Victims of Sexual Assault

During my travels around on here I have come across quite a few people who were assaulted as adults or children. I thought it might be good if we had a thread so that those of us with personal experiences would have a place to share and talk and have some support. My own story isn’t too far different from a lot of others.
I was 3 to 4 years old when it happened. Man staying next door. I won’t go into details but I was fortunate enough to block it out for 10 years. Looking back this may have also been the point at which I lost some of my ability with things we talk about on here. I can tell you the day it came back to me was traumatic. It was the smell of an aftershave that triggered the memories.
Do you ever get over what happened, no. All you can do is learn to live with what you experienced. I was 14 when I remembered. It was more than 10 years after that before I got to the point I was ok with being touched by people.
I will never know how much of an effect those incidents in childhood had on me. You don’t trust anyone. How much of an effect did it have on my sexuality? I don’t really have any male friends at all, only women. How much did it screw up my life? Is it the reason I have so much trouble with self confidence despite everything I have done to fix it?
Over 36 years after it happened it still affects me. It always will. I do what I can to help others but even my family have not been told. Consent is everything and a child can not consent. No means no. No matter when it is said.
If you have been a victim, there are avenues for help these days. Special support for victims. Ask for help. Talk to someone who is trained to help and can offer you ways to help deal with what you are going through. Don’t just bottle it all up because it damages you for years after.
Be aware there are those of us out there who have gone through this. They may seem strong or cold or distant but it may be a very thin facade and it doesn’t take much to break it. If someone you know seems to be having a bad day, ask them “Are you ok?”. You never know how just something that seems insubstantial to you can be big enough to crack that facade.
For me, it was someone today who broke mine. I am ok but it’s a sensitive subject understandably. I try to compensate with false bravado which can push the envelope sometimes but it’s just a thin veneer and it comes down so easily.

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I was assualted twice. Once when I was nine by someone trusted (not family) and once again several months ago by a man I didn’t know. I was also taken advantage of when I was sixteen and drunk (blacked out) but my friends prevented it from going too far. It truly does fuck you up for life but you came work around and through the trauma with that help of friends, family (if you trust them), therapy (if it helps you), and of course spirits whom can help you get revenge as well as heal from the trauma. Each time it happened it rocked my world out of place and even now after my most recent attack, my life is in shambles but I’m working through it and using it to empower me in an alchemical sense.

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@Shadowmage Also, I appreciate you making this thread and for sharing your story. I can relate to each aspect of your experience and I sympathize and empathize with you.

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hugs You are safe here

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mine was my former step brother. I dealt with this for 7 years. It was a living hell but with the help of Lord Lucifer im going to destroy him. I was 6 when it started. It lasted until i was 13. I begged for help and my own father didnt believe. Im taking him down a piece at the time as well. I swear that they will feel the pain that i still live with. I used to blame myself because i thought he just knew i was gay but as a 29 year old i call bull on that. Im sorry for what you went through brother. You can pm me if you need to talk. That goes for anyone.

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No one here knows. I just knew I wouldn’t be believed and besides he moved away. I still live right next door to where it happened. I got past all of it but some things just set it off.

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April is sexual assault awareness month

Yeah i really do get that. Im past it. I just (as a taurus) hold a really solid grudge. Now he has kids and one feels the need to worry for them too. I will be honest. You are stronger than me. I couldnt live right by the places where it happened.

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I was by a relative on Christmas, I thought I knew which Uncle it was but now i am not sure. I was assaulted a few years later and the guy said he was going to kidnap me - I ended up beating him with a stick screaming at him when I was 10. At 13 a teacher groped me, I ended up punching him, a classmate saw the situation so it was not my imagination. After my grandfather died he was in contact with a medium and he told her to tell my aunt everything… My mom finally said oh she was not lieing. I think that was what fucked me up more that my own mom did not listen to me.

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Unfortunately it’s common that kids do not get believed. I couldn’t even tell you how many times. It doesn’t matter how old you are if you are young and smaller there is only so much you can do.

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This was my song as a child… - https://youtu.be/V9AbeALNVkk

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I’ve been molested when I was younger by someone trusted, All I remember was he had a mustache. All other memories are blocked. Age 6-10.

My cousin was molested by an older boy right in front of me, and I stood there helpless and powerless and was blamed for it occurring.
I was drunk at Oktoberfestband was drunk and passed out on the ground, and apparently three college kids fucked my ass. Went to hospital and sent clothes to Michigan State Police and basically told by all involved I imagined it. In my early forties when it occurred.

A roommate molested me, and several others in my hood, my only difference was I didn’t smoke crack offered to me, others did and got molested. A few months back.

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I have found out couple days ago that I a wide energetic wound at my pelvic area due to sexual trauma when I was molested at age 16-17. It really sucks because constantly getting crying spells and keeping grudges really damages oneself. More than 5 guys molested me and not only that I’ve been lied to, set up and constantly gotten hurt in the past. I’m afraid having intimacy in the future will cause me to back away from it and ruin the relationship.

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Hugs

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I was lucky to have been unexposed as a child, as far as I know, and I escaped a hairy situation as a teen involving a man on the side of the road with a tire iron wanting me to get in the car and show him my chest, and potentially knock me upside the head and rape me. I acted like I was going to comply, then ran to the car and drove away without him. But as a young adult at a party, a “friend” drugged me and took me into a back room. I only remember it in flashes because I was going in and out of consciousness. I remember trying to hit him because I felt disrespected. I also remember I wore shorts under my skirt die to paranoia about predators like that. So I hope he didn’t get too far into what he was doing before other people at the party checked up on me. They carried me to the house and sat me in front of the AC and put ice cubes in my hands because I was burning hot with fury, and crying furious tears. I wasn’t even sure of what happened, but I was angry.

I’ve known at least two men who were molested as children. The abuser of one died some time back and was the son of someone who helped raise him, so he had the added trauma of feeling like he couldn’t destroy the memory of his beloved guardian’s dead son. :frowning:

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I think you should head up an April Healing. I dont know how you would go about this but I feel its going to be a beautiful thing to create and also be part of. I believe you have a grand arena of supporters…
If not sooner… Like Valentines Day…

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we have a break on the 13/14 on our other projects so we could give a lil love to our wounded child…

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When I was about 4 a perv lined me and my three siblings up across the couch, had us pull down our clothes and finger fucked our butts telling us he was “taking our temperatures”. When I was 8 my step grandfather started touching me. He was my step mother’s step father but I called him Papa and that’s the position he had in my life. “Nanny” ( step mother’s mom) would sleep in the couch and force me to sleep in the bed with him. When I was 11 I started noticing that he was at least “prepping” my younger sister so I got over the fear and told the cops. Both of them got away Scott free. “Papa” had actually been convicted of molesting a five year old before he got to me. After that I had a series of unhealthy relationships, probably due to that as well as being abandoned by my biological mother and abused by both my father and the aforementioned step mother. I like to think that I’m much better now. I’m in a happy marriage where I’m treated very very very well and have a beautiful 1 year old son. He is healthy and happy and soooo sweet. I’m not far from finishing my degree. Anyone out there who is struggling with the effects of abuse, it can and will get better. You do not have to become one of those statistics of people who go through these things and end up with drug problems or continue the cycle. You were a victim, but you can choose to be a survivor and forge yourself in steel from the fires of your torment. Stay strong loves.

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