Ultra high level limiting beliefs

Good day everyone

I have never lucid dreamed in my life. I do have semi-psychic abilities amidst debilitating autism/schizotypal personality disorder, so I never take my insights seriously and I often realize that other people’s thoughts + motivations were far too simple for myself to understand. The same autistic/schizotypal larvae results in more limiting beliefs, and a desire for order and structure. For example, I have been evolving very rapidly on my path – yet I do not believe so, since I have such high expectations for the materialization or the “earthing” of the astral forms, and I totally overlook them when they finally present themselves as I expected them to be more intense
I often get into meditative states and realizations, but I never fully believe myself
Has anyone else struggled with this?

I have Saturn Rx in 1st House (Gemini)

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