Trying to find out how to move forward

Hi all.

I come from a Christian background growing up. I have been very slowly moving away from dogmas. It is very hard for me since it is hardwired in my brain. I have studied certain occult material for years now, but never tried anything apart from meditations, astral projection, and banishings.

I feel that Hell is a construct that can be viewed from many different angles. I believe that Hell is a reality that we create. I do not want to go down a LHP or a RHP. I just want to go. I want to experience all that I can. My mind holds me back from doing any form of ritual besides banishings regardless of the path. I know that I can do them, but I feel chained as if something bad will happen if I perform… say an evocation from an infernal spirit. Not bad as in the spirit will screw me up, but bad as in something happening in the afterlife. I’d like to ascend and not descend. Is this possible following a LHP or RHP?

I would like to do the Mastering Evocation program, but I feel if I do this I am practically “damning” myself.

I want to move forward, but I feel like I can not. What can I do to overcome the negative feelings and become free to do what I like without consequences?

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@spook Eventually, I would say you have to take that step. Just go forward and take the leap. Do the rite. The most unholy one you can think of. That’s one way to go about it. Take the leap first and deal with the guilt later.

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@TheStorm is correct. You need to take the plunge.

Also, looking into philosophy and relativism can help you deconstruct the falsities lagged into your psyche from dogmatic indoctrination. Once you can intellectually refute dogma you will find the amount of guilt you experience diminishes. On an intellectual level you will understand you have nothing to feel guilty for, so you won’t feel guilty. Start with the concepts of morality, objective morality, and absolute morality. Once you realize what absurd concepts these are you will be armed with everything you will ever need to utterly destroy dogma.

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There may be some levels of “bad according to Judaism/Christianity”.
The Bible forbids magic (still, the argument about religion using magic has a point, and famous praised Christians wrote about magic). This prohibition includes evocation and, in theory, especially that of demons; but many priests says that the spirits appearing are always demons.
Anyway, I believe demon evocation in itself is simply contacting or activating a force of negative polarity: nothing evil. It depends on the magician’s request. So, at least, biblically worse than magic and evocation it would be to steal a consort or give a disease.

I suggest you do the following -

  1. Make a list of things or working that your belief system is trying to stop you from.
  2. Make s list of things that would be completely opposite of those beliefs/actions.
  3. Make a list of what would happen to you if you did the things in the point no 2. Add a column of severity 1-5 for those actions if you did that.
  4. Start doing the things that are rated in the range of 1 and 2.

If this helps, try the next levels as it seems fit.

That does not mean you go on a rampage of doing siily things like stealing a bank, killing innocents, hitting someone for no fucking reason, Use your common sense, you know what I mean??? :wink: