I have used magick and various occult means to deal with abusive relatives, workplace bullies, and patients who got physically and verbally aggressive if I didn’t give them the meds they wanted (I work in healthcare.) Mostly just banishing to drive someone out of my life, but I have cursed as well. That’s pretty much how I started on the occult path in the first place- I grew up in a family with an alcoholic, mentally ill parent and had no other way to stop what that person and other family members were doing to me, especially when years of therapy helped me realize what was happening and that I had been placed in the role of “family scapegoat” from the time I was young. (Adult Children of Alcoholics would know what I’m talking about.) I’ve felt like a doormat for most of my life, and thanks to magick I don’t feel helpless when someone tries to push me around. However, even though I’m in a much better place and I don’t feel like a victim anymore, I still have times when I feel eaten up by anger and hate, and have recurrent fantasies of what I’d like to do to people who have hurt me in the past, even when it’s been years since I last saw them and they’re not likely to cross paths with me ever again. Therapy and meds didn’t help-tried those for years.
I’ve tried soul retrievals and shamanic healing, which helped a little bit. The anger is still there.
I’ve actually done past life regressions on myself, and had clear visions of at least three or four past lives where I was an actual witch or sorceress- a young woman who used occult means to retaliate against those who hurt her. (I am a gay man.)
One past life was a young girl who got Carrie-like revenge on a mixed group of boys and girls at school who bullied her for years-some kind of storm or flood hit the whole town and caused a lot of damage to innocent bystanders that she didn’t intend. One was a woman in New Orleans who used hoodoo and conjuring to make her ex-lover go bankrupt after he did something degrading to her -I’m not sure what. One was a woman with a domineering, emotionally abusive mother who stopped her from marrying the man she loved and forced her to stay at home and be a caretaker and unpaid servant until the mother died.
I received an impression during this regression that this was pretty common- for women to pretend to abide by the laws and religious practices of the dominant culture they lived in and to practice magick in secret when they had no other way to fight back against someone physically stronger or people who had all the power and legal/social support that they lacked.
I asked my highest self for guidance, and found myself doing some automatic writing- this is common for me. I find my subconscious pouring itself out onto the page when I try doing a lot of creative writing in my spare time. This story came out about an old man, a “mad wizard” type like Alan Moore, telling me that I had a purpose and that it was necessary for people who were familiar with both light and dark magic to “step up to the plate and do what needs to be done” and that genuine occultists were needed who weren’t afraid to strike back against those who would oppress them or cause them harm. Some of my previous incarnations showed up as characters on the page, particularly the first young girl- telling me that they wanted me to be selfish -to stop caring about being nice or good and to never be a victim again and to do what was needed to make sure all my inner selves could live happily and that others like me could live in peace too.
I really just want a quiet, peaceful life- I’m willing to defend myself if others try to push me around, but I don’t want to spend my life being consumed in bitterness and anger. The bullies aren’t there anymore, I’ve reconciled with some family members and distanced myself from others, and I’m in a position where I’m establishing a reasonably successful independent life where I am not controlled or stepped on by other people. Every so often I have recurrent thoughts of people who hurt me in the past and the anger comes flooding back.
Any advice on dealing with bottled up anger from multiple acts of bullying, harassment and abuse? Therapy and meds were already tried for years. I’ve learned that cursing can end up harming the one who casts it as well as the intended target. Many of these people are far away from me now and I’m not likely to ever see them again. What I would really like is to establish a life where I can be completely happy, independent and fully self-realized, and move on completely from everything that happened in the past. I still want to pursue an occult path, but not one where I feel like I’m in some kind of lifelong war against everyone who ever wronged me or might try to harm me in the future.
