I have created this topic to vent out my feelings and sufferings. Gonna be a wee bit long.
I don’t know the real reason that made me turn into a crybaby. I don’t know why I get stressed and depressed every time someone beloved to me snaps at me and refuses to talk to me. My emotions are wrecked. I cry, cry, until my eyes hurt. If I do cry in front of them, I am labeled childish, stubborn, immature, irresponsible. Instead of comforting words, insults are thrown. A fight that would usually last a few hours turns into painful days. I am said to not care much annd be happy with myself, but its too hard for me. Maybe because I get too attached. My appetite vanishes and I crave to be left alone and to cry to myself. Yes, I should not let someone oppress me like that. But its hard to fight for myself, when I know no one will take me seriously and consider my words. No one conforts me. No one genuinely feels me. Even if comforting is done, its a formality. I hate that fact.
I am not sad that I cry. I am sad that (even) my parents don’t try to understand me. Because of that, I trust strangers more than my own kin. Sucks too much.
I…I am confused. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I cry. I cannot even tell my family that I am undergoing emotional stress (credits to my school counsellor), as I know they will only advice to “Don’t imagine stuff and be strong. Nothings wrong with you.”…I mean, seriuosly? Can’t you at least care for my mental health and what u make me go through? Can’t u help me? Am I that of a burden?
I am so worked up, so fatigued, so tired. I don’t want to feel this pain. It hurts way too much. I am messed up badly. My throat hurts. My head pains. I don’t wanna wake up and suffer throughot the day in some way or other. They are unaware that they do many things that hurt me, but I always smile and joke about it to let it go. I am sick of it. I don’t wanna pretend.
My problems may be too small for someone else. I don’t blame them. Many a times I think my problems are petty. I just shared it 'cuz this is the only place I can ramble. I feel safe, relieved. Its like writing away your pain. Thanks if u have read this all, appreciate it. Have a nice day or night.
Peace to all.
I sympathise. I was raised in an abusive family without affection, but my response was to become hard and develop nothing but contempt for those people.
No, why should they? They’re stupid and human. You’re going to have to take care of you yourself.
You see, I realised, I don’t need them to be nice, mature and accepting, I don’t need them to be emotionally intelligent. I can get all the answers I need for myself. Think about this and ask yourself why you do? Ask if that serves you?
It’s nice and all to have friendly interactions, but you don’t need anybody to survive.
Bide your time until you can get out and find people you do get on with. When people eventually betray you, which they all will, don’t be surprised, just move on. That was set by the time I was 8 and it’s stood me in good stead.
This is a mood, even as a level 1 adult.
I’ll be honest with you, these are serious signs of depression. I went through the same thing in my youth and it wasn’t a pretty thing. Do you have the means to go and see a doctor? I’ve dealt with depression for many, many years and I’m not sure that I would’ve been able to get out of the pit without medical assistance.
It is unfortunate that you feel this way. I personally found that when I grew up and moved out, my relationship with my parents was much better, mostly because I could control the level of involvement that I had with them.
My mother was the same way. It does get better, though it may not seem that way right now. I’ve found that with people like that you have to go to them with solutions vs. asking them for the solution, so in that situation I basically told my mother “Hey, I think I have depression and I need to go see a psychiatrist.” and then took my problems to the psychiatrist to be dealt with.
One thing that I’ve learned to appreciate as an adult that I did not appreciate in my youth was that they, too, are dealing with stressors that could be causing them to react this way. Not justifying it as right, but they are just people, too. Likely, they just aren’t equipped to handle the situation. That’s why professional help is very important to maintain great mental health when you’re going through something like this.
There were folks that used to subscribe to this philosophy that I once knew. Just because you may be going through something “small” – it doesn’t invalidate the emotional pain that you’re experiencing, which is likely amplified by some sort of depression (I am not a doctor, I can just relate). I cannot stress enough that professional help will help you feel much better. They have the resources to help with any challenges that you may be facing.
Things will look up, kiddo. 
Sorry to hear what you are going through 
this is an occult forum afterall though and I think you should buy Adam Blackthorn’s Sigils of Power and Transformation. There is a lot in there that can help you.
This post has some seriously good advice. Alex hits the nail on the head when it concerns moving out and having someone to talk to as well as seeking medical advice.
Alex also gets it when she refers to the small stuff which I find is a major point of dissonance surrounding depression perception. If I get seriously depressed because I never got to go to prom or never received a valentine’s day gift you may have difficulty empathizing with my depression if you have been through seriously traumatic events e.g. house fire, death via car accidents etc. etc.
I also agree with Alex about the role of family in fostering our depression. Some of us were just not born into warm and fuzzy family which exacerbates sadness and negative experiences in life.
My best advice is to use magick to try and overcome along with all Alex said.
I think that too. I don’t need anyone; they are all temporary and will leave me, whether I like it or not. It’s a hard thing to digest. I am a type of human that just…needs somebody. I scold myself for being so emotionally dependent. I can live without a relation, yes. But once I make a relation, it’s hard for me to let it go. It shatters me. Hopefully I overcome this all. Thnkxx.
Am I in depression? Well…I think? I don’t know, its not serious…yet.
I don’t have any means to go to a doctor. If I go…the society here…they will brand me mentally unstable. Nonstop interviewing of me will drive me crazy, and I hate socializing. And nosy neighbours. *sigh
Its really good to know u overcame yours. I also don’t think I will have my sanity intact until I get medical assistance. I can talk to my parents, but again, they will say its my imagination.
I don’t think I have good relations with my parents now. My step-mom has change my father.
They still won’t take me. I know, trust me.
I believe this too. I know that I am not at fault totally. But the thing is that when will they stop reacting this way? At least they can try to know what the hell is wrong with me. But I figured it will be more pain if they know about my problem, so I will well…cope with the problem alone.
Thankx for resonating with me. I didn’t know how to write what I was thinking. You wrote my thoughts.
Thank you. I hope so.
I do hope this time passes… But thankx, I will see it up and try to resolve my problems!
Yes, I agree. I don’t have anyone to cry out my feelings. Maybe this is making me feel more stressed.
I have not been through serious events. Just utter misunderstanding and underestimating and emotional bullying. The things I listed are serious? Idk
Sadly. But I know that they won’t help. Begging them won’t work. I usually don’t try to talk to anyone lol. But I end up talking and breaking my trust again.
I will do so. You all are soo helpful, thank you all once again 