Want to hear a real life joke?

General Discussion
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One of those “stranger then fiction” things as they say. A couple of years ago I was one of those “learning from the bookstore” fledgling web and software developers trying to get my foot in the door straight out of tech boot camps and in need of experience. After a while of getting a few short term, less then a years worth contract here and there gigs. I was in need of getting something longer term to put on my resume to be taken seriously.

So I did what I did best, roled up my selves and started doing some prosperity magic in the night and interviewing and practice interviews and the like during the day. After a few months of nothing sticking and everything from mantras to candle magic, and starting to get tired of the seemingly wrote response of “just hang in there and keep calm and carry on” from my Right Hand Constituents. I decided to try something different.

I was starting to dip into the Left Hand path ever so much by then, and had gotten a weird message or two of the Supernatural variety, so I said Screw it, and asked Lucifer for help. And thus I did a ritual.

(Here comes the punchline)

I worked and worked well, under a week in fact. But the thing was I got a job in the IT department of one of those “MegaChurches”. Yes the ones where you “sow your financial seed” and maybe one day your debt magically disappears, and the preacher has his own private jet, for “delivering the kingdom word to people of course”.

Of course by this stage in life I have a few Judeo-Christon shaped chips on my shoulder, and the irony of the situation doesn’t escape me. And when the head preacher guy rants stuff about “how the kingdom will take over the earth”, “taking the ‘strongman’s’ stuff”, and “sneaking into the ‘enemies’ camp” I mentally face palm myself with how absurd the setup all is.

But if nothing else I am a professional and work hard enough to do a good job, have work experience under my belt now, and actual benefits for the first time in a long time. My friends have no end of LoLz over it. I channel Lucifer at least once a week over lunch break as a way of thanks.

C’est la vie.

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This certainly warmed the cockles of my heart.

Devotee of Lucifer, in the middle of the den of real iniquity. (Jesus and the moneychangers comes to mind.)

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It’s “stranger than fiction.”

And what’s the name of this church? You might actually be among friends.

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I always thought that dude Creflo Dollar was a joke. And that Joel “Mr. Perfect Teeth” Osteen guy.

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Indeed, to clarify I personally don’t have any beef with Jesus, nor unlike Lilith and the Infernal Queens am I fully devoted to Lucifer. Of course I’ve asked him why here and why me. Something to the tune of spreading energy by my presence in a hollow place. I mean company policy is no pictures of Jesus and little to no crosses. Odd for a “Church” but they will use the word “faith” like it’s going out of style. And as for me, because he could, the opportunity was wide open, and because he said it was about like a loose cannon since he knows my temper enough to get sparked when the “good reverend” spouts stuff like, “taking over the world, because only we know best”, or us vs them mentality like “the devil has dominion over the world and everyone not in the kingdom. If they don’t fully support you in the kingdom you don’t need them in your life.” Or makes mockery of Trans-gen and other orientations of which I have friends in insulting their representation and rights to marriage and not being harassed, or spreading paranoia about “witchcraft, Occult powers, and the Illuminati being the only reason the kingdom doesn’t own the world yet”.
Times like that I am “inspired” to let loose more infernal energies.

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I did notice a “strange coincidence” that a lot of his MegaChurch friends has money related nick names. Bill, Cash, Dollar. Funny enough I was looking up info for one of our projects and came across the John Oliver video on Predatory Church Seed operations featuring a mentor of the figure head here.
Plus the big cheese always brags about formerly being a “Top Salesman at IBM”, and is married to a former speech pathologist that all plus the opioid of religious rhetoric, doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that something suspicious, something with major tax exemptions, is up.

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How do you know which ritual produced that result ?

Sometimes it may take awhile for a ritual to get you what you want…so how do you know that the result you received at the end, was from Lucifer’s ritual, and not from the rituals you performed way before you contact him ?

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Man, I really wanna check out this church.

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Maybe, maybe not. There are a lot around here that drink heavily of the Kool-aid. Though sometimes I do suspect there might be some “shadowy cabal” lurking in the wings here.

It would explain the strange aura, vibes, or whatever eminating off of Bill Winston that one time I met him in person here in Tuskegee Alabama. And he’s got centers abroad in Canada and Africa too.

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Yeah dude. Some of those guys are totally brothers in arms. They just wear different hats.

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A fair question. And aside from asking the one who got me the gig, to which he has confirmed it. There was at least a two month window between using the other methods and the infernal option. It happened 3 days after the latter.

Also there is one more peice of the story, a part that if I heard it on the web somewhere I would of chalked it up to a “Creepy Pasta” or other wild imaginings.

I haven’t had much in the way of supernatural experiences to which I couldn’t explain, a Faye ring of mushroom that popped out of nowhere once, a (very unimpressive) Ghost I saw with one of those cheap-o wal-mart night vision goggles, but this one happened sometime before I did the ritual to get this job.

I had a junk old lab top Windows XP computer that I was using for study while a better one was being assembled and shipped. It had been a long day and to unwind I was working on my ritual tool of my penticle. Per my usual I was playing YouTube music playlist, and being an old computer it would freeze up and take a minute or two to load between pages. As well I was too suborn to install a pop up blocker and by the time the page fully loaded the add was usually over anyway. But that night something odd happened, in place of the usual stupid add for Insurence of what ever movie, creepy voice said something to the following “666 the mark of the beast. To many it brings fear due to ignorance, but to those that use and understand it’s power a life of prosperity and pleasure awaits.”

I was spooked that night and did extra banishings and the like before heading to bed. And I was leery to use that computer much after that waiting for the new ont to come in. Nor was I able to rationalize it away, I seriously doubt YouTube had a random Satanic add to put in the middle of smooth jazz playlist. But I heard it over my headphones clear as day. And I never forgot. Things got tough. Months of filling out applications and tweaking resumes that got me no where. Just not enough experience. Nerve racking interview after interview, the same wrote words everyone said when I expressed my frustration, “shotgun approach”, “just keep trucking”, “something will turn up eventually”. Eventually it got to the point of thinking “well this job hunt is hellish, perhaps I should just ask the ruler of Hell for help…”

And so I took the leap, did the ritual, and got the job. I had been in contact with Lilith and the like for a bit by this point but mostly just to experience her energy and gain wisdom and the like. But this was my first big infernal ritual to acolmplish something “less abstract”. After getting over the initial irony of the situation, I was pissed. I had enough Judeo Christian cross shaped chips on my shoulder to fill a Lays Sour Cream and Onion party size bag, but growing up an “odd bird with less traditional views and values” in the Bible Belt can do that to you.

But in time, working hard to improve my career and technical skills, as well as getting beinfits, I have come to greatly appreciate it and and the one who gave me this opportunity.

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