An update & A thank you and Its long so buckle up. Sorry. I did this on my phone so i apologize in advance.
I want to thank everyone, from the commenters to the ass kickers to the advice givers. I don’t know where I would be if I had not found BALG. Lost. For sure. I never fit in anywhere before.
I grew up Evangelical Christian. Jean dresses, no make up. The whole bit and hated every moment. Exorcisms (6 or so) at Jesus camp. Threats of the old stake burning were so common I am sure there is a witches pole-with my name on it- somewhere.
I was repeatedly stripped and searched by church elders looking for the tit of Satan or some such nonsense or a tattoo indicating my membership in a cult. I mean, a cult other than the one I was … already… in… you know. I never had choices. Sexual abuse. Assaulted. Beaten. I tried to run but programing is a powerful thing. I never had choices. About anything. The most edgy thing I did was go to theological school (I’m a girl so… as I do not have a penis… I was generally not allowed an opinion. Women ate still, not accepted,in those circles) I was a troublemaker. I asked too many questions and was thrown out! However, not before I could do 2 tours as Chaplain at the V.A. hospital. That was tough. Probably the roughest thing I’ve ever done but I wanted to serve those who served because I didn’t get to. I wasn’t allowed.
Then I got sick.
I’m still sick. The doctors don’t know why. They cant figure me out.
Bad things seemed to follow me. My 2 autistic boys (lol now men. Wow) were the bright spot. Their dad tried to “beat them right”. The police never helped. Courts blame the victims. Hes still at large so i cant say much about it. Just that we got used to being hurt. Bad thing after bad thing over and over.
Being adopted, you never quit know where you fit. Your birth family doesn’t know you like they know each other. I got lucky that way, they are all really wonderful people. I just feel… outside. I can’t explain it. My adoptive family is white lol I’m native American…. So… I always knew something wasn’t right. They’re so cute.
After one too many bad things, I cracked. And, like any obviously sane person would, I did the only thing I could think of in the midst of a mental breakdown…….reach out to you. And you answered. And by answering you set me on a path that has in short order changed my life and the life of my kids.
I literally did everything you suggested. Cohzier saved my life. I’m convinced of it. As soon as I started caring his sigil and evoking him life…. eased up. The bad things just kind of slowed down. I’ve got his sigil on the back of my phone so I always have him. In my left pocket we have shared meals, and I’ve definitely been happy to have him.
I’ve also gotten to know King Paimon. Not as well as I’d like to know him but, it’s a work in progress. I asked him to help me make art my job. 3 days later I was asked to provide art for an auction autistic kids. I did around 30 paintings in about a month and a half. And about 10 kid paintings with the kids. My son did 6 himself. I had access to hundreds of dollars worth of supplies and all I did was eat, sleep and paint. I learned to paint birds and draw faces 2 things I could never do before. I’ve grown exponentially as an artist in the last few months thanks to him.
And an example of bad being turned around? I like to use my yard to grow herbs, food and essentials! The city really hates that. Well, a year ago they would have just given me a 260$ ticket. This time, they give me 5 days to cut the “grass”, which just hurts and I feel is an insult although, there is one section of grass that could use a trim. I don’t even own a lawn mower. I didn’t know what to do so I decided I guess I need a lawn mower but I cant afford one. I don’t know what the word is, but one has been delivered to me. Free of charge and brand new.
I’m no longer on the edge, hanging, holding on by my nails for dear life. My sons have admitted to me that they have heard someone calling to them for a very long time but the didn’t know what to do with it. Meditation is a thing here now. We watch the BALG videos and discuss them together. They are learning to control their lives and have choices that I never had.
I can never thank you enough for that. Ever.
I have to stop and say a special thank you to (you know what I’m going to say lol) LADY EVA!! the (my night your day) nights that you talked to me. The advice you gave and continue to give. You will probably never know how many people you have helped. Even posts that are years old are still helpful and amazing.
And thank you to Mr. E. A. Koetting for starting this forum I don’t know where I world be without it. Seriously, from the bottom of my beaten, band-aid riddled soul. Thank you.
AND to the others of you who have become my friends. Your messages of encouragement, instruction and occasional ass kicks are special to me and I appreciate them.
I know no one may ever see this. But I wanted to put it out into the universe. Thank you.
Ok. That’s all I have to say. You can leave now.