*warning* TIFU Magick edition

[Orismen]

If you’re ever looking on the net for Ms. Cleo’s videos (a famous tarot reader in the 1990s) make absolutely certain your safe search is on. Dear gods, I didn’t know there was a porn actress using that name.

But…now I know…

I thought I’d would be fun to have a thread in which we talk about our humorous slip ups in our magical practices. A little bit of levity for us, and maybe a helpful warning for newer magicians. Magic is a serious art and science and often times we forget to laugh at our own slip ups.

So, if a spirit ever had a humorous reply, a alchemical slip up lead to mustard gas, or you’ve found yourself in the triangle rather than the circle, let’s share our stories.

[DarkestKnight]

When I had a dedicated room for my temple, I had just received my bag of copal resin so decided to do an evocation.

I sealed the room, put the tear on the coal…and promptly filled the closed room with so much smoke that I could not see or breathe. lol

I opened the window to air it out, and a few moments later there came a knock on my outside door. It was my neighbors. They had seen the clouds of incense billowing out of the window and thought my house was on fire so they were checking to see if I was okay.

[Ethria]

Was doing a search for a “friend” on google some time ago and I have one thing to say:

When you try to find pictures of a unicorn, make sure you don’t type uniporn…

[Maulbeere]

I find old spells and blinds quite funny. I got a good giggle this week form the Invisibility spell in Grimorium Verum.

You take 7 beans (but you’ll only use 5), put them in a dead mans head, bury it, dig it up, put the beans one at a time in your mouth!.. if you’re not invisible yet put the duds back and let it bake a bit longer.

So glad I’m allergic to beans now.

[anon47923162]

Conjured a rain storm so strong I couldn’t clear it in time to get dinner. Instead I had to have this weird blocky pasta block that was chewy like rubber instead of nice subway sandwich. So yeah got stuck with crappy leftovers because I would have drowned myself if I tried to get food elsewhere.

Created a humonculi and it kept setting my stepfather on fire. It was hilarious but unfortunately at the time I needed him not on fire… but now he has to pay so Mr. Flamey please come back and set him on fire again.

Multiple times blew holes in my astral body playing with varied energies and such.

[Orismen]

I learned the hard way…

Astrological timing: Perfect, late at night with a soft candle glow.
Book of the Arte: Present.
Materia: Primed and ready to be made into a talisman.

Can I read any of my notes or incantations in soft candle light? Nope, didn’t make the letters bold enough, or big enough.

I think I heard the spirits laughing…

[Herbie]

I was in my house in south africa and was doing the ugly stick ritual from Anthology of sorcery 3 in the indoor swimming pool area at about three thirty in the morning and my wife was still in bed at the front of the house asleep I put loads of copal on the brazier and the whole place was full of smoke The only problem was I had to leave the house to dispose of the contents of the ritual and I left the house and set the alarm, unfortunately five minutes after I left, the alarm went off and the armed security turned up woke up my wife told her it appeared that the swimming pool area was on fire would she like him to call the fire brigade … she told him not to worry as it was getting a bit smelly and damp in there and I had just over done it with the inscense and it was not a problem.
I don’t think he believed her as every time I saw someone from security after that they always treated me with caution which was probably because rumour is more powerful than fact, and they had no facts to go on. It’s probably the reason I was never burgled rather than anything magickal but very funny at the time.

[Ethria]

I loooove the old spells! Are always so cheesy! And useful!
Like that one from Aprocalter’s Book of Power: “How to make 2 camels fight”

[Ethria]

Glamour spell to be desirable to every woman:
Take the heart of a virgin pigeon and feed it to a viper. The viper will die. Eventually. Cut the viper’s head, dry it under the sun, crush it into dust and mix it with hemp seed. Then drink it in a glass of a 4 years old wine along with few drops of laudanum.
Please don’t do that

[bunny4cam]

i read this like what lol

[bunny4cam]

my 3 year old can sww demons she tries to sit in while i do my invocations furfur said she was very beautiful and smart all you hear is TTTTTHHHHHAAANNnNKKK yYYYOOOUUUU!!! im like really she hears them too

[Micah]

Dear gods, I didn’t know there was a porn actress using that name

What you don’t know only makes you nut harder

[cyberseeker]

When doing petition spells, use small pieces of paper to burn. You don’t want your bedroom or apartment filled with smoke.

[Huginn]

When you have a angry spirit around put up some protections, scratches from them sting like hell

(Not to say protection all the time is bad)

[Venus]

Oh gosh, that reminds me of the time I did that… of course at the time I didn’t think to make My petition spell on small paper and when I began to burn it the smoke set off the alarm and scared the crap out of me

[randcam]

Hahaha…same here, used too much paper in my petition spell. Luckily there’s no smoke alarm in my office. But getting it to burn up was quite awkward

[DormiensDei]

lights hella candles and burns lavender oil, setting the mood Begin communication and all i hear is whispers until “i dont… but i dont like lavender though” from one of the spirits

[Orismen]

That reminds me of the time I worked heavily with Dantalion. At one point I wanted to influence people into a bidding war for my 4 copies of MTG 's “Mana Drain”

Unsure of how to ask for Dantalion’s help, I decided to explain eBay to the spirit so as to lay the ground work of my request.

A few seconds into my speach I was cut off abruptly with, “Yes, I am familiar with the Internet.”

[The_Seeker]

One time, I requested Asmodeus’s help in making someone’s love life unhappy and unstable. I wrote out this big, dramatic curse, filled with metaphors and hyperbole. When I started to read it off to him during the evocation, he interrupts me and goes “please stop with that shit and just tell me what you want me to do to him.” I’d spent like ten minutes perfecting the wording of this curse and Asmodeus essentially told me to shove it. I was a bit deflated.

As a side note, since I’ve cursed the guy he’s not been able to keep a girl for more than about two weeks and has had at least one major pregnancy scare. Hail Asmodeus!

[anon88243269]

I did a big ritual with Lucifer with my black altar cloth, incense cones and Petition and candles.

I had just finished and decided to leave the candles burning until over and go onto the internet in another room.

About 20 mins later, I heard a voice in my head I recognise as Lucifer say in the most droll and sarcastic manner possible ‘your altar is on fire’

It was , my cones had fallen over and burnt through the black cloth and was just getting going.

I apologised ,but was really thrilled he had spoken to me despite being a total klutz.