Was My Ascension a Push or a Pull or a call from A Demon King?

I’ve read many of Your Works thus far…I really need to find this out beyond any questions I’ve had because I can not seem to wrap my head around All I’ve read in The Book Of Azazel mainly because your experiences are so similar to what and how my life has been except The Group Evocation.I haven’t had a more difficult time with anything as much as Meditation.J
Upon Reading and Watching your seminars on said subject…I did not realize I had to find a way to change brainwave functions so easily…However my very personality mimics descriptions of King Belial and I have been seeing his face even longer than my current diving into why or who called whose face was that …Even without barely any knowledge of any Grimoire or many Names,Descriptions,Even without any knowledge that If I could Sync Theta/Gamma brainwaves to FINALLY be able to Open my “Third Eye”.
I’ve seen his face,Felt him Push me and pull to me.I am working and I’ll admit I may not feel as though I have a place for my Temple…meaning a space in my reckoning “Suitable” I have little to no personal space as it is so I have Invoked Belial,Hired Asenath Mason who is one of the most beautiful People I’ve ever spoken with…I was determining what ritual I thought was necessary then was given the answer.Initiation With Belial.I have the tormenting question…as Azazel chose You,Before you had any revelation as described in “Questing After Visions” at all regarding Before your Initiation was recognized and Evocation Of Azazel…(As it is my belief you were initiated and called to Azazel since Birth…mayhap even Before your Birth in this plane)
I am really paying close attention as I’ve had visions my whole life thus far…Being able to see Spirit very Solidly as you mentioned as well as discussion and communication.Somehow or some way My ability to Scry without Evocation slipped from me as if I had a block on my Innate Abilities passed down to me from Both Santeria and Witchcraft…The Dark Arts.Being a Magically Gifted Child as well in that same manner just about…Has instead of initial fear most experience…I’ve been in awe for the better of 12 years because you have helped someone who really needed it…In Finding who I believe initiated Me as well as I am trying to complete that connection to Belial.He connected to me and IS within me even now.That is why I invoked him…so that he’ll work through me to help me find a way to Evoke him and Complete my Initiation as well as my procrastinating nature I couldn’t seem to keep from holding myself back…not sure if fear had something to do with that “Blocked” period of time but Seeing and feeling him from a time before I ever saw his Sigil,And read any descriptions of him apparently unblocked me and something within unlocked even more open.I welcome these.I just need to know what my being physically ill for spurts of time could be about…So I do need to read more tonight.I just really decided that this procrastinating excuse making doesn’t cut anything and I realize I AM currently My Temple.This machinery I fought so much to walk around in…and that I am fighting to open.Thank you always for Everything you have produced thus far.Homelessness had me too…and now I want to become in this realm what I’ve felt pulled and called to do.