Unsorted stuff that went on

So, today i wanted to send off a sigil -but i was smart enough to put the intent of drawing from cosmic but also earthly currents, so i wouldnt depend just on my own strength.

Just in case, i called Shaytan -but he told me, that this was kind of redundant. ~He also was not a huge fan of the amount of light that was with me, but he noticed my heart of chaos. I quickyl explained that i simply had no dark alternatives for certain things, and with all the confusion just had to use what was available.

He took it as me running back to momma light, or thats how i interpreted his response? idk.

He also appreciated the gesture of me using old tongues, but he said that i shouldnt shy away from latin, qliphotic and enochian phrases. He said that i should be careful with old paths, becaus they can become overgornw with weeds. Or like rivers, they might be older, but the stream holds less and less water.
He encuraged me to venture into popular but potent streams of our current time.

Also, he said i could next time, i wanted to draw from his current, just say “by the grace of shaytan” or something like that, if the purpose is sufficiently aligned. So im supposed to jsut add such phrases instead of callign him up, he doesnt like people wasting his time. ~But he wasnt mad, he even added some of his oompfs to it and went off.

After dealign with so many pretendious eggregores, actually dealing with gods is…interesting. ~Gods seem generally more profressional, forgiving and tend to be less hostile. Sicne they dont need to show off. Makes sense, with them comign from realms of abundance of whatever natures they prefer.

3 Likes

Been chanting my ass off ,and this is just the beginning.
~Been studying some shit, and learned of japanese (not buddhist) phrases to purify one’s self, but also to reach one’s own higher self. “Jirei”.

But also went a bit crazy with indian shit, those chakra seeds.
It seems to help with the sudden depression that plagues me, although, i dont really like depending on it, since i spend quite a lot of time chanting, just to feel somewhat normal again.

2 Likes

Had a dream, and some rather in-organic but insightful thoughts came up after the dream.

The original light and darkness is merely action and reaction. Thats it. Nothing else to them. No hate, no holiness no deathly predatorial behavior.

At the beginning, it was just the chaos, bringing forth the two children. ~OUR concept of light and darkness, in OUR realm, has little to do with that.

With light being this healing peaceful force, and the darkness all about death, transformation, desire and aggression.

Those notions feel now even less real, than this reality already is.

So “the way” is not peace, but to strike at invididuals, not entire archetypes/races/kinds. The way is to attack or defend in relation to your postion and/or desire, and not to get confused.

It seems like, in the beginning, there were just those 3 forces. Chaos, action and reaction.

It reminds me to sun tzu, and how he said, that there are only the direct and indirect ways of attack, and the endless combinations made up of those two.

Our perception of these original forces, seem endlessly confused, as we associated them with night and day in our world, and what those bring with them. Thereby creating false mental images.

i have been thinking about what this man taught.
i dont fully agree with him though.

2 Likes

When i called up Shaitan yesterday, he said that “the devil’s quran” was NOT instructed by him. He stated none of him is within that book HOWEVER- he also stated that this book isnt all bad, and can be utilized to motivate the person to reach out to him.

So, its not the truth, but it is a sort of canvas, for your own path, if you so wish to tread it there.

Akin to how we cant be sure, that all myth really had any physical or spiritual reality to them. ~Nonetheless, stories can inspire, motivate, guide.

Anyway. Shaitan doesnt hate that book, but will seemingly only tollerate it, IF people make effort to reach out for him, and dont just stick to it.

3 Likes

Frustrating confusion about truth and shinto.

-MI (which is the core of the long ass name for the source AND essence of all life)
-HI/BI (which is fire, sun spirit, etc)
-CHI (which is the spirit soul of the nature spirit)

MI brought forth TAKAMIMUSUBI (TAKA) but also KAMIMUSUBI (KAMU)

Taka = yang
kamu= yin
taka and kamu formed the core of MI

-which is already a problem.
Because it was jsut stated that MI brought them forth, not the other way around.
ALSO, to make it even worse
CHI is considered EQUAL to HI and MI
…how???
if MI is the soruce, then what comes after HAS to be inferior
but apparently its not
…wtf
ALSO, it is said that everything is KAMI
ok… but here the problem:
if even stones and animals are part of kami
-then so are rapists, the concepts and materials of guns and the flesh and spirit of demons
-cause, “its all KAMI” (=_= ’ ')
but the same time they still favor the cuddly, loving “bright” and “straight” parts of KAMI
siiiiiigh.
MONO = “spirit soul in its effects and character”
MONONOKE= energy of wicked tohughts and spirits

this all confuses me.

Because, i try to determin what is right.
What is truth.
~my ideal of the “wholeness”
or do i gotta go full into shinto-style holy-ness
(holy=/=whole)
OR, third option
i go back to my old believes and state that darkness is the origin of everything ,and doesnt needs light.
A believe that is pretty much what the path of smoke is abouth.
Its also weirdly frsutratign to read.
~Like, light by itself says that its about being, it jsut exists, it reacts and doesnt need to do anything.
But the ahrimanian people say, that light needs darkness as fuel.
and that light is lesser.
But also, it would make sense if darkness was slightly younger than light, IF you take into account that darkness is about action and light about reaction.
But then, it would mean darkness is inferior.
~you see my dilemma? both sides use logic to their fullest.
But what does logic mean, if nothing but a chain of "this has to be"s

logic is useless if the base assumption is wrong.

~just look at “christian truthers” or “christian scientists” or all the conspiracy people, to see the truth of that statement.

Logic is such a liar.

2 Likes

which is actually a topic on its own.
Cause shinto is different than ALL the others “more light” paths i have encountered so far.

There are no “bad parts” about people. Just confusions and inpurities, which can be gotten rid off by washing, various exercises and a certain way of life.

So “sin” doesnt really translate into shinto.

Also, it is stated that people when they die as someone who was “wicked” in life, still go through purificaiton processes.

The whole concept of the “one spirit and 4 souls” makes shinto for me, so far very unique, and if i could only choose from among the paths that are more “light” in character, then i would go for shinto.

Also, what confuses me about shinto, is that…“bad behavior” and energy comes from confusions, twistedness or over-abundance or lack on at least one of those 4 souls.

So that IF thats true, than all darkness as interpreted by humanity, would be caused by a sort of ailment, rather than nature or character.

idk.

This all bothers me quite a bit.
~i wish to gain “whole-ness” which means that i would be more akin to the source kami, which means that i can have cuddles and picnics in cute little gardens, but also go out and slaughter.
–Formulated in the symbolism of the video below, which i tihnk really catches well my ideal of holeness, at least partially.

This also fits with Jack Donovan’s idea of natural masculinity and tribal mentality.

Aligned with what i thought of being this idea, that…
-you treat your own with love
-you treat everyone else in any way you like :smiling_imp: :black_heart:

A simplistic, and in a tribal setting very productive mindset.

I learned early, that you cant starve the inner beast or wahsh.
-try to suppress sexualtiy and it coems back up
-try to be all peaceful and you feel like something is lacking

So naturally, one should just rearrange and refocus those parts of one’s self, so they wont clash and contradict one another.

2 Likes

Look at Ze-us, guy depicted in flowing white cloth and radiance, yet he fucks any mortal that has tits, and also doesnt shy away from pedophilia.

Or Janus, who is like the “go-to” example of this.

Or Susano, who is even by cuddly shinto priests respected, even though we would consider him a loveable dark bastard :heart:

Or lets think of Odin, who is a wise ruler but also a ecstatic warrior.

Or Ishtar and Ashtaroth. Ishtar byhself was already a very multifacetted individual, since she is a usurper. A ambitious bitch to be admired and respected.

3 Likes

Why all this favortism in the first place???

In animism, and in native-african spirituality, they dont even have such concepts for the most part.

The gods/spirits are just more or less violent/aggressive, but they all are mean sons of bitches if they want to be, or get roused to anger.
~Each and everyone of them.

1 Like

My loved ones, dead.
A friend called Belial to rid me of parasites.
I cant say that she is without bias, sicne she is literally fucking angels,
but so far, there was not yet a substantual reason to discredit her words. ANYWAY…

She called up Belial to clean me up. Also she said that her spirits told her to drop me “like a hot potato” -literal quote. Also she stated, that my familiars are jsut parasites, who she asked,and asked spirits, and the familiars were never helping me -if following her statement. Said they only saw me as food.

I dont know if that is true, but there were indicators for all of that.
-Parasites, despite having security and defensive systems. Always.
-Always excuses, easy explainations.
-Making fun of me but also stroking my ego.
-Being present, too easily reachable, like they never left.
-Overly dependant and demanding of sweets and meaty foods.

Belial? described me how i looked like a corpse filled with “wires and tubes”, sia that i was like a hollowed out corpse. I think anothr spirit said that my “protective bubble” was actually a prison, hindering my escape and magic. ~Like a stomach. And i was being digested.

Trust issues:

Now, i have 1.5-1.85 friends.

(1) This one told me that my familiars were not who they said they were. But she also has a thing for sexual submisison, and has decent capacity for manipulation.

(“2”) this one, is worse than me and my friend.
Sadism, enjoyment of enslavement, manipulation and hurting others, spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally.

Friend 1 thinks friend 2 is more powerful than me and 1 combined.
Idk if that is true.

Both offer plenty of reason to distrust.
Both have the capacity for malevolence -me too.

Friend 2 is unlike. For her it seems impossible to distinguish between friends and foes -she seems eager to hurt anyone.

Whilst i look for a island, a family -people i can trust and loving towards. And be a monster to outsiders. As i tried and failed to starve that darker part of me out. It is a part of me. Is me.
~I can use that bright-japanese stuff for a while, but even when i turn radiant like a tenshi, i wont turn into a saint, and dont try to be.

What im trying to say. I might be a shitty person, or just boring sometimes. But not all of it is my fault, and im trying to fix things.
~but those spiritual and physical, can not always be trusted as well.

I feel, like im attracting the wrong people and spirits.
Im trying to fix myself and my life.

1 Like

here is another reason, of how you can know that you are just filled up with parasites:

they prefer to have you call them up and eat food through you, isntead of just placing it, like one would do for proper spirits.
Why? They kept saying “its for communion”…yeah…right.

I guess they just got more energy and stimulation by using my mouth, i guess.

1 Like

“oharai no kotoba” 100/108/1000

1 Like

Imagine a forest…

LHP=become a wolf
RHP= become a deer
me?= i want to be BE the forest, but also walking it.
Kind of, a azathoth-nyarlathotep situation.

A forest is not kind, nor is it evil.
Plants, bacteria, insects, animals, fungi…they all eat each other.

The forest does not care about who dies, only that some ballance is kept for the forest’s continued existence.

But since that view would be very boring, as much as it would enlighten… i also wanna be the human walking the forest

2 Likes

I spend the past days offline. Even had my smartphone join the dsL thingy, in the timelocked box.

I was scholded by the spirits, for being so distracted.
Also for doing to many different rituals at once -fucking up my energy, and making me emotional -and then panick…yeah.

1 Like

The advice of my friend, who muted me(until i fixed my shit), the idea to make regular offerings to spirits, even those i dont work with, helped a lot.

the day i started making offerings, i got a meeting set up with a future employer. Idk if i have not already told you this.


My lips have been bleeding, idk why.
Been feeling restless or drained sometimes.
-meat/bone broth stuff makes me restless but energizes me,
whilst other stuff seems to more or less coincidently align with lethargy and unexplained drainage.

Social update:
The family members that i hated and neglected so long…seem more…nice…i …idk what to say.

Self worth update:
~found a tiny card, back from 2017, something i had long forgotten. I once had bought 66beads, each looking like tiny planets, from a ebay or amazon seller… she had send me a tiiiiny envelope, with a small card in there. All writing inside and outside was handwritten.
…
The kind words filled me with waves of nameless emotion.
This realization, that this person was nice to me for no reason…and that i not ever bought from her again, even though i had enjoyed her products… i felt guilt, appreciation, sad…idk none of those words do the feeling any justice.

I now keep this tiny envelope close to my desk, to remind me, that, not all people are assholes. and once i have some money, i will buy more beads, even though i dont really need them, i just…damn. idk.

1 Like

SPIRITUAL UPDATES:
Dreams are still weird, and i did not sleep at all since…i think since before midnight of 3rd april. I think, my chanting was causing weird shit to happen within me.


MUNDANE UPDATES:

One of the last things i will be eating before im fasting, is/was Dresden’s variant of the Stollen/“Christstollen”.

Its usually eaten around wintertime BUT also to some degree at christian-easter. However, there is also “easter-bread” which is unlike the stollen, just really a weird sweet bread with raisins.

Stollen is too sophisticated to be mere “sweet bread” but also just too weird to be anything like cake.

You gotta eat it, so you understand.

BTW i didnt knew it was over 700 years old :thinking:

Its 02:59am at sunday april 4th 2021
edit: now its 3am.

At the 3rd of april was my birthday. like i already posted, they made a cake BEFORE the date, and ate it all by themselves those assholes. ~I guess its not my revenge eating their stollen :man_shrugging:

idk, i gotta fast 3-5 days to make sure i wont gain weight from all this sweet and meaty stuff i ate.

1 Like

!?: about shaytan, once you are done being stupid for today, maybe consider doing them sigils again, but PLEASE for the love and hate of hells…just stop spilling your blood all over it… THANKS

me: alright, thanks

1 Like

I realize that in various phases of my life, i could have changed myself and my circumstance, but choose not to, and suffered my own ignorance. Although, i do acknowledge that in some phases, there was little i could have done, or just didnt knew what i know now.

Its my duty, to take care of my shit.

Once i got the paperwork settled for a small job, i will be offline for weeks, just takign care of my crap.

1 Like

… Yeah, i should exercise.

1 Like
1 Like
1 Like