This leads to action decisions which are skewed towards supporting the limited nature and perspective of the person, which only leads to disappointment, since all things change.

If this can be seen and changed, all the problems based on that identity will disappear. This is difficult for many people since it requires them to give up what appears to them to be their entire existence. But it’s only mental and attentional conditioning that keeps them focused in certain ways.[/quote]

Agreed.

This is the point of Zen. Lose the ‘ego’, become again that which you are in your natural state, the bigger ‘you’.

I’ve come to the realization that we, in the human form, are like a single red blood cell of a much bigger body.

We make up a part of the body, yet the body makes up all of us. We have the ability to know all that is going on within the body, and even make decisions that influence the entire body.

We can expand, contract, and through symbiosis create our own world inside of the body, thus, we become a new God within a section of the very body we are a part of, taking care of business in that section we have authority over.

We even have a fissiparous nature, able to divide ourselves into new Gods. God births Gods.

Attachment is unhappiness.

The matrix wants you attached, unable to reconnect to the bigger you, stuck in the illusion that the meat is all you are. Let it all go, and become God of your world as you were meant to be…