I haven’t written in a little while, and am still more or less on hiatus, but I want to write a candid entry.
Asmodeus had been throwing overt signs for a while; I’d see his name popping up everywhere. Even in the most unexpected of places, like running into someone whose handle was “Asmodeus” while playing video games, or researching DnD character races and finding the option of “Bloodline of Asmodeus” as a subrace of Tiefling. And of course, all over BALG.
Not exactly subtle, but I respect the persistence.
So the first time I spoke with him was using a modified version of DoM’s second ritual. I didn’t record much of the experience in writing afterwards but it was a pleasant connection and conversation.
Normally I’m quite on the prudish side when it comes to relaying conversations or effects of rituals, things like that, because I personally am not a fan of — how do I put this? — of mixing lurid smut with the rituals I do or the entities I work with. I certainly don’t judge other people for wanting it or seeking it or writing about it, but it’s simply not my modus operandi to mix descriptions of horny sex romps with descriptions about the work I do. But again, I’m just going to speak candidly. (And let me begin first by saying there were actually no horny demon sex romps involved, and this is never something I’ve personally ever sought out.)
Asmodai, in his evocation keys and his presence in general, has the effect of rousing lust and passion. So, this is what I felt most strongly in his presence. When we spoke — well, the main reason I wished to call on him was to assist me in increasing my ability in something to a level thought previously unattainable. So in particular, I asked him to help me develop my skills in manifesting, and even more particularly, in areas of lust and passion, and attracting specific people.
The Law is the major underpinning of my work, and I’ve mostly been focused on that. For a few months now I feel like I’ve reached a new level of sorts. I can see the clear difference in mindset between my past self — struggling to understand, to master, to control, questioning everything, wondering if I was doing things correctly or incorrectly. These days my mindset really embodies a marked lack of attempt to control, question, or forcibly master anything. And the question of understanding… well, that can only really build on itself over time. I don’t need to be a physics major to understand that if I drop an object from my hand it will fall directly downwards, but I can trust and rely on and assume that this effect will occur every time. So, much the same with my understanding of the Law. It works regardless.
Said mindset predated my speaking with Asmodeus, but has continued much the same since. It has become much easier to simply decide what I want and allow it to happen. It has robbed me somewhat of the dubious thrill found in reading others’ success stories with the Law. I don’t require the testimonial or reassurance of others. I am content simply being. I am more patient.
So. I had another session with Asmodai a few days after the first, and it was much the same. I do enjoy his energy.
After the first time I called on him, the most dramatic thing I noticed was physiological changes. Basically — I felt that lustful became my default state of being. For one, despite the fact that my menstrual cycle has remained exactly on schedule, physically speaking, my mood and my body were not taking the usual path. So, despite being technically past certain markers in menstrual cycle, physically my body did not follow the rules, and nor did my mood or mentally. I mean, to the point of stupid things, like, I’d see a random male coworker stand up and stretch thoroughly and languorously with a satisfied groan, and I’d immediately be wondering if that noise had any resemblance to how he’d sound in bed. I’d be set off into wanton fantasy by the slightest, most inconsequential things like that.
That’s what I mean by speaking candidly.
As usual, my menses exactly coincided with the date of the new moon. And yet my body and mind have simply… applied the aura of Asmodai’s energy over the mundane physicality of my body.
The funny thing is that it sent me into overdrive, and then things took a rather unexpected turn.
Before I go on let me call back to what I mentioned earlier about my use of the Law. I’d decided that I’m ready for a relationship. I decided I’m worthy of love and able to accept and return it. I decided on it with no conditions, was satisfied with knowing that whatever I desire is already mine, and moved on to think of other things, not worried about how or when or why this would resolve itself in my world.
Asmodeus is thought of as a lord of lust, and certainly I would not disagree with that. His energy undoubtedly set me firmly into a frenetic state of lust. Nothing destructive, and not even necessarily anything that required outward expression. Just placed me into that state of being.
And then, while I was existing in lust, I found something deeper, that easily surpassed it.
Patterns and events only really make themselves apparent in hindsight. So I can look back now and trace with amusement the events that brought me to where I am now.
Many years longer in the making that I had thought might be possible. When I think of the lust I expended — or the lust that I’d convinced myself was, or could be, something more — I just think it led me to where I am now. Which is, in short, deeply and solidly entrenched in the early, puppy-dog stages of love and infatuation and starry-eyed obsession and idealisation.
I say it’s the early stages, but really it is no more than the past and its inevitability finally catching up with me and being expressed. Long-held, long-repressed feelings. And it’s all mutual. And I find myself feeling HAPPY, feeling more content and more hopeful and more at peace than I can remember feeling for a long time.
The titular Lord of Lust is more than just lord of lust. Lord of passion and expression, rather. The ripping, tearing, clawing, consuming — consummation — hah — the incredible desire to crawl completely inside of someone, mind, body, and soul, and knowing that every last flicker of feeling is returned exactly in kind.
So. That is where I am right now.
And I extend my love and blessings to anyone reading this.
Especially my dear friends who shed their time, blood, sweat, words, feelings, and tears for me. You know who you are
Until next time BALG